[19 F] I can’t tell if I genuinely like women or if it’s just influence
Hi everyone. I’ve had a persistent doubt for quite some time now, and the frustration that comes with it has honestly been tormenting me during all this time.
About a year and a half ago, I started watching Thai GL series after avoiding them for a long time. In my head, it didn’t make sense for me to watch GLs if I was straight, even though I had watched BLs before and never questioned that logic much.
At first everything felt normal, just another series like any other. But during that very first GL, I caught myself wondering if I might actually like women.
The truth is that I’ve never really fallen in love or genuinely liked someone before. I’ve never been in a relationship, so I don’t really know what that feeling is supposed to be like. I always hated the idea of relationships, marriage, and having a family… until that moment.
The series made me wonder if having that kind of care, comfort, and emotional closeness with someone could actually be something good. But whenever I imagined that comfort, I simply couldn’t picture a man there.
Throughout my life, there were situations that made me feel disgust and especially fear toward men, so I started wondering if this doubt could just be caused by that fear, by the series, books, and the content I consume in general.
But the truth is that it’s been a year and a half, and this question still comes back every single day. Whenever there’s silence, my mind goes back to it again. So now I keep wondering if I could genuinely like women, or if this is all just influence.
Sorry for the long text, and thank you so much if anyone is willing to help or share their perspective.