How can I maintain the sex life I have created with my wife and not let it fade away?
Long story short. Well, as much as I can. Need advice with sex life.
This is half brag—half concern. Me (late 40s), Her (early 40s), married, with a child. Absolute love of my life. Both of them.
We’ve always had a pretty fantastic sex life. She’s shy on the outside but an absolute firecracker in bed. Inexperienced when we met, but she just seemed to have this natural earthy, sexual energy which was, for me, literally mind-blowing. I couldn’t quite understand what was happening, and because at the time I feared there’d be no long-term future in it, I started filming Her sometimes (with Her permission and face hidden) to simply capture that magic and crystallize those moments with Her.
Fast forward a few years. Married, in love, fantastic sex, home videos and photos.
In the years preceding, I never shared images or videos of Her as she requested, but I still edited the films and photos—creating a massive library of Her and some short films which, to this day, are probably the things I am the most proud of creating (working professionally as a creative with little excitement for my day job).
After our first kid, my attraction to Her continued to increase. I was filming Her almost every night. What was once an annoyance to Her had become something She really liked—being the star, making eye contact with the camera, and just being the incredible sexual creature She is.
I convinced her to let me post some photos of Her online (anonymously), which again She didn’t like or understand at first—but She understood how much I needed to share Her with others, and She saw the effort and craft put into the photos.
I can’t recall exactly when, but I had also convinced Her to regularly wear lingerie every time we were together (which, given our jobs and kid, was only 1 or 2 days a week, but the production value and intensity of our sessions more than made up for the relatively modest amount of sex each week).
Fast forward again. Hundreds of followers, some new chat friends who were equally into wife sharing (both fantasized and real), and sex was better than ever.
She knows I have a slightly unhealthy attraction to females (my past—before Her), and part of the reason She’d become such an open and giving sexual being and even let me share her images was also because She knew it kept me on the straight and narrow. It honestly felt, at times, like I was dating my favourite AV star sometimes. She’s all I think about.
OK. So. Here’s my issue. It’s fading out. No photos or videos for months now. She just hit 40 and She’s stopped going to the gym (She works a lot and incredibly hard), and lingerie barely makes an appearance now. I know given our age and fading physicality that slowing down might be normal—but I must fight it. I must maintain. This sudden lull of sexual effort proves I was clever to capture all I did so I can watch Her forever, but I still don’t want things to fade out. However, I also don’t want to control Her or pressure Her, as it’s both unfair and largely unsuccessful, even when I try to broach the issue in subtle ways.
Even I struggle sometimes to find the energy now too.
I miss showing Her off. I don’t want to stop losing myself in a heady mix of music, intense sex, lighting, and magic when we are together. I worry that without Her incredible sexual energy and performance, my attention might turn, or our passion will fade faster.
I feel like I’ve done such a great job (yes ok selfishly) of unlocking Her sexuality and confidence—as well as enjoying a sex life that is so great it had to be shared—that now I worry life will become dull and ‘normal,’ and I don’t know if my ADHD and anxiety issues can handle the loss.
I understand some might read this and think I am selfish, controlling, and ‘forcing’ Her to be the version of Her I want. You might be right, partly. But it’s not like I haven’t also grown into someone She wanted me to become too in other areas of our marriage.
Can anyone relate? Am I just being selfish? I read about other relationship issues and listen to podcasts and videos about marriage struggles, and they remind me of how good I’ve got it—but—it’s not enough, and now I feel like it’s the beginning of the end of our beautiful sex life.
Can anyone relate?
tl;dr Sex life is amazing. Scared it is fading away. How can I prevent the fade out without being selfish?