u/Mediocre-Mud7321

Thank you so much for this sub. I really am grateful. Would love to hear about basically anything that you guys do now that makes you happy. Maybe making that morning coffee without having any jittery anxiety. Maybe anything.

But there is still good stuff on the other side of this, I truly want to believe what I'm going through now, is temporary, and I hope I heal somedat. It is definitely better than what condition I was in before. Even after losing everyone, every important person connected to the narc, it's possible to move forward. I want to hear any comments, anything that you guys have. Thanks!

I would definitely not want to go back being in the same dynamic ever again, even if someone shoots me. The grief, however is strangely taking a toll on me. I am grieving what I believed to be a genuine connection. I am grieving the loss of all connection, the narc, the common connections, all of them. I am grieving how unapologetically they still are playing the victim, doing smear campaigns, sending flying monkeys. I dread thinking about having to talk with the narc in the future as well. I still shouldn’t get surprised after this much cruelty over the course of a decade, at least, yet I'm surprised now that I actively took the courage to step out.

I know I'm healing, getting my regulated nervous system back, getting my peace back. I am finding more peace with myself. I stopped feeling lonely altogether. I felt more free, confident and happy. I know I'm on the right path, even if it hurts a lot. I know I did everything I could, gave my best, been there even when I was bleeding, I did everything I could possibly have done. Yet humiliations didn't stop. They always made everything about themselves, even involving topics that were my problems. They had to be the ultimate victim. I really don't know how I stop myself from feeling strange, sick or pathetic. I feel like I'm in a constant fight with myself. I get shivers run down my spine sometimes when I think about what they might say if I happen to break the contact even for 5 min. I am grieving a lot of things I believed to be precious for a very long time.

It doesn't feel as intense as before, yet, lingering unfairness, how the narc is slowly turning everyone against me. I just cannot shift or get distracted. I am slowly feeling the grief taking over me. I have absolutely zero support system, now that common connections are awkward in the middle too. I feel helpless, but not lonely. I am enjoying my company more than ever, feeling so free, wouldn't trade it for anything. However, I do think I might need to allow the idea that I also deserve love and compassion I have provided for this decade, to that narc, and got nothing but humiliation, gaslighting and disrespect back in return. I realized I find it very hard to think that I also deserve to move on in my life, and build new connections. Even if surface level, even if not that deep. I do not allow myself and am punishing so so much consciously and subconsciously. Share some hopeful stories, guys. I am incredibly grateful to this sub, otherwise it would have been 10x more difficult, dealing with this much grief, even with therapy.

I just find myself paralyzed some days, when all I see is even after leaving, there is still drama created by the narc, and some flying monkeys participating in it, actively trying to pull me in it. I tried my best not to get triggered, but I do get triggered, but managed my reaction to neutral, even if I'm dying inside. So, that I believe is a progress. I feel guilty for even trying to make new connections, or enjoy my life. I feel guilty when I do something good for myself. So, I hope it gets better, at some point. Some days, I truly feel relieved, and the freedom I achieved, wouldn't trade it for anything else. 100% worth going NC. Don't regret it one bit. I just feel like I don't even have anyone I can vent to. I don't feel like anyone would understand what I went through. Thank goodness I found this sub. Comments are sometimes, healing.

I just forgot all the atrocious things they've done to me. I forgive them and myself. I just decided I want peace, and none of the drama involving me when I was doing nothing. Still, people keep creating drama/keep creating situations to invoke a reaction from me. I have heard that you let them do whatever they want, and you stay firm on your boundary. How to stay firm without being impolite? I think I politely stated my boundary many times, yet there is now a whole new series of drama. I just don't want to participate in it. Been through hell due to my mental health and PTSD, so currently taking some time off for myself. I may lose all the connections I have in the process, but I think it's still worth it.

So, initially, with the narcs, after I saw them slowly for who they are, it worked at some point when I stopped caring what they are gonna think or do. I struggle with doing the same kind of treatment to my kind common acquaintances, and it breaks my heart if it involves them. I can keep contact with the people I want, and not keep contact with the people I don't want, but due to narc's incredible convincing skill, and victim mentality, they might think of a version of reality that is much distorted, and I feel heartbroken talking to common acquaintances then, because they act like I should be held accountable for something? Do I do the same boundary with them? Or different? Target is minimum drama, more peace. So I feel very hazy and confused.

Like, for example, I want to create my healthy boundary, and still, when I'd meet with them rarely, I want to spend a good time. With kind common acquaintances, for example. For toxic acquaintances, after years of continuous humiliation, the deal already is broken, so no talk there. As I didn't do a final goodbye sort of thing, so it still may confuse the narc and common acquaintances. But due to new drama being cooked every second, I feel that might not be possible, and I might get disconnected from all of the connections in my life altogether. It makes me even more bitter.

Sort of like very limited contact, and without too much explanation. Did it work out for you? Cannot go full NC due to some unavoidable reasons, how did you successfully moved on? Need advice.

Even that short interactions, not even grey rock, sometimes makes me feel like I've lost all the progress I've done in my healing. All my healthy boundaries are there to be stepped over or criticized. I feel so stupid, still am struggling to fully move on. & not engage. I didn't want to give the impression that everything still is fine, so stopped yellow rocking, grey rocking after a while. But don't want to go through the confrontation cycle and them playing victim for the millionth time either. No amount of mature conversation has worked so far, so finally have to give up. What helped you move on, and never look back?

My therapist was really nice, but cannot help me in depth. It only stays surface level, and doesn't really help me at all. I have a difficult time trusting my own self, believing myself, after the detox. The detox is still new, so it brutally hurts still. I just want to grow, instead of getting stuck in this negative maze, that I fell into without knowing. I have gone out of severe depression for about 6 months, after suffering for 5 years. So I don't' want to fall into that terrible place again. I was slowly gaining some confidence in myself and focus better, which also helped me see the abuse I was tolerating for years ! I finally decided to give up, after one such abusive one-sided fight. They're always the victim. Even when you have evidence of lying, gaslighting, and manipulation. They still are the victim. Even when you have evidence, solid proof of what they did to you, you still feel confused, and can't trust yourself.