RSD - It kicks me hard
Greetings,
First time poster - Long time AuDHD'er.
After a few years being single, I have entered a relationship with an autistic woman. We have been together for over two months, while things have been fantastic, RSD is presenting itself more than what I'd like.
I am a mature student (34) undertaking a major life change by going back to University. I have found any free time I have alone enables my RSD to give me a kicking. I have started counselling with a neuroaffirming counsellor, we discussed tackling my RSD, but I feel I am hitting a limit with RSD, I mean to the point I don't want to face it anymore (it's become an annoyance). I recognise RSD but the drop is intense. I only seem to be able to function when I'm busy or under a lot of pressure. The current holiday period drives me up the walls, I find myself when I'm alone either doom thinking or driving miles upon miles.
My girlfriend is very supportive, loving, and understanding but I fear I am starting to become a nuisance, yet that doesn't seem to be the case. I am desperate to get this RSD under control, because I fear it will begin to affect our very close wonderful relationship.
My RSD is presenting itself in the form of 'not being good enough', 'I am second place to everyone', 'she probably will find someone else because I'm too chaotic' I.e. I am extremely hard on myself and end up hating myself. When I'm not in a RSD spiral I know none of this is true. I know it's irrational thinking but when I'm deep in it I forget the rational thinking such as she loves me, she and I trust each other. We are brutally honest with each other with full transparency, but RSD pokes it's ugly head up, I find myself recognising it's RSD but I can't fight it when I'm deep into it.
If I can figure out how to gain control at the point it kicks in and rationalise I will be able to do the rest.
For those who have been in similar situations, how did you overcome it or make it easier?
Many thanks