The first of many
You won’t hear from me in the real world. I meant what I said. I won’t reach out to you. I can’t. So if you find yourself missing my words, you’ll find me here. I need a space for this love to go, I need a space for it to be heard. Random strangers on the internet will have to do.
I woke up today with a dull ache in my chest. A hollowness so vast and empty that not even an echo could be found. There is a heaviness on me, like a weighted blanket that’s somehow too enticing to take off. My heart welcomes it…a weary surrender at best. As if I had any other choice.
I told you I loved you, and in that same breathe I told you goodbye. My love for you cannot exist in this universe.
Should not.
Can not.
And yet, it does.
I know you don’t believe me. Infatuation. Limerence… “the grass is greener”. Whatever way you’d like to explain away my fascination with you.
I want it to be that, too. And for a time, maybe it was.
But love often shows up unannounced. Uninvited. She is the morning glory in the garden that gently weaves through every crevice. To remove her would cause too much damage, so I let her stay.
If I choose to let you stay in my heart, will you be there forever?
I heard you when you said “I love you, too.”