How does sexual expectation affect bodily autonomy?
Hello! Forgive the somewhat dramatic title, as I am struggling to put words to this question. For the record, I am a 24 y/o straight man and this is a somewhat anecdotal/subjective view.
I think we all know the extent of policing sexuality in our culture, mainly in the form of ‘women should not engage in promiscuity. My view has always opinion been that both men and women should be able to engage in the human sexual experience as they please, as long as it is consensual. But the more I think about it, this has never really been true, because I have always held a pretty extreme belief (subconsciously albeit) that a man’s body count does quantify his value in some way. This really manifested for me around 12-14 y/o, where “loosing your virginity” was a prerequisite for masculinity. The pressure of sexual success ended up forming the basis of my character in early adolescence, and I know for a fact that this is a standard male experience.
My question here, is weather there is a intersectional feminist opinion on if this pressure actually strips you of your ability to consent (walk with me).
I specifically remember upon loosing my virginity, it was an older girl who initiated it, and my knee-jerk reaction was that I really didn’t want to hook up with her. This was a combination of anxiety, fear, and also just not being attracted to her. But the sheer relief of not being a “virgin” or “Incel” was so powerful that saying “no” wasn’t even on the table. I physically could have said no, but it didn’t even render as an option due to my own fear of emasculation.
This fades with age and experience, but from 12-18 I didn’t reject a single opportunity for sex on account of affirming my gender (regardless of weather I wanted to or not). Just to clarify, I am not actually saying this is SA, and I am also omitting any scenario where I initiated the exchange.
I have a lot of dysfunctions with regards to my identity and my “people pleasing” tendencies (specifically with women), and forgive me if this is a bit too philosophical, but I think that the cultural condemnation of “sexless men” actually informed my inability to set boundaries and say NO.
This is half question - half vent. With the question being: How does the social pressure of sexual success interact with bodily autonomy and consent?