r/AskFeminists

I would like to preface by saying I'm new to understanding feminism so I'm asking questions here to get opinions from feminists directly. I wasn't against it before, just didn't look into it. Now I'm really interested in learning more.

My question is do people ignore feminism call for women liberation and independence purposefully or is it genuinely they think women should be submissive? I can understand some men being dismissive because they want to be in power. But what about women who hate the concept of feminism? Do they really not want to be their own person? Have a life that isn't any less than a man's life? Can internal misogyny be really that blinding for a woman to realize she's treated as an object?

Also, I'm curious as to why or how the notion that feminism is making women dress inappropriately. I come across many comments of people saying "feminism just wants to make women naked" and similar things like this. It seems to me the only thing they know about feminism is "less clothes for women" and not important things like not wanting women to get abused simply for their gender.

I saw a statistic that less than 40 percent of university enrolments in Australia (where I live) in the last few years were men. Is there a particular societal reason for that? My guess is that with more women entering the workforce force fewer of them are taking jobs in trades and so regardless of if men are actually going to university less it will look like they are if you look solely at statistics.

But I am genuinely curious if there are other factors going into this or if I missed something. Im also interested in what sort of an impact this may have since it would presumably mean that we see more female dominated workforces and potentially female dominated governments (I doubt that would be the case because of misogyny and I suspect governments would aim to have roughly equal representation rather than one gender dominating)

Like being sex positive and supporting Women’s rights/empowerment, being against Misogyny/Chauvinism. Wanting casual sexual encounters or FWB without just seeing women as sexual objects, and having mutual sexual attraction and wanting to get intimate, but not be ready for serious relationship yet. Like being in the sexploration phase and hoping to find other women who are sexually open minded and sex positive that also don’t mind casual sexual encounters or being FWB.

For context I am a young man from England with a mum who has become very TERF-aligned over the past five years or so.

She brings up the topic several times a month, about how transgender people shouldn't be allowed in toilets etc. and it's so draining. More recently this has developed into anti-migrant fear too as she believes the people crossing the channel are pretending to be victims and actually just want to rape under 18s.

Nevertheless, she insists she is a feminist and thinks that men like me should stay out of these discussions because we are not affected in her eyes.

However, the more I learn about feminism, it seems like she isn't really one, or at least not a modern one. In a conversation fairly recently, she said that she thinks it is biological for men to want to dominate, rape, etc. and when I said that I think that's more of a cultural/patriarchal thing, I was told I was minimising the issue. So in a way it doesn't come across principled, but rather a blanket fear of men (including transgender women who are seen as men who are pretending to be women).

In so many ways she has been a great parent, but it has been really getting to me and I feel like she doesn't fully accept me bc I am a man. I was up for several hours last night unable to sleep because of this.

Why do you think this is how so many women of a certain age are? How can I be a good male feminist, and how can I navigate my relationship with my mum on this?

What's the line you draw when you give up on educating and start ignoring?

Hi, Throwaway account because I feel more comfortable like this. So I'm 19F and I'm trying to get more into feminism. I have also been but never really dig the theory or more intersectional aspects.

Now, "black humor" is what I use because of lack of better terms. Ik the term is... questionable but anyway, please bear with me. I'm trying to be a better person and feminist and ally and work for a better world.

My question is rather simple: I know for a fact I'm not anti-feminist/racist/homophobe and so on. I always try to be at events and pride marches and protests. This is something I know for certain and I would like for you to consider.

It may happen that I said a racist joke, or a sexist one, with my friends with no one else involved.

As far as I understand, this is wrong because a) I'm reinforcing the bad thing in my head b) someone may rightfully get offended c) I might be signaling to other people that I do support that idea.

Tell me if I'm missing anything.

Now, back to my previous assumption b and c don't really apply because I am alone with trusted friends.

A I would say doesn't apply because, again I know I'm not a patriarchy supporter and so on.

What I can't understand is:

A) Am I reasoning correcly?

B) If I am, how bad can a joke with friends be?

C) Am I actually a bad person because I'm not angry enough? How do you measure anger? Can I train it?

Please and thank you. I'm really trying to be better

I try to be respectful and understanding of women's emotions, and political views (especially this), but I'm tired of the man hating and hypocrisy. I’m not 100% if this a progressive women stereotype, and I’m sure it’s not all women, but it’s super annoying when I speak on something I’m an expert on, my career for example, and they somehow think they know more than me. The confidence in their ignorance is nuts.

