Broken penis at 29, ruined my life and nobody knows
About 1.5 years ago, in March 2025, I pinched/squeezed my penis a little too hard and developed a rare painful condition known as hard flaccid syndrome (HFS). It causes ED, low libido, and altered sensations like pain or numbness. It's virtually unknown to urologists, there's no cure for most of the cases, and it's usually permanent. This is a real condition, not some crazy imagined stuff, there are some real scientific papers published about it in the recent decades, it's just very very rare, and not in the course of urologists or any kind of docs, really.
The ED can be managed with the usual stuff they give for that, but my main problem is that normal physical contact generates pain. Supposedly it's nerve pain, which is very hard to cure and manage. I am living with pain; it comes and goes. It's unlikely I can have intercourse in the normal way.
So how do I begin...
At age 25, I finally had the feeling that I had things figured out. I'd come to realize what I really wanted from life, and it was falling in love, starting a serious relationship, and to eventually live a simple, happy married life.
I processed things in my past. I became conscious of the bad patterns I've learnt and I left behind living selfishly for myself. I had a sort of spiritual awakening and had discovered things like responsibility, and that love is the answer; that the only thing worth living for is loving someone.
I had (still have) a great job which I enjoy doing, with 50 paid holidays a year.
I was so optimistic and enthusiastic about my future.
So all of this was shattered when I was 29.
I am 31 years old, reasonably healthy, not terribly unattractive, and everyone around me is hopefully optimistic and expectant about my future, especially about my romantic life.
I can't tell them, because how do you just say: "yeah, well, my dick don't work".
The anxiety, the shame, the shattered self-esteem.
The vanished goals, the once-bright future now pitch-dark.
The helplessness. The pain.
The feeling of waking up every morning, thinking of this first thing, 'this can't be real, I'm on the wrong timeline, I want to return'- this was stronger in the beginning.
I am living day-to-day with this thing in my mind, and in my body.
Sometimes I feel like I have come to peace with the thought of living alone for the rest of this life; I imagine an idyllic, sort of hermit-like existence.
On other days, I am in despair - what the hell will I do for another 4-5 decades?
I don't have much hope either for curing or even managing this to a point of normal functionality... (imagine going to a physician and telling them that you have a rare condition which they never even heard about. Yeah, good luck with that...)
There are some practitioners (I'm talking a handful, in the world) who claim to deal with this somehow, but there's still no real cure. They probably claim it for the money.
Neither have I much hope that I can have a happy relationship with this.
Maybe I could find disabled women who would be willing, but staying with someone forced by circumstances is much worse than even loneliness.
I know there's more to sex, I have hands, I have a tongue... still don't know how could I tell this to someone. Anyone, really.
You know, people do dumb things, sometimes really crazy shit with themselves and still come out OK in the end. They realize they were stupid, change their ways, and become a better person with a good life. I'm talking about serious injuries because of recklessness, drug abuse, crime, self-harming, some men even literally break their penises and they heal just fine, I'm not joking. I made a small mistake and my life is ruined now, it's just not fair.
I mean, I'm sure some people would be like: 'well, sex and love are not everything, you can travel, read and study things you're interested in, find hobbies like music, art, play sports etc.' and yes, these things are still available. People are living somehow with things like paralysis and other conditions that make them physically incapable of almost anything. Still, I just can't accept this.
I'd easily, happily trade a leg, an eye, an arm, any organ we have two of really, for this to go away.
Honestly, I would accept any response to this as reasonable.
I mean things like alcoholism, drug use, violence, just going insane, screaming on the streets at night, even ending it all, anything - I would say to that: 'Understandable sir. Have a nice day!'
Yes. I'm trying to have a nice day.