u/Moonlxmousse

I don’t have anywhere else to say this without sounding insane, so here I am. That’s sad lol

I have a really bad habit of having weird, nonsensical thoughts that have 0 correlation and make no sense. For example, “if the ink of my pen runs out before I finish this essay, something bad will happen to me tomorrow” when I notice my pen ink running low. Or “If their car passes my house within 30 seconds, I’ll be fine. If it doesn’t, I’m not going to do well on my finals when the results come out” when I see my neighbour starting up their car and I’m worried about my results. Or “if my battery is below 30% when I check it, (insert something bad I’ve been worried about) will happen” just before I check my phone battery. Stuff along those lines. They’re constant and I have at least 40 of them each day with everything I do. Honestly, I swear my brain gets off to giving me more reasons to panic or be nervous over the most absurd things and I despise it.

I don’t know if it’s a conscious thing, a learnt habit, or just me unable to separate superstition from reality, but it’s been affecting my everyday life. At this point I’m terrified of going out more because I don’t want to see something that’ll trigger one of these thoughts and leave me feeling hella anxious 24/7. I’ve been so restless lately. But I need to get my shit together. Friends and family have noticed my reluctance to go anywhere but stay in my room but I can’t exactly tell them any of this without sounding like a fool. Especially not in an Asian country where mental health seems less known in adults or society.

Sorry if I make any grammatical errors. English isn’t my first language.