I don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.
My husband and I have 3 kids together. We have been together for 13, married for 11. Our oldest has had severe medical issues since birth and still does. Because of this it has affected our marriage in terms of how we talk to each other and as well it affects our other kids. Without giving too much details, our oldest is not like other kids his age, he’s on medical equipment and cannot speak on his own.
Our middle child who is 10 recently expressed to me how he is embarrassed by his older brother and feels a level of shame because he can’t play with his brother like other kids play with their siblings. And I genuinely can understand from a 10yr old brain how that must make him feel and I emphasized with him heavily and just talked it out with him. My husband on the other hand is VERY protective of our oldest. So much so he has literally pushed my medical ideas and opinions aside and he has tunnel vision around our oldest.
I love my husband, he’s a good man, he’s a good husband, and a loving father, but his tunnel vision is affecting our marriage and his relationship with his other kids. Part of me feels like I should get a divorce for the sake of our other children’s mental health. But I also have no one. I have no family, literally none. I don’t feel like divorce is even an option I can consider. I haven’t worked in 10yrs…
We have tried individual therapy, marriage counseling, grief counseling, we have both been on anti depressants. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I see our middle son really struggling and his dad isn’t being there for him because he’s too focused on our oldest with medical needs.
Also I am a very communicative person and I have genuinely expressed all of these feelings (minus divorce) with him. He just keeps saying he will try and do better and I do think over the years it has gotten maybe a little better but it is overwhelming. And our middle son “knows” the oldest comes first and I hate that he even thinks like that. Because it also has strained the relationship they could have had.