How to navigate nesting partners?
I need some advice... just on how to handle things I guess and if things will work out maybe?
I (34f) have a nesting partner (34m) who is amazing never has a problem with me spending time with my other partner (35m) who has a nesting partner (34f).
This is where we run into the problems my partners nesting partner always says she never has a issue or anything and is fine BUT when we have a phone call or date or anything she suddenly will have some backhanded comment to make if she is around for even 10 minutes of it.
I am struggling to wrap my head around it as my nesting partner is so chill I guess. I always say thank you for my partners time to her if it somehow goes 10 mins into hers as its only polite. I just kinda dont get her issue.
The major issue is its starting to cause me real fears of abandonment. Im starting to feel she will never accept him being emotionally connected to someone else and will one day just tell him to leave me. He has assured me no matter what he would tell her it isn't happening and instead communication would need to happen but damn its messing with me.
For context my partner and his nesting partner have been poly for 10 years, me and my nesting partner around a year. Both nesting partners mentioned have relationships outside of this dynamic.
UPDATE: After speaking to my partner and explaining everything and using the "I" phrasing he spoke to his NP. It turns out she sees me as a threat. He apparently in the 10 years of poly has never had a meta he has had such a strong relationship with and it makes her extremly uncomfortable. Im unsure where to go from here and if I could offer her any reassurance as I honestly do not want to "take him away" I want to share his love with her. Should I maybe try and speak to her myself and convey my feelings? Maybe a letter? Or is this all down to him as the hinge to navigate?