r/polyamorous

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I suspect the answer is that these people believe polyamory is the only valid form of ENM...but curious to hear thoughts from others about a trend I've noticed building over thr last 3 years.

It started with monogamous people lecturing others about ENM while having very little knowledge or experience if it. I noticed them continously claiming a person can only practice non-monogamy if they are in at least one serious and committed romance.

Now I see the same argument bubbling up in ENM spaces from, presumably, ENM people.

Thoughts?

So I had a threesome with my best friend and her husband. I loved it. It just all came natural to me. So one night my husband and I were having a little fun and I brought up a threesome. He said never. Absolutely not. So I have continued to have this threesome weekly for over a year. How can I get my husband to try it once?

Hiiii! I recently saw a post where someone was asking “where are the happy stories of polyamory?”. I took some time to think if and how much I wanted to share about my journey!

I 27f (pansexual and solo polyamory) am in a polyamorous relationship! I’ve been dating my partner Uno28M since earlier this year and my other partner Dos30F (hehe silly names btw) around the same time I met uno! I see Uno quite often, we enjoy spending time outdoors, watching clone wars, and talking about big serious world things and trying to find balance with those thoughts! Dos and I enjoy watching movies together, playing games, and we see each other typically once a week (due to distance). Dos has a partner28M, and they also have a partner! We’ve all been on a summer cabin trip this year, and have enjoyed all being in the same space. The feeling on community is so large when we are all together. It is exactly the feeling I have been chasing when I opened my heart to polyamory and that feeling is becoming the most comforting thing!
In my eyes I have so many people that love me and so many people that I love as well! It’s silly, this past weekend I had a “Summer Sonic” party at my home. Both my partners came, Dos’ partner also joined and they all just wanted me to have a successful event. My mother and brother recognize both my partners and welcome them with open arms (this part is big and deserves a story in due time). I didn’t realize how taken care of I actually was as the time passed. I had eaten without getting myself food, I had drinks without refilling my cup, and not only that but ALL my friends that were introduced to my new relationship style had such kind words and saw that this dynamic can and is working for me.
Lots of reflection after this weekend. Lots of time to appreciate that I can be who I want to be. Also just the fact that I am pushing past the societal norms with so much support. I’m so lucky right now.

With that being said, appreciate the small moments that your true self gets to shine, because it’s not always easy to shine in every facet of your life. Continue to look for spaces that you feel comfortable to introduce you!

Ok I’m crying now, bye🫂🖤

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My partner (35) and I (66) decided after a few years to open our relationship. I think it stems from him not having sex with anyone but me and wanting to explore some. I understand and I'm open to that except that he only wants to do it together and only with guys he finds - so older guys. So far, the few times we've had a threesome, bf and the third guy are more interested in each other than with me. I enjoy watching him be pleasured but I'm also feeling left out. I never cum while both of them do.

How should I manage this? Ask for a don't ask don't tell rule allowing me to go hook up with a young guy once in a while? Or insist on a third who's younger once in a while?

Anyone else had to deal with this?

UPDATE: Ok, so I talked it through with both partners and basically figured out that all I was needing was reassurance. I've never had good relationships, including with my blood family, so my insecurities were masking in bad ways. Thank you for everyone who commented and messaged me!

Ok so I (24F) have been in a poly/mono poly relationship for over a year. CONTEXT: (This is my first consentual poly/ mono poly relationship and it has been the most healthy relationship I have ever had in my life. I am good friends with my guys other girlfriend and her family as well.) I have recently started thinking about asking to go monogamis if it leads to him (32M) and I actually marrying. I don't know what has brought these thoughts on but I also don't want to bring them up to my partner if I have no good reason as to why, mainly because I don't want to cause "issues" if there are none. I guess my main question would have to be is this normal??? My 2 other relationships before were extremely toxic in different ways, one physically and the other emotionally, so I am still figuring out what is normal in relationships and what is not.

My husband is dating someone now for about 2 months and eventually id like to meet her. She’s fine with meeting me as well.. I just don’t know HOW we go about it. I feel like no matter what, one of us will feel left out, awkward or possibly put out. She’s used to his attention like they are a couple and clearly he’s been my husband for 20 years… sooooooo for those who have met their spouses metamor how do you plan it out and make it work so no one feels like crap

For anyone who hasn't seen the original post: My partner S had been feeling left out, she didn't tell us this and I found out by basically becoming a detective. My other partner R had no idea about this either

Hi, it me again. So, S kinda broke up with me and R. I'm trying to think of it as a break. This happened over text, not even a call. I'm a bit upset about that, but it's fine, actually better for this situation. R isn't online right now because she's on a camping trip and won't be back till tomorrow afternoon. Anyway, I typed out what happened yesterday but it's a bit... confusing? Feel free to ask any follow up questions.

The convo kinda went like this:

S says she can't handle a relationship rn, she says shes trying, she says if we both want her to keep trying she will but it needs to go both directions, she says she loves us both, she says she feels like a 3rd wheel again(?), and that she feels like we only talk to her when the other is offline.

I reply with: I'm sorry you feel like a 3rd wheel, we didn't want her to feel to feel like this, if there's anything we can do to fix this i want to know, I fully support whatever she wants to do, as long as she's happy

Hola! Tengo un perfil de Instagram que trata sobre poliamor y me gustaría hacer algunos vídeos respondiendo a preguntas que puede tener una persona monogama que no sabe nada del mundo de la no monogamia o del poliamor. Porque aunque a mí me parezcan cosas muy lógicas porque las conozco, sé que alguien que no esté familiarizado con el tema puede tener muchas dudas. Así que sí, preguntad cualquier duda que os surja, puede ser lo explícita o extraña que sea, no juzgo.

