Husband suddenly thinks Thailand solves all his problems
My husband (43) is app having a midlife crisis, and I (36) don’t know how to cope. He has legitimate problems and grievances. COVID destroyed our business, and he’s struggled to gain regular income since. We live in a VHCOL area and are struggling to get by. He has severe health anxiety. I have my own anxieties. He had caregiver burnout from his aging parents then he chose to get married and have kids who require a lot of energy and care. He feels he has always sacrificed for everyone else and never got to do what he truly wanted.
When his income went to zero, his work buddies got him into stocks and he’s apparently in very volatile ones. He put our entire savings in and we are over drafting accounts and we often can’t buy groceries because there are ”holds on the account due to options.” His mood each day is entirely dependent on what his stock account is doing. It has gotten to the point I check his main stocks before I get out of bed so I know what kind of day I’m walking into.
These same work buddies have sold him on Thailand. They go for the girls and the parties, and I believe my husband when he says he’s not interested in that kind of stuff. But he does feel he “deserves to be treated like a king.” He wants to be pampered. Beach side massages, etc.
I said this was okay for a week or two vacation, but he is hard selling me on moving our whole family there. He thinks our savings (if taken out of stocks) would get us a luxury lifestyle, nannies to help with the kids, lower cost of living, etc. For numerous reasons, I have zero interest in doing this. But he is a “10/10” on this and is resentful that his mom missing time with the grandkids and me not wanting it either is “stopping him” from finding peace and happiness in his life.
I am starting to really struggle with this. Ive tried to “play along“ and watch Thai expat videos with him and give some consideration to him. But I am not okay with the pressure to do this and now he’s saying I can either take the kids and go with him for at least a year to “try it,” or go live with his mom and sisters so I can try to manage the kids with some help.
Meanwhile, I have a recently received a huge honor through my work and am being specially recognized, and he won’t come to the event to support me because “what if the stocks crash that day and it’s miserable?” So I’m not feeling appreciated either at this point.
What…what do I do? I don’t want to lose my marriage and family over this.