Sexual Emotional Compatibility is Rare
It is really cruel I always meet men with outstanding drama issue. My ex-husband was a fraud who embezzled people's money (including mine). My long term ex-boyfriend before him (both sexually and emotionally compatible with me even though we have different hobby) was too fragile when it was time to decide for our marriage plan.
My situationship was clear, he didnt want relationship, but still he longed for emotional connection that I just couldnt feel the ability to love him in that way. Just sex that works, nothing else. My last year boyfriend was ok on the outside. He groom himself good, recently divorced, but has some dysfunction in his genital.
My recent emotional supportive boyfriend is Asexual. He performs very good in bed, he just doesn't like it and despises it. He is sweet, always make time for me, understand my dark jokes, and he has smart mind. He loves me, but he is just not into anybody in that way. Nothing's wrong with that. But it is either I hurt him or he hurt me. I don't feel seen, and he thought he was an object and it scares him.
When we first had sex I didnt know it would hurt him so much, because the sex was plausible. He is very attractive and function really well. Then the second time we did it (which was prefect too), he was distance and didn't tell me why until I asked. I misunderstood him for low libido all this time. Because statistically meeting an asexual is rare, I couldnt think of him being one. I thought he was bored with me and already have someone else in mind. I can understand boredom, I am not mad. But finding the truth that he is Asexual somehow make me feel bad about myself, that I have forced him. I push him to fill my sexual desire because my body feels attracted to him so much. I am an awful person.
That makes me wonder, why couldn't I meet people with the same energy? As heterosexual woman, I think statistically I should've had bigger pool, bigger chance of finding single men with good profile and mutual romantic energy.
I am easygoing, I go out often, I do multisport. I meet people. My rule is simple, he has to be good profile and character, fit body (sex is a lot of cardio, someone who trains a lot tend to have lots energy in sex, he will perform well, or so I think), financially responsible (at least for himself), love sex a lot, and want to engage monogamously with me. I want someone who see me beautiful, think kinks about me, desire me sexually, enjoy sexual compliment about him too. Then we can build emotional engagement after. Somehow age different (much younger or older) or religion doesn't matter, not that I want to get married so soon. I don't think it is slutty, it is just my preference in sex rank no 1 in my life. I see sex can value 50% in relationship, the other is for beautiful mind with high intelligence, and the remaining is for the rest aspects.