this player toxic or am I the problem
So… was this player toxic, or am I the problem here?
I genuinely need outside opinions because this situation ended with a player getting kicked from our campaign, and somehow I still feel guilty about it.
We’re playing a dark fantasy campaign in a corrupt city ruled by an oppressive government. My character is a Peace Domain cleric who started idealistic but has been slowly breaking mentally because of the horrors happening around him.
Let me introduce the party first:
- Larry: Wizard
- Sylph: Paladin
- Sera (my character): Cleric
- Martin: Hexblade Warlock
My issue is mainly with Martin’s PLAYER, not necessarily the character itself.
The biggest problem was constant interruption.
For example:
We’d be in the middle of an emotional/dramatic character arc scene, and suddenly he would interrupt for no reason just to make some random joke that honestly wasn’t funny, then keep repeating it while laughing into the mic for several minutes straight.
Or he would suddenly insert himself into scenes he had no reason to be part of.
Or interrupt conversations constantly in general.
I’m not exaggerating when I say he could talk for literally 30 minutes straight, then get annoyed if someone else wanted to speak. And when he DID let someone talk, sometimes it would last like 10 seconds before he interrupted again and took over the conversation.
And this wasn’t just a “once or twice” thing.
We actually recorded some sessions, and after rewatching them, yes, he REALLY was talking for that long.
Another issue:
He constantly tried to argue other characters into completely changing their beliefs.
Example:
My character had JUST witnessed someone die horribly in front of him. The literal next scene, Martin’s character pulls mine aside for what became a 30+ minute real-life argument trying to convince my cleric to exploit the poor for information by giving them food/money in exchange for spying.
I kept refusing because it directly went against my character’s beliefs.
Then he asked if he could roll persuasion on me.
This was especially frustrating because during Session 0 we ALL agreed:
No player-vs-player persuasion/deception/insight rolls unless BOTH players consent.
And it wasn’t only me.
He did this with basically everyone, including NPCs.
Even when a decision was already clearly made, he would keep arguing endlessly trying to “win” the discussion.
At one point he argued with the paladin for around FIFTY MINUTES about using lethal traps.
Our sessions are only 3-4 hours long once a week.
You can imagine how exhausting that became.
Another issue:
He almost ALWAYS pushed for the most violent solution possible.
(Warning: violence)
Breaking fingers.
Cutting tongues out.
Psychological torture.
Threatening helpless NPCs.
Etc.
At one point, his character mocked, threatened, and physically assaulted a mentally unstable NPC who we actually needed alive, which ended with that NPC killing himself.
Naturally, my character started distrusting his character after this.
Later during a combat encounter, I cast Bless… but intentionally did NOT cast it on Martin because my character no longer trusted him.
The player got genuinely upset OUT OF CHARACTER because I didn’t buff him.
And honestly that confused me.
Like… am I somehow the bad guy for roleplaying consequences?
Anyway, the session that finally destroyed everything happened recently.
Martin’s character wanted me to meet a character named Silas, someone ONLY he knew. Apparently they were secretly planning some shady stuff together, and I accidentally ruined their plans earlier by doing something morally good.
Now here’s the important metagaming context:
Silas SPECIFICALLY told Martin:
“Just deliver ONE sentence to Sera and tell him where to meet me. Do NOT argue with him. Do NOT discuss anything else.”
This is because Martin’s relationship with my character was already terrible.
Instead… Martin immediately started the conversation by insulting my character for ruining plans my character didn’t even know existed.
Then he suddenly said this phrase to my cleric:
“Peace is not stillness. It is bond. Break it, and you break yourself.”
This sentence is EXTREMELY important to my character’s backstory and goddess.
He NEVER told ANYONE this phrase before. Ever.
So obviously my character freaked out and demanded to know how Martin knew it.
Martin’s answer?
“Someone told me to tell you.”
That’s it.
No explanation.
No reassurance.
Nothing.
And keep in mind:
This is a character/player who lies CONSTANTLY.
Even over small pointless things.
And my character had caught him lying many times before.
So naturally my character didn’t trust him.
Instead of trying to calm the situation or explain things better, Martin spent around TEN REAL-LIFE MINUTES threatening my character:
“I’ll kill you.”
“I’ll torture you.”
Etc.
But honestly, it stopped sounding like roleplay very quickly.
The threats became extremely personal.
There was direct insulting, mocking, and aggressive language that genuinely felt aimed at ME as a player, not at my cleric.
And this is important:
This was actually the SECOND time he had done something like this.
Normally I try very hard not to take in-character conflict personally. I actually enjoy character drama when everyone is respectful about it.
But after the session, the OTHER PLAYERS themselves came to me and said:
“Yeah… that definitely sounded directed at you personally.”
and
“That stopped sounding in-character a while ago.”
Which honestly made me feel even worse because I kept trying to convince myself maybe I was overreacting.
Finally I asked the DM if I could speak because I literally couldn’t get a word in.
My character responded basically saying:
“You’re disgusting, manipulative, and socially incapable. If you want something from someone, ask respectfully. I’ll ignore your threats this once, but if I see you again, I’ll stop you myself.”
Important context:
My cleric is usually extremely kind and forgiving, but from the start of the campaign we established the ONE thing he absolutely does not tolerate is personal humiliation/insults.
Then the DM asked Martin’s player:
“Do you want to retcon the threats?”
And Martin’s player said:
“I don’t mind retconning, BUT THAT IS WHAT MY CHARACTER WOULD DO.”
The moment he said that, I told the DM:
“Then I don’t want the retcon either. If that’s what his character would do, then let the consequences stay.”
The DM agreed.
Session ended there.
Afterward the DM heavily criticized the player, but the player still insisted he wasn’t wrong.
Eventually he admitted that he had started taking things personally OUT OF CHARACTER because I kept unintentionally interfering with secret backstory plans that I literally knew nothing about.
And even then he still insisted I was actually the problem.
The DM finally decided to remove him from the campaign.
The weirdest part?
AFTER all this, I actually defended him and said maybe we should give him another chance.
The DM refused.
Then I privately messaged the player afterward because I genuinely felt bad for him and wanted to comfort him despite being the one who got personally threatened for 10 minutes.
Do you know what happened?
He ignored me completely.
He still talks normally with every other player EXCEPT me.
And the thing that hurts most is:
We were actually friends before this campaign.
So honestly…
Am I crazy here?
Was this toxic behavior?
Or was I a bad player?