My victory was not what I expected...
Context(past)
For 10-11 years, the entirety of my 20s, were spent focusing on mystery chronic illness. Going from doctor-to-doctor, specialist-to-specialist and professional-to-professional. You all know the story. Hot potatoed to person-to-person, losing trust in Western medicine, alternative medicine, Chinese medicine and fad diets. Trying the most common things like medications and supplements; to the most obscure methods out of desperation like water ionizers, carnivore diets and electro compulsive therapies. Desperately seeking paths to success, when only receiving paths that went nowhere; all the while, getting blamed for my health problems. How I'm not trying hard enough. How I just need a "kick in the ass". How I need to pick up my bootstraps to tough it out. How I just need to keep trying medications until I find the right one. How I'm making it all up. How it's all in my head. How I'm exaggerating things where it's not as bad as I make it to be. Shamed, guilt-tripped, belittled, invalidated, discarded; I received them all. I lossed romantic relationships, friendships, jobs, careers, businesses, homes; while suffering with crushing amounts of debt.
Then it stops.
It ends.
I found Medical medium. I found Spirit of Compassion's channeled info. I read. I listened. I absorbed it all. I did the advanced 369 cleanse. I skipped ahead to the hardest cleanse to start. I do it not just 9 days, but 93 days! Three months go by, staying on "no-foods" throughout. I do another instance of the cleanse for 27 days, right before my symptoms would normally show up in Spring(last diagnosis I received was Reverse SAD), just for good measure. My symptoms were gone. I'm able to enjoy summer again. I'm able to enjoy my birthday for the first time in 10-11 years; experience it again with light and clarity, rather than darkness and depression. I got my life back. I can live my life again. Victory is mine.
Context(present)
There were no celebrations.
No songs to be sung, nor stories to be told.
Those who did not understand gave me raised eyebrows and confused looks...
Those who understood a little gave me hollow acknowledgement and empty praise...
I received nothing sigificant from those significant in my life.
I wanted to be seen, heard and recognized for all my efforts.
To be acknowledged for my decade-long suffering...
To be recognized for my special victory I've always dreamed about.
I received nothing.
Forgive me for what I'm about to say, but I'm jealous of Cancer patients. When they're sick, they get all the sympathy. When they beat Cancer, they're treated as a hero! I know it's my ego, but I can't help the way I feel. Those with mystery chronic illness suffer quietly, but their victory is celebrated quietly too. This is what I am understanding, in my experience with the aftermath. Raw emotion aside, I can't help but wonder:
Questions
- Those who got their lives back, how did the people in your life treat you?
- Were you celebrated?
- Were you invalidated that you didn't go through such things at all?
- What did the aftermath look like for you when finally beat this damn thing?
- I am in no way making their experience lesser when making this analogy: it reminds me of soldiers who come home, not sharing their experiences with friends and family because they wouldn't understand, but share with other soldiers cause they are the only ones who CAN understand. You all are the only ones who seem to understand me more than anyone; like Anthony has mentioned, "only those with mystery chronic illness can understand the mystery chronically ill", paraphrased of course, can't remember the exact words. Is this what it's like? Have any of the people in your lives understood what you went through? And if they do, how much DID they understand?
Thank you all in advance, continue having a lovely day! ^_^