Is a romantic relationship realistic with audhd
Ended an almost 10yr 1st time relationship because I was cheated on, but I feel like my neurodivergence pushed them there.
i had some emotionally challenging life moments that crippled me in ways I didn’t expect, and my ex helped me the best they knew how. I couldn’t show up the way I needed to and I know it made a mark in the relationship. I got therapy and felt a lot better after learning how to address my life. I genuinely felt happy.
They would always tell me how they would vent to family and friends about me and how people would suggest that they leave me. I could tell over time they were jaded because of the past. I would feel so defeated because they were the avoidant type and always would tell me after the fact. Any time they would mention a grievance, I would try my best to make sure their needs were met because I felt that was holding them back from proposing even after I was in a better headspace.
I would constantly check-in because I couldn’t read between the lines like they wanted me to. But I was made to feel silly for doing so. They pretty much told me it was a pointless effort.
A month or two before the breakup I also asked them to help me, help them because I knew my adhd was greatly impacting how I interacted and they flat out said they didn’t want to, and it crushed me.
In the end, right after the breakup, I was told that I’m smart enough and I should just know how to carry on in a relationship. How the hell would I know how to do that when this was my first time? I came from an anxious single parent household where I pretty much was enabled to do the bare minimum and rarely saw healthy adult relationship. So I used my relationship as a way to learn the do’s and dont’s.
I told them I got nothing from the relationship other than learning how to see the red flags in others rather than in myself and to be hyper aware of how I’m being perceived.
I don’t know how to “be normal” and read the unspoken. It’s frustrating because I’m scared that who I am is too difficult
It been some months since the breakup and I’m starting to accept that I may also be on the autism spectrum as well because of some other traits I have. I.e., taking things too literal, holding people to their word, having a short fuse when my plans are interrupted, social awkwardness, feeling intensely uncomfortable lying, etc,… It’s helping me make sense of why it may have been so difficult for me to show up the way they maybe needed, but at the same time they could never explicitly tell me what they want or the goal post was constantly being moved when I would meet literal expectations. I am at the point of feeling like I won’t ever be enough.
Is it possible to find love and stay in love? Has anyone found that person that accepts you entirely?