u/Medium_Albatross98

Hi! I am 23yo and I feel backed into a corner and need some advice. Below are my finances:

AGI: $54k
Credit card debt: $8k
Consolidation loan: $9k
Car: $8k
Mortgage: 50/50 with boyfriend, $100k, $945 monthly total, I pay $450 monthly.

I just had a consolidation loan taken out like 6 months ago and my credit card is maxed out again. No good reason other than being young and irresponsible homeowners but I truly want to turn things around. I want to either get a balance transfer card or a consolidation loan and cancel my credit card but one of my banks (whom I do not have the consolidation loans with) rejected my application. I feel ashamed asking the bank I have the consolidation loans with for another one as the $9k is built up of 2 loans from them, both within the past 2 years or so. I have never missed a payment and my credit score is a 701. I have a meeting tonight with national debt relief to talk through some other options since I only want to consolidate one credit card balance which they cannot help with. Is there anything I should be doing or trying?

I felt like writing tonight and decided to write about what life has been like before and after starting to receive help. I have severe anxiety and depression, I’m 22 and it’s been present most of my life but the past 6 years have been genuinely awful. I started taking Lexapro in March, I was upped to 20mg in May. Anyways here it goes:

Cold. Numb. Loneliness. Doubt. Insecurity. Hate. An endless loathing for anyone and anything but most importantly yourself; it’s all just too much. Bitterness. That feeling when you see police lights in the rearview and you know you were speeding. This endless vat of just pure emptiness. These feelings cloy me every day. I am nothing but a shell, devoid of any personality or positive emotion. Wistfulness. The longing for something better. Fulfilling. Does it get better? Have I always been this bland? I don’t even understand how people can just… live? I remember being happy once, having joy and excitement. It’s been far too long. Am I a fraud? How can I be in a relationship feeling this way? Am I faking it? 

3.30.26 The stomach pains have lessened. I thought they were tied to my anxiety but I didn’t realize how bad it was, I assumed I just had poor gut health. They are almost entirely gone along with the constant worry of being within minutes reach of a bathroom or not being able to fall asleep unless I went to the bathroom right before. I drove an hour today to my parents house and I didn’t take Imodium like I normally would. It’s freeing to think I can just go to the store without having planned it and taken medicine hours beforehand to prepare for it. I can’t believe this was all caused by my anxiety. I wish I would have asked for help sooner.

4.22.26 I felt the first spark of joy. It came to me today watching a dumb video online. I always thought those people who laughed out loud watching videos on their phone were strange; faking it for some reason or another. Then today I just couldn’t help but laugh at this dumb video. This is what life is like for others? Genuine happiness over something so minuscule?

5.20.26 I felt excited today. I got a sewing machine for my birthday this past year and today I had the urge to make something just for the fun of it. Not because of a gift I needed to make or even just something we needed for the house. I wanted to make something just for myself, for the first time in a long time.

6.2.26 I heard myself again today. A little voice telling me that it’s ok. Not the normal self soothing voice that’s been ever so present for the past 6 years but instead full of love and warmth. A voice of someone who loves themselves and just wants to be ok. Someone who looks forward to the future and wants to be better just because they can. And how crazy that it’s my voice. I’m finally myself again.