Mom is an addict and lives with me
Hi, I hope this is the right place to post this, but I'm very tired and I need help, and I need to get this off my chest.
My 59 year old pill-addicted mother had to move in with me last fall after my father passed away from cancer. My dad supported my mom financially their entire 40 year marriage, but he didn't have anything in savings, retirement, etc. He left her with a dilapidated house that we struggled to sell and barely got enough to pay off the remaining mortgage. My mom has been addicted to prescription pain killers and klonopin for as long as I can remember. We tried to arrange living arrangements with other family members when my dad passed since my mom doesn't have an income, and I even paid one of them monthly rent for about 2 months for her to stay there before things fell through. I was left with the difficult decision of letting her move in with me into my partner's house. She has now been here since November 2025. She has been doing a lot better for the most part, but we have had several instances with her ordering pills online and lying to me. I'm so sick of it, I don't know what to do. She just came home from visiting her cousin for a week, and she's obviously high on something. She has a tiny bit of money left over from the house that I managed to stretch out(I've been managing it for her) over the past several months, but she's down to $1000. She applied for disabled widow's benefits, but was denied. She currently is having a lawyer appeal her case. But until she gets some kind of income, she can't get her own place. She has no car, and can't even manage her own money. She had a hard life as a kid and my dad controlled all the finances, so she's really incompetent with managing a budget, especially with the lure of drugs. My partner is at his wits end and was kind enough to let her move into his house, especially as he is the guardian of his 16 year old brother on top of things. I need a way out of this though. I have an older brother who lives 3 hours away, who hasn't stepped in much at all to help care for my mom. He acted oblivious when I brought up her pill addiction after my dad passed. We also have a schizophrenic brother we have to worry about. I don't know what to do to get her out of my house. I can't let her be homeless. What options do I have? She denies her addiction and won't seek help for it. I've tried to get her to seek help my whole life and I'm not holding my breath for her to change her mind. It's now ruining the most important relationship in my life with the man I want to marry, and he's really stuck by my side through this, but I also see how it's draining to him. He already lost both his parents, one to alcohol, one to suicide. My mom's addiction is so bad, she stole the leftover morphine the day after my dad passed.
As an added stress, my boyfriend, his brother, and I are leaving for a 3 week trip in October that we have been planning for the past 3 years. Our plan was to let her watch the house and our cats, but now I'm worried it's a terrible idea to leave her in my house alone(initially, I thought we'd have things figured out by now). I don't want to cancel this trip, we've already paid for most of it, and I really need it after taking care of my dad on hospice(she was too drugged up to take care of her dying husband) and now taking my mom in.
I love my mom, but I have reached my breaking point. I want my life with my partner back. I don't want to be stressed on this trip. I have been waiting patiently for disability benefits to come through, but I don't know if they will. I know that was a lot to read, but I had to omit so much and still try to get my point across. I know many in this group are children of alcoholics, but I don't know of a group for children of narcotics addicts. Between my work schedule(full time graveyard shift), and taking care of my family, I don't even know how to make time to join a local group, but I'm willing to try.
I hope this was coherent, I'm losing sleep over this.