r/polyamorous

Hellllo all, I (30 F) and bisexual husband (5 years) (30 m) are navigating polyamory for the first time. He was the one to first introduce the concept for us with a friend already in mind to date. It’s been rough but I want to try.

Any advise?

My friend (22F) is in a situation that honestly sounds like a double life and I’m not sure how to feel about it, so I wanted outside opinions.
She’s been with her boyfriend (26M) for about 2 years. From what she’s told me, he’s a genuinely good guy—stable, kind, responsible—but emotionally not very available and there’s not really a romantic spark anymore. She says she still stays partly because of practical reasons and she thinks she loves him.
Outside of that, she’s also been involved in a lot of online connections.
When she’s bored, she goes on chat sites and ends up talking to guys. If she likes them, she moves them to other apps and keeps talking/flirting. Sometimes it turns sexual, sometimes it’s just attention and conversation. She says she enjoys the validation and feeling wanted.
Right now, there are a few main people in the picture:
One guy (in his late 30s) she met online. He’s married but says he’s in a complicated situation. They talk a lot, and he has a calm, mentor-type personality. She says he gives her a lot of emotional support, attention, and also a sexual connection. She feels really understood by him, even though they’ve never met.
Another guy (26) she recently met online. They’ve been flirting and sexting a bit. He says he doesn’t want anything serious, but there’s chemistry and she’s even said she would’ve dated him if they met under different circumstances.
There are also a couple of other guys she casually flirts with—nothing serious, just attention and fun. They don’t really have emotional depth compared to the other two.
She says she doesn’t feel forced into any of it and that she can stop talking to anyone anytime. She just likes the attention, validation, and feeling of being desired by multiple people. It also makes her feel more confident than she did growing up.
At the same time, she knows it’s messy—being in a relationship while also emotionally and sexually engaging with other people online—and she’s not sure what people would even call this situation from the outside.
I guess I’m just wondering how people would view this or what advice they’d give.

My wife loves me and I love her very much. The issue is that after 24 years, she no longer can orgasm during our love making sessions ( which have dwindled significantly) . She had medical issues going through menopause which made sex very uncomfortable for her, but now that she has received medications and exercises, she now enjoys masturbating , but only completely solo. So she questions whether it is US that won't allow her to orgasm or her body. We have seen therapists and during her discussion with her therapist, the idea of going into an open relationship came up so she can see if another man can satisfy her so she would know if it is her body or our relationship causing the issue. I would love to hear from others on their thoughts as I am thinking of letting her explore this avenue.

Hi, I don't really want to get super personal but I wanted to hear some thoughts from polyamorous people. I know that I'm the only one who can label myself and I know that I still have plenty of time to figure myself out (if I wanted to), but I would still like other opinions.

I have a complicated relationship with romance. I have never particularly cared for dating. I would just end up being friends with people and we get really close and decide to "date." There's little difference between romantic feelings and friendship to me. No one has given me a true definition of romance, so I have concluded it must be up to the individual person (I am willing to discuss this further! I love learning things and changing views based on new information!!!!) to decide what they classify as romantic and non-romantic. I'm deeply afraid to discuss this with anyone because what if some people think "ew!! you're in love with me!!" and what if a lover thinks "you only see me as a friend!??"

A few months ago, I stated having this, I guess fantasy? Where I'm in a group of researchers and no one on the outside can tell if we're in a research group or if we're dating each other. And that sounds really nice.

I kinda wish I could live with my friends. We could bake cookies together and do taxes and go shopping. They're all just so awesome. They know so many things, like where to find glass bottles and biology. I want to curl up next to all of them at night and get ready for work with them in the mornings. And perhaps do other things!? I know they do not feel the same though. And this is not the case for all of my friends. Only some.

So like, what's happening, is this common? How did you figure out that you're polyamorous? Is this the blessing or the curse of being human?

Edit: Now that my mind is less tired and more put-together, by "figured out they were polyamorous" I mean "knew they desired that type of relationship." I've always have wanted a group of people where we all love each other in a special (?), even if it's not "truly" polyamory. I don't see why I have to limit my love to one person. People are so wonderful.

I am M32, and my wife is W21. We got married two years ago. I am running a restaurant chain and I have enough resources and money to take care of multiple wives and now as an afghan muslim, I have the right to get a second wife. How to make it less stressful for my first wife?

Hello, see my old post here

Original Post

The site is live again. Sorry if you had any data on the old version. I was not able to migrate it during my self hosting solution. Thanks for all the interest!

