nakita nako ni sa tiktok ug diri sa reddit ba, unya ana sila worth it daw tan-awon tapos comedy siya (ganahan kog kdrama nga comedy or kanang naay halo nga comedy). so akong gisugdan ganiha, pero ambot ba, galibog ko kung di lang jud siya funny for me or wala lang jud koy gana malipay kay broken hearted ko 🥲 hahahaha mao ra to, kbye
i love him, and i know he loves me too, but lately i’ve been asking myself if love is really enough.
he’s still a student, while i stopped college for now because of mental health issues and burnout. he grew up lower class, while my family is middle class. even if i’m not studying right now, my parents still give me allowance, enough that i don’t really struggle financially. we’re in a long distance relationship, and whenever i buy something online for myself, i always end up ordering something for him too because i genuinely want to make his life a little easier.
sometimes he asks me for load, sometimes he borrows small amounts of money. he always says he’ll pay me back once he earns again because he works on-call at a beach resort, but honestly i never really ask for it anymore because i know he’s trying his best and i know life hasn’t been easy for him.
next week is his birthday, and i planned it early. i wanted to send him money for his handa and buy him a bluetooth mouse worth 1k+ because he mentioned wanting one before. i just really wanted him to feel special this year. ever since his mom died from cancer 3 years ago, he stopped celebrating his birthdays. he once told me that back then, he was already happy with just cake and spaghetti as long as his mom was there. that honestly broke my heart.
we were supposed to meet this month and celebrate together, but things didn’t go as planned, so the money and gift became my plan b instead.
but now we had a fight, not even a huge one, and suddenly i started questioning everything. maybe i’m just overwhelmed and overthinking things right now, or maybe these are feelings i’ve been trying to push aside for a long time.
am i really okay with this kind of setup long term? is love enough when one person is constantly giving more emotionally, financially, mentally? is it worth staying beside someone at their lowest and hoping things get better someday?
and the thought that scares me the most is… what if after all this, after helping him heal, supporting him, understanding him, being there for him through everything, he eventually meets someone else? someone closer, someone more convenient, someone who didn’t have to witness the hard parts of him. what if one day he succeeds in life and realizes he doesn’t need me anymore because i already served my purpose during his struggling phase?
it’s not even really about the money. i think what hurts is the fear of investing so much love, patience, effort, and parts of yourself into someone, only to wonder if you’ll still be chosen once they no longer need saving.