I think I'm a bad boyfriend.
I'm a bit hesitant to post this here, as I don't know if it even fits on this subreddit of it it's disrespectful in any way?? I've been with my bf for months now, but I'm still deeply terrified of any intimacy (not just sex, like anything that has to do with acting romantic).
I mean, when we hangout we're both perfectly fine and everything's perfect, but it's like we've never went from friends to partner and just stayed as friends, and that's (I think) mostly on me.
I've been really questioning if I'm asexual but I still don't know if that's the case or if I'm just awkward/scared of sex (tbh sex isn't really the problem now because we've talked about that and neither of us really plans on doing or asking for anything sexual at least for now, a bit off topic). Still I'm concerned about being equally terrified of any non-sexual relationship acts as I am of sexual ones.
He's really awesome and I really love him, I don't know why I feel like that and I'm scared of hurting him or keeping him waiting for things I've should already started doing in the relationship. I just feel like I'm messing up and taking him down as collateral damage. Idk I feel like an awful person and he doesn't deserve this mess.