I’m 25, and recently I have been wondering whether I am actually interested in polyamory.

First of all, I’m not looking for relationship or dating advice here, but what I’m more interested in hearing is whether what I'm thinking is on the right track or other people’s experiences with realizing they might be interested in polyamory.

Two men have been on my mind constantly these days, and I'm having sexual dreams about them, and on top of that, they are my colleagues, and both men are good friends with each other.

One is 6–7 years older, bisexual, and recently left the job and knows I’m sapiosexual and have certain kinks, and for a while he gave me some signs that made me wonder if he was interested in me, although I could have misread them. The other is 2–3 years younger, still works with me, and as far as I know, he is straight and yeah, he definitely doesn't like me like he just ignores me most of the time.

I don't know why, but I have been imagining the three of us together and having sex or I'm jacking off thinking about these two every day.

That made me wonder if I am genuinely interested in polyamory, or if I am simply very attracted to these two men, or if I like seeing both making out with each other.

So, if anyone could genuinely help me to understand what this is all about, it would help me out a lot.

to keep an excruciatingly long story short, my gf developed feelings for another guy and wants to try and be poly. me and my gf have been dating for 5yrs and have talked about poly years ago but this came up abruptly. I am transgender (ftm) and the guy is cis, and so is my gf. me and my gf are both 19 while he’s 27 which makes me feel a little weird but we’re adults now so ig it’s fine lol. I have his number but he lives very far away while me and my gf live tg. I guess i’m just feeling very jealous and possessive and it’s very hard for me to hear them talking to another guy the way they talk to me. i’m wondering if any other trans person (pref ftm) is in this sorta situation and can offer any advice. my gf does give me reassurance too it just feels like words tho and not actions but i feel like im genuinely just hella insecure and it’s ruining my relationship. pls help me 🫠

Is it really just because there could always be someone better? It’s more fun to live life always wondering, who you could meet and have a connection with? There are so many beautiful, interesting, lovely people in this world…. If you are in a committed monogamous relationship, you will never get to explore the spark you share with a stranger. This is like dating several people at once but never planning on picking your top one… right?! You just continue to date multiple people because freedom is the core value?

I’m falling for people who are poly and part of me is totally fine that they want to date other people why they date me. And also, I’m like, who has time for this? I barely have time for one partner 😅 It keeps coming into my life now I’m not sure if I am just meant to jump on the train and be open/date around or keeping hoping someone is interested in just making a commitment to be exclusive.

Sigh. Thank you for your responses. Always looking to expand and grow. I just love being in love. There’s more than enough to go around. I just also don’t know if polyamorous relationships are really what I’m looking for. I can understand it, and also, it feels like just people always hoping there’s someone better about to arrive at any moment 🫤

Hi! So, I am in a poly relationship with 2 other people. We'll call them R and S. S is the one feeling left out. S and R have been dating for 3 years, all 3 of us have been dating for about 5 or 6 weeks. R and I met almost a month before I found out about S. I live miles away from the both of them, but we try our best with online stuff. So R and I have matching profiles on pretty much every, even matching avatars on roblox. We talk just about every day. Now, 2 days ago, R and I got new matching profile pictures on Discord, and S updated their status not even 5 minutes later and it said "oh ok then" so, I did some digging because the timing was stupidly suspicious and what do you know, I find something in a server I forgot I was in. S was talking about it with some other people in the Discord server about feeling left out, someone suggested getting a fourth but I don't want to. I'm very protective and territorial over those I care about and it would take time before I adjust. I told R and we both were like "OMG, HOW DID WE NOT NOTICE THIS SOONER??? I FEEL SO BAD" Now I don't know if I should confront them about all this or just let them talk about it when they're ready. Sorry if I'm unclear about somethings, I'd happily answer any questions in the comments!

37 female. Im just hitting a wall when it comes to finding more open ppl. I crave connection and trust. And no one wants to build that. And i just need ppl i can talk too and feel like I fucking belong. Thank you.

So my last relationship my girlfriend wanted a poly relationship and I was open (had thought of it in the past and wasn't totally against the idea) but I ended up rejecting it because I was scared I'd be left

Now I'm reflecting as I get more confident and thinking..was I just insecure?

Cause now when I think of a poly relationship Idk I actually smile at the thought of my partners being able to be twice as happy and me as well and I genuinely have this little fantasy of my partners having a nice night when I need to stay home due to my pain condition and coming home to pamper me and tell me about their night and watch movies with me or having two partners to nurture one while they are sick

Idk I always thought I'd be pushed to the side in this kind of relationship but thinking more clearly on it..it seems nice

Honestly I think loving two people and pampering them sounds fun

I still have my insecurities of course but I feel they'd go away with time and trust and communication

I guess my question is, is this how it feels for people when they think about doing it or am I just mislead and still don't want it

I was also wondering if there were any good ways of trying it out, I'm assuming not really without just going head first into it but I'm very curious and if anyone wants to talk 1 on 1 who is poly I'd love to hear from you and just really get an understanding of it

I also think I should mention I'd be perfectly happy in a fully monogamous relationship but I think I really do see the appeal and would want it if my partner also wanted it (wish I knew that in the last one but we live and we learn)

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There is a couple who hosts frequent (almost weekly) parties at their home for LS and poly folks. My partner was violently assaulted by the man who owns the home at one of the parties. Then we were put on blast with our full legal names on social media. Including me who wasn't involved just to out me for being at a sex party. Our friends and family were contacted to embarrass us. I am not seeking advice on this matter. We consulted an attorney and did have the posts removed.

But I still wonder about my duty to warn others since I now host a regular ENM discussion group and meet so many new people who could easily end up in this space.

What duty do I have to new people entering the community?

Side note...anyone know why the mods at r/polyamory are so condescending? Like wth?