My wife and I have known each other for about 15 years now, we are the same person but different genders. I have always known that she was bisexual and has had girlfriends in the past but it was never a topic that came up since we were already working on our own relationship. Flash forward to now however and we are happily married just living life and I told her since I know she is Bi I’d be completely fine with her enjoying the other side of her sexuality. I as a man obviously can’t provide to her what a women could so not only do I support her, I think it would be great.

We’re looking for a KTP type relationship, I’d like to atleast be friends with her partner and maybe even besties. The problem is, we have no idea how to go about doing this.

We’re on a few dating apps( no idea if they’re the right ones) and she’s gotten a few like but no one her type. How could I as her husband help her? She likes the idea of me acting as kinda a wingman letting other women know that she’s on the market but I’d really like advice on how to go about approaching that?

I’m not looking for anything more than a friendship from this person so maybe just being completely upfront would be the way to go but I don’t wanna jump the gun and ruin a possible relationship for her.

Any advice? I know every poly relationship is different but let me know what I’m doing right/wrong, also let me know if there’s something I/we’re missing.

Thank you!

Im 32f having some serious reservations about my 37m and my 32f gf becoming closer and I feel bad. I met my girl a year ago and we started this thing, in the last 6 months its turned into a slight KTP dynamic with me being the hing. My husband and i have been together for 10 years and we were ENM for 6 of those years. Last year I met this woman and we clicked, her and I fell so inlove it was insane. My husband gave his complete blessing and said he loves seeing me love and be loved by her. 6 months ago we decided to try the three of us together as honestly we all clicked and i had no problem with it and have given my blessing for things to move forward slowly between them. We have some rules based off everyone that they wont have sex if we all 3 aren't involved. I have had some issues due to a past trama with an x and im actively in counciling 2x a week and have been for the last 9 months so that I can try and work threw the jealousy and issues I have. She knew this coming in and my husband is a very nurturing man that has helped me for 10 years to get past a lot of things I went threw in my late teens early 20s. When her and I started it wasnt something that came up at all my issues come up due to them developing something. My husband, her, and myself have talked about this and she doesnt want to step back from a dynamic thats the 3 of us together and honestly for me in every aspect it 50/50 on when and where I'm okay with them growing their dynamic which is not okay or fair in any way especially when ive given my blessing.. my councilor says my feelings are normal but also maybe I am not poly in a ktp dynamic. Not sure where im going with this I never ment to fall into a poly dynamic and it wasnt something her or I felt we chose consciously but I love them both so much and I dont want anyone getting hurt.

My husband (m41) and I (f41) have been open for 15 years. If I’m being honest, I never really loved it in practice but I agree with it completely in theory. Not to mention, it felt like me being just a bit uncomfortable once and while was worth how happy it made him. I’ve dated here and there but I’m just too busy and honestly, too lazy to deal with more than one romantic relationship at a time.

But now things feel different. I’m going through perimenopause, and it’s been a lot emotionally, physically, and mentally. My confidence has taken a hit, my moods are all over the place, I’m bleeding every other week, sleeping like shit, and I just don’t feel like myself.

Meanwhile, he’s started seeing women who are 10–15 years younger than me.

I’m spiraling in a way I’ve never done and all the things I’ve done for the last 15 years to self soothe and remind myself those relationships aren’t about me don’t work even a little bit.  It’s hitting me in a way I didn’t expect. I feel insecure, jealous, and honestly kind of invisible. Like I’m aging out while he’s still choosing younger.

I don’t want to be someone who suddenly “can’t handle it” after agreeing to it. I don’t want to sabotage his relationships. But I also can’t ignore how much this is affecting me right now. Everything that used to help just doesn’t.  When I talk to him about it he’s understanding but not willing to change much of what he’s doing.

Has anyone else gone through something like this? Especially with perimenopause changing how you feel about yourself and your relationship?

I don’t even know what I need—advice, perspective, or just to hear that I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

Hello all! This will probably be long, but I really hope to get some insight.

I have been very happy with my current partner for around 2 years. We've had our issues, but have been EXCELLENT at communicating through them.

Lately though, I have repeatedly felt rejected, dismissed and even abandoned a couple times. Not directly because of anything he has or has not done. I've tried really hard to communicate with him through these incidents, and he has tried very hard to be validating and understanding. Over the last week or so, I've been thinking about seeking another partner. Not because I'm unsatisfied with my current partner, but because I feel like my expectations of him are out of proportion for what he is capable of in his life right now.