I have one friend for instance (who I’m starting to distance myself from) who walks around thinking she’s right about everything, super critical of everything and everyone, but if I ever mention anything that is objectively wrong, she responds with “you don’t know what you’re talking about”. One time, I was explaining something, I can’t remember what, and the first thing she says “please stop mansplaining” but later that day she was “mansplaining”. It’s gotten to the point where just ignore her.

I’ve come across several women who have this entitled attitude because they’re “so in thought” or “can understand” the struggle, and their point of view is typically wrong, narrow minded, or ignorant and when I call them out on, and show them proof of how wrong they are, they walk away or get annoyed and upset.

I’m getting very fed up with this behavior and it’s making it difficult for me to even think about women in a positive way.

The amount of complaining, “injustice”, and ignorant comments are becoming so disgusting.

I don’t want to develop an ignorant point of view, or insult women, but I want an opinion from other women to understand what I’m experiencing.

When I go on dates with similar progressive women, they respond SO well to my dismissive behavior, hot and cold attitude, and zingers. Especially when I am condescending, it’s like on the first date they’re enamored with my behavior, and when I ghost them, they become so obsessed.

This is so confusing and I’d like other perspectives. I don’t want to be an asshole, I was raised by my parents to be polite and respectful, open doors for people behind you, address women as ma’am, men as sir, helping people in general. But fuck am I getting close to just complete not believing women (some, not all) anymore and any plight they face, I’m just gonna say “get wrecked” or just taunt them, I can’t deal with this shit anymore. Anytime I try and help or give advice when they vent (and if I stay quiet, all I get is “well, are you going to say anything?”), I get hit with “why do men always think women need help”.

Also, I’ve noticed this in major cities I’ve lived in, on the east coast.

I swear just even five years ago I was hearing it thrown around as an insult or something that's bad for a woman to be. I haven't heard it lately used in that way. It is a sign that we're fully reclaiming the word, and taking away the derogatory connotation that misogynists have associated with it? Or have some of you still heard it being used as an insult as of late?

I’m a 19yr old male and I would classify myself as a feminist I think like obviously I want equality for all and violence against women to stop but I have one thing that bugs me. Whenever I see someone on TikTok or whatever use any of the terms ‘it’s all men’ or any of the generalisations, I understand that they have a right to feel that way and they have more than enough reason but it does bother me when I see that. How can I think differently so that it doesn’t bother me or annoy me that I fall into that generalisation.

Obviously I know that they’re not talking abt me specifically but I was also wondering if it’s normal to feel a bit bitter because I naturally fall into that category from their perspective

Sorry if this post doesn’t make sense I will try to explain it better if need be

18M, I grew up in a collectivist culture basically since the day I was born, specifically, I was born to a Chinese family in Indonesia. These two cultures ars pretty collectivist, seeking individual wants is seen as a moral failure and people are taught to prioritize the group, whether family, or a friend group, a neighborhood, all the way to a nation, people are shamed for not falling in line with the collective

Now, the connection with feminism is that people see feminism as individualistic, and if you are a feminist in a traditional east asian family, you will get disowned because in the culture you have brought a bad name to your family which equals people being shunned or harassed, this also applies to being a part of the LGBT community, though I am not a member, I have seen people thrown out of their family homes for coming out the closet

So, how can the feminist movement approach collectivist societies and cultures like japan, china, or Indonesia

The title, pretty much.

I gave birth to a boy earlier in the year and had been lurking pregnancy groups and there's a lot of discussion on "gender disappointment" about their baby's sex, sometimes to the point of women legitimately crying for weeks over it. Particularly the discourse on most pregnancy subs is that it's a reasonable and valid emotion to have.

I'm not gonna lie; I was kind of surprised at the amount of "your feelings are valid" and "it's okay to feel that way" responses these women got. I personally can't relate to it at all and don't find it normal since I never had any preference one way or the other while I was pregnant. And I find the normalization/validation of the concept pretty weird since you have a 50/50 chance of being devastated, which is a massive risk to take over something that's going to affect you for life. But I also realize that raising a child of one sex versus the other is going to present certain challenges and I don't think having a preference for one is inherently wrong per se.

And I'm also slightly sympathetic just because I don't know how many of the emotions I see on those subs are just a matter of pregnancy/hormones going wild.

