u/Miserable_Dare_5958

Howdy folks,

After extended abuse from the spouse, I am finally at the stage of divorce petition, and have some questions that I hope you can help with.

My lawyer's office drafted the petition.

Question #1
Lawyer asks my spouse pays my legal fees. Is this a good idea? Will this piss off the spouse more? (I am the breadwinner, and pay 3x the bills, but don't make even 2x the salary)

Question #2
Also under real estate, personal property, and debts, the lawyer listed to ask the courts to divide equitably. Is this just the template response and it's not decided until mediation/trial?

Thank you.

Gents,

My lawyer informed me that the current evidence against the spouse may not be enough to get a restraining order (disabling smart locks, smart lights & smart garage, setting up traps and roadblocks, late loud noise, and disrupting my Zoom meetings by pausing the WIFI to my devices). I think it's because I can simply re-enable the stuff she's disrupted.

In case the RO is denied, is a cease and desist effective? Or should I just proceed with the divorce? (We are both living in the same house still).

It's annoying, I've been sick often, and I've had to sleep at my boss's home on several occasions.

I expect the spouse to get even more hostile soon because I've flipped the script and am using full-on silent treatment on her, which she absolutely hates more than anything.

Thanks.

Hello gents,

My spouse has been using my HSA Visa for a year without permission now. I am the owner of the HSA account and contribute to it monthly. One time, she got mad when I had to pay medical bills with my own HSA balance. She declared it was a joint account when she's just an authorized user.

She's been drawing from the HSA balance regularly this year. Right now the balance is close to zero. We both went to the doctor recently, so we will both get our bills soon.

Of course, I will prioritize paying for my bill first. When she gets her bill, and the Visa gets declined, and she asks me to pay it, can I ignore or decline to pay her bill? (I already over pay for all our bills while she gaslights, projects, and lies).

She's been hostile and abusive towards me for months now. The counselor and the domestic abuse resource said don't cut off her access, but prioritize your legit needs first. it will be seen in a positive light during the divorce. What do you all think?

Thanks.

EDIT: I added her as an authorized to the HSA card. I gave her authorization to use the card. We are in a community property state

Hello folks,

I am sick from stress (headaches, upset stomach, flu) because the spouse yells, slams doors, cuts power and WIFI, creates traps and roadblocks in the house, creates loud noise during quiet hours, etc.

Can I NOT pickup her new puppy poop and NOT do her dishes, garbage, toilet cleaning, etc? I only use my private room. She uses 90% of the house. I pay 90% of the bills. Besides having a dirty home, can not doing the house work be weaponized against me? I've done it for so long, but now I am sick and have a huge work deficit because of the shenanigans at home.

I am home only for 6 hours a day, 7 days a week. Some days I might sleep in my car or at work when the noise or harassment is too much.

Thanks.

Gentlemen,

I've been seeing counselors, domestic abuse resources, church leaders, and lawyers for months now. I've officially retained a lawyer. I've been organizing evidence for months now.

Looking back at my photos with the spouse, we have 10 years of memories together. The first 4-5 years were phenomenal. I sacrificed so much for her. I moved mountains for her.

The last 3-4 months have been extremely hard. My health is deteriorating. I'm about to officially ask the court to formally ask for the harassment to stop. But I feel guilty AF. WTF is wrong with me. I should feel happy for the peace that is about to come. But I also know once divorce is served, the spouse will escalate the harassment. To the point where I may react, and I don't want to react.

How did y'all get through the guilt and push through?

Howdy gentlemen,

Do any of you live in your office or car? I have to out of necessity because of sleep deprivation and other hostilities and shenanigans at home.

I have the following at my work office

• first aid kit, coffee machine, hot water boiler, food/water, CO detector
• foldable mattress, pillow, blankets, all hygiene stuff
• passport, SSN, global entry, nexus, debit / credit, etc
• clothing, pajamas
• 6 - 27 Gallon storage boxes from home depot
• 9 - document boxes from home depot
• PS5 Pro, Nintendo Switch 2, personal and work laptops
• there is a shared kitchen, microwave, fridge where I store frozen pizza / burritos

In my car

• gym bag (hygiene, clothes, gym clothes, etc)
• tinted windows
• magnetic window curtains, rear and front sun shade
• food and water
• backup generators
• CO detector

For mail and deliveries

• USPS postal box 5 minute walk away
• Amazon Locker 5 minute walk away
• Sometimes delivery to office (reception won't rat on me)

For showers and exercise

• Planet Fitness 24/7 gyms

Some folks have noticed my setup at work. They didn't say anything, and I haven't heard from HR, so it's a non-issue. There are 24/7 cams that show me entering and exiting. I can see myself on the cams via the app. No one has ever said anything. My boss probably knows because he has offered his home to me.

I've built this setup from watching other folks on YouTube secretly live out of their office or cars.

I'm doing this while paying 3X - 4X of the home bills. At home, I've been collecting evidence of the spouse harassing me and will submit an anti-harassment order soon.

Thought I'd share this in case it helps other people, and in case you can offer suggestions to make my setup more efficient.

Thank you.

EDIT:

I can't stack any more boxes at the office without raising any more attention. And my car trunk and back seats are full of my stuff. So I may need to rent a small storage space soon.

Good afternoon gentlemen,

I'm preparing for a worst case scenario where I might lose access to my cell phone.

My spouse is listed as the account owner on cell/internet, but it's using my phone number, email, and credit card.

I am thinking of transferring the number before serving notice, but she may get notified.

Or i can get a new number from a different carrier and update my cell phone in all my accounts to the new number, before cutting the current number.

What's the safest or cleanest way?

Thanks.

Hello gentlemen,

How did y'all pay for your divorce lawyer(s)? I only have a few grand in my checking account. I am considering borrowing from my 401K (which allows 50% or 50K whichever is less), or a line of credit, or a loan from the bank.

My lawyer says that once a divorce has been started, and orders are in place, I won't be able to withdraw from my 401K.

I don't want my credit to go down from a loan or a line of credit. But I also understand that cashing my 401K to pay for potential lawyer fees from a contested case may get deducted from the final judgement.

What did y'all do? Thanks.