For context: I'm a mental health therapist. I'm highly communicative and secure in my attachments (typically). But, I am also HIGHLY emotional (not reactive- I have big feelings, but they don't control my actions), and I can be highly needy in the attention/affection department of relationships. I've been poly for many years, but it has been over a year since I've dated anyone outside of this current relationship. I had another anchor-ish partner when we started seeing each other, but he moved out of state and is more like a comet connection now.

He is in the middle of a big life transition. he is just learning how to put himself first and prioritize his needs. He is living a sober life for the first time ever and is basically relearning who he is (or for the first time).

We have been wonderful support for each other for a long time. More recently, though, I have felt like I need more attention. At the same time, I don't want to take any time or attention from him and the life he is building for himself.

This is the first time he has been in a poly relationship. When we have discussed dating outside of our relationship, he is open, receptive, supportive, and communicative.

I can't help but wonder if I were dating or seeing someone else, if my expectations of him would ease up and lessen the pressure on him. If I could get some of the security and stability back without taking more time or attention away from the other priorities in his life right now.

I'm not looking for criticism or judgement on our relationship, but if anyone wants to give me some insight into when or if you *decide* to seek out another partner, or just let it happen naturally. And if you might relate to some of the things I've expressed feeling?

Reddit can be harsh sometimes, but I've been very impressed with how supportive the poly community is here. So thank you for that. 🩵💛🩷💜💙

Ugh dating is already hard, but I find it very hard to find POLY on any dating apps and also when I tell men I'm interested in in being in a poly relationship they ALWAYS immediately think I'm easy/slut/fuck right away. I really want to build a relationship with someone and be transparent about wanting ENM up front. Am I doing it wrong? I am so new to this world and want to explore it. I don't want to lead anyone on by not being transparent in the beginning. I guess I just don't know where to look or start. Any help would be appreciated.

I [30NB] don't think I'm really poly and my wife [29 F] is already entagled with other partners.

So I \[30NB\] and my wife \[29 F\] have been poly since the beginning of our relationship, but we have 2 kids and lived a lot of life since then, including both of us unpacking childhood traumas and cutting off both our respective families. When our last baby was born we decided to change our relationship to closed while we were sorting through new baby struggles.

My issue is last January she randomly caught feeling for a work friend that I introduced her. It really messed with me, she just did it, never had a conversation, and she had asked her out before I even had a chance to object. There was a bunch of arguing but my friend ended up not being interested and we don't really talk to her anymore 😕.

She has dated 3 other people this year and everytime I bring up being uncomfortable, that I don't feel like I want to be poly anymore and that she is making me feel like she is shopping for someone else to give her what I can't.

Obviously she has reassued me the whole way but I just can't be happy for my wife dating someone else while I'm home taking care of kids alone.

Last night she wen to spend sometime at her girlfriends house and she never came back home. She called me at midnight to tell me she fell asleep and was going to spend the night. I am so numb I couldn't even cry about it.

TLDR I am so unsure if I should stay and try to change my mind on her dating other people. Or if I should to talk to my wife and ask her to be monogamous? I havent spoken to anyone older than 5 in a month so I could really use some adult perspectives.

Hi everyone. I’m VelvetWreckage and I am 34yrs old.

I am Poly-curious, triad-oriented (MMF).

I’ve known I wanted something differrent, something more, since I was a teen, but I learned to hide it after getting shut down over and over and hearing “there’s something wrong with you” and "no-one could love someone like you"....among other things, for years.

I have been single for a few years now because silence and being alone felt safer and easier than trying to communicate how I felt or what I wanted.

I don’t have all the words yet, but I’m done hiding.

I'm here to listen, learn and find my people.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Does Open relationship status means you are still looking? Seriously is that the reason? If not then please explain why to invest the sexual energy in some one that is not your true partner. Don’t BS me with different sex needs or something along these lines. Are you not happy that you look for another experience? Where are your boundaries and how truly you respected them looking back. Be true. I am curious myself although I have my current opinion set. 🙏🏻 for all the responders and yea I am not a bot to all these who like to comment that 🤷🏼‍♂️

Hi! I’m a F\\Croatia/25. Wondering how does one get an MMF relationship? Where to begin, is there someone with experience to share the do’s and don’ts? I tried Tinder and typed for some time but everyone bailed.
Do you do single meet-ups before the group one? I thought it would be nice for all three of us to meet at the same time. I would really appreciate advice going forward!
Is it bad if I mention to them I am a yaoi fan and have been dreaming of having two boyfriends that like one another and then also me?