hello, I'm from the cornfields (U Illinois) I'm visiting mit tomorrow, are there any nice places / things to do which are interesting and worth visiting that aren't that well known?
I've been noticing a recurring pattern in my life. I struggled with math in school and college, but I still managed to land a job at a startup. It was stressful and borderline unhealthy, but it opened a door for me: a full free ride for my MS.
That pattern is the thing I keep circling back to. I work incredibly hard, I achieve something genuinely good — and then, the moment I have it and the next step arrives, I choke. The pressure blocks all the creativity that got me there in the first place. It's happened more than once, and I can see it clearly now.
My MS made this obvious. My advisor was very hands-off, and even though I find research genuinely interesting, the absence of feedback wore me down. I considered dropping out more than once. I felt lost, and I think I let opportunities to do good, publishable work slip by. I submitted a paper that probably won't be accepted — and what stings is that I believe with just a bit more support, it could have gone well. I've realized how heavily I lean on an external feedback loop, which is exactly why working with an absent advisor was so hard for me.
Now I'm at a crossroads. I have a couple of job offers. Some pay more but are less engaging; one is in a role and domain I want and couldn't find anywhere else. The catch is that taking it might mean working under the same dynamic with the same advisor (though as an employer) that already hurt me, and the precedent worries me. I can't decide, and I feel completely stuck.
It feels like I might have to start over. Logically I know not everything is lost — but I feel kind of broken. What hurts most is that I can do good things; I just can't seem to control when and how. I've lost track of how other people seem to navigate this so much more easily, and I badly want this to stop being so painful