u/Mobius-One1

I've been struggling with friendships for a while now and I just feel really defeated about it, I really don't know what to do next or how to cope with it.

I've met with such wonderful people over the years which we've shared such pain, joy, sorrow and happiness together yet somehow, every friendship I've had ended up the same, one day they stop talking to me and I have to learn how to live again on my own, trying to make sense of what just happened and trying to make sense of how a person that once was very close to you became just another stranger again.

And I try to be comprehensive and understand that everyone is going their own way, maybe our paths can no longer cross but nevertheless it just feels awful to lose such a deep connection with someone

For a while now I have been living without any meaningful friendship mostly due to the fact that I am not really comfortable with opening myself to others, I really don't want to get closer to someone else and live with the fear everyday that maybe it could be the last day I could enjoy it with them, but I really don't feel comfortable living like this, this fear will only consume me.

Maybe I am just been unlucky and meet the wrong people or just meet the right people at the wrong time. I am completely stumped of how can I get myself to associate with the right kind of people.

I've tried meeting people in real life but most of the time I only get such superficial relantioships, and I've tried to meet people online too but it feels really imposible to talk to someone else online it just feels like everyone is on a circle of friends that feels impossible to break into being an outsider.

Any help or advice is really appreciated, thanks