EDIT: Okay, I had no idea this was a recurring topic on this sub and just made this post on a whim since I've been seeing it on my feed more and more lately. I'll probably delete this post in the morning.

Maybe because it comes with some baggage.

This is my first time posting, so bear with me.

I was having a conversation with my 12-year-old son about reproductive rights, and afterward I had a thought. A lot of the abortion debate focuses on whether abortion should or shouldn’t be legal, but what if more attention was placed on preventing unwanted pregnancies in the first place — and on making that responsibility more equal?

Women are often expected to take hormonal birth control, which can come with serious side effects and health risks, while much less responsibility is placed on men. Vasectomies are generally safer, more effective, and less physically taxing than many forms of female contraception. They can also sometimes be reversed.

So it made me wonder: why is pregnancy prevention considered primarily a woman’s responsibility when men are equally involved? If society truly wants to reduce abortions, shouldn’t we be investing more energy into male responsibility, better contraception options for men, and prevention overall rather than placing most of the burden on women?

I’m not saying forced medical procedures are the answer. Bodily autonomy matters for everyone. But I do think it’s worth questioning why women are expected to carry most of the physical and medical responsibility for preventing pregnancy.

I absolutely want them to be, but whenever this topic comes up i wonder if it is realistic to achieve? How will companies benefit of producing these products without people paying for them? Not that i care if companies will sufferor not, but they will. So what company would sacrifice their gains to make them free for all? In my opinion, i think it's an easy think to say, but cannot happen.

I would love to be proven wrong, so do share your opinions.

I’ve noticed that even today, in many households, cooking is automatically expected from women — regardless of whether they’re working or not.

Why is it still seen as a “default role” instead of a basic life skill everyone should have?

Is this mindset actually changing, or are we just pretending it has?

As in, remarking on some public discourse where a woman operated in a way that appeared to cater to men’s interests. I understand there’s a line, and sometimes it gets icky, but other times it feels like there’s a judgement threshold, or some metric of pandering/derision that’s applied like a consequence if it doesn’t match the framework

I am new in this group and english is not my first language so please excuse any mistake.

I (f) had a conversation with a male friend. We talked about intimicy like intensive kissing, petting and sex.

His opinion is, that his partner has to let him do a part of those things like a compromise. Especially if the partner ist aware of his need for physical contact as his main expression of love. He explained that he mostly felt love if he gets the amount of physical touch he needs. Gifts and nice gestures are welcome but not as important as kisses and any stuff related to intimacy and sex.

But i think you cant compromise in this. I personal need to feel safe, seen, protected, free and lightheaded. I cannot and will not imagine to be touched or kissed by my partner if I am not in the mood. It doesnt feel right to push own boundaries to let another person touch me, even if it is my partner. My friend seems to perceive any physical contact equal. Even if it is a hug, an every day touch or kiss or any kind of intimacy.

I hope i could explain it mostly straight. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. If my post is not desired, please erase it.

My question is:

How can I explain that it is creepy to expect a partner to tolerate any physical touch if the partner isnt in the mood or to push the own boundaries just to make another person happy or feel loved?

At what point does a child become held accountable for their actions as if they were an adult, and in the process lose the excuse of "not knowing any better"?

Would you blame a 3 year old for having a fit of anger?

What about a 12 year old for having perverted thoughts.

Is it really just age?

I (M19) recently watched the Barbie movie (the one featuring M.Robbie and R.Gosling) and although I generally understood the idea of patriarchy as a system where men hold power over women I don't get if it needs of all women to be dominated and/or all men to be dominant or does it allow for exceptions? When is a system a system exactly and what is exactly a "patriarch"?? How can a system exist if there's exceptions? Must a system be codified and enforced by the State to be a system or not? How can such system coexist when there have been women of positions of power with no laws putting those who aren't the woman in power in a position of social inferiority (By 1979 a female PM wasn't unthinklable, considering Thatcher and Golda Meir were elected, being somewhat different from Victorian times)? I mean this because since the 1960's there's been more female leaders and in general family dynamics are different (at least in the western world and parts of the rest of the worlf), making it hard for me to understand in which sense are we still "patriarchal" if it doesn't seem so political (as in State-enforced, like in Afghanistan, Iran, or orthodox/conservative islamist States in the Middle East as an example). Why is it "patriarchy" and not just cases of sexism or male chauvinism?

Thanks in advanced.