I feel like I’ve wasted my life
I’m 18, recently diagnosed with autism, and am in the middle of making my portfolio for art school. I guess this and the stress of the school year nearly being over (I’m a junior since I was held back in first grade since my English was behind) made me realize that I’m really not that good at art despite having dedicated my entire life to it.
I’m not exceedingly terrible at it, sure, but I’m lacking in fundamentals like color and perspective, and it’s not nearly good enough to make up for my shortcomings as a person. I never had and still don’t have any irl friends, my grades are terrible so even if I did have a chance of going to art school my grades would probably hold me back. I have terrible work ethic because my mom never gave me any chores to do around the house because to her the internet was enough of a babysitter, so if I did get in I would probably instantly burn out and fail.
I go to a specialized arts high school so everyday I have to pass through hallways filled with professional level art made by people my age, who somehow still have time for friends, grades, and other hobbies. Other artists who will be more likely to get commissions and jobs in the industry than me.
I don’t know what I’m gonna do and I’m afraid I’ll be dependent on my mom forever.