u/Milothy

A mix of a rant/need advice. Sorry for the long post !!

Just to establish the dynamics, I come from a house of 7 children (significant 8 year age gap after the 4th child) and only the two youngest are home-schooled.

After COVID (and after my oldest sibling moved out) my parents switched the last two into online school primarily because she said that it would “help with the adjusting process.” Since the kids were still fairly young and adjusting to school life after COVID and the mask debacle. (I’ve been in and out of college myself since then) and the effects are almost too blatantly obvious and I don’t know what I can do. They’re 10 and 7 now. 10, he’s very obviously autistic and learns way differently (with his own special interest) but they refuse to get him tested. He actually went to regular school with his older sister, but my mom just didn’t put him back in. He’s expressed wanting to go back when I’ve asked. The 7 year old can still barely form coherent sentences and after speaking with her, my mom has her convinced that she’s not old enough to be in regular school. Can’t even remember her age, birthday, or much less write. She plays with her 4 and 2 year old nephews and they’re catching up quicker than she’s been given the chance to. You can even tell in their speech. They both have access to unlimited screen time (even when something breaks, they have back up phones and devices. Even if they break it themselves because my parents would rather not deal with them), food/not a set eating schedule,( big house, processed foods. 6/7 kids have been obese a time or two. Most of us working on it in our adulthood.) with no where to go with no responsibilities (can’t even get them to clean.) I don’t see this going well for anyone involved. Multiple times where my mom will take their online school work and have someone else do it because they “waited too late and need to do it quick.” And how it shouldn’t be a problem because it’s “easy work”…for the adult that’s about to do it while the kids sit on the couch.

Also doesn’t help that my 2nd oldest sister has also fueled them staying out of school because she projected her own experience as a fat loser onto them (i can say this. I was too ! Just not a loser, and I hate her for a different reason. Sorry let me be objective.) my brother has a lazy eye and has a very particular speech, with a belly button hernia. My little sister is obese with no basic social skills which can make her be pretty selfish. My sister told my mom that she’d get bullied for being fat especially (her experience, but not saying it can’t happen. Kids are mean.) so instead of recognizing the danger of how they have this 7 year old living, they just avoid the school system entirely. I actually have never seen her do her own work ever. And Texas passes on kids regardless of actual performance. It fucking sucks.

Now, I’m a capable adult who had joy in learning growing up. I don’t have kids but I supervise the ones they pop out or allow into the home. But I’m very restricted in what I can do. There are times where I try toinstill random knowledge, but they don’t listen if it doesn’t interest them. (Trying to get them to pay attention to count to THREE in Spanish (for fun) was nerve-wrecking) And it gets to a point where even my own hands get tied. I have authority to them so I can, in theory, make them listen. But my mom will impede progress. My mom does this thing with her most obedient child, where they’ll be the favorite- and therefore untouchable. (When you have a child that doesn’t learn and the only thing the parent does is punish sometimes(to instill the fear/respect) and reward (because the child only functions in obedience and doesn’t really gain a sentient, learning mind for herself. WITH parents who aren’t good emotionally but financially) it creates this loop, and why would a child that can do wtv they want think that’s a bad thing.) So, all they gotta do is “tell on me.” Say I’m “being mean” (aka me telling them to do anything they don’t want to) Or cry from any extra work given. And I’ll get the most pushback for messing with them or making my mom feel like “she’s not doing enough.” (She has her own business and stays at home. She’s not) and it gets bad. Last time I told her about her habits in raising these same children, it got domestic. I still have the case number, lol. The only thing they’ve been able to get through to them is….Jesus. Don’t get me fucking started.

I’m just at a loss because the kids have so much potential, and I’m just screaming into a void. Between my college and work schedule, I’m already trying to take them outside more to get them active and socializing. I’m already handicapped in a way because my parents made sure to not teach me how to drive or help me get a car. So I can’t even take them outside for experiences if I wanted to. Do I just watch them spiral into a lack of education?

If you’ve experienced being in the homeschool position— if you had a capable sister within these same bounds, what would you want them to do in order to gain at-least SOME direction? Any educators? What can I instill at home that they’d enjoy, that’ll keep me out of my mom’s wrath? In the meantime, I’m gonna start pushing for regular school more. The best parents I’ve ever had were in between those walls. They have to know that there’s more and that they deserve better than what they’re getting.

Eezy ball goers !!