r/midlifecrisis

I’m a 35-year-old single woman, and lately I’ve been wondering… is this just what life is supposed to feel like?

I’m not struggling financially in the sense that I can afford food, rent, and a decent life. My job isn’t terrible. I don’t love it, and it does create some stress, but it’s relatively easy, stable, and objectively probably considered a “good” job.

I live in a big city, so life is convenient. Anything is accessible. Restaurants, shopping, gyms, events, whatever. But rent is expensive, my apartment is small, the natural light isn’t great, and sometimes I just wonder… what am I actually paying for?

As I’ve gotten older, my friendships have naturally become fewer. I do enjoy being alone, and I’m comfortable with solitude, but sometimes I think: am I just paying a huge amount of money to live alone in a stressful city for no real reason?
Even the city lifestyle that used to feel exciting now just feels like… consumption. Spending money to distract myself. Cafes, shopping, eating out, repeating.

And sometimes I get this sudden feeling of emptiness, like:
What am I doing? What is all this for? Is this really how I want to spend my life?
The frustrating part is I don’t even know what I should change.
What I do know is that I want a life where my nervous system feels calm. Lately I’ve started feeling like just existing in a big city quietly drains me in ways I don’t even notice until I leave.
Does anyone else feel this way?
If you’ve gone through something similar, what changed for you? Did you move? Change jobs? Build community? Change your mindset?
I’d genuinely love to know how other people are actually living.

I’m 27F and the last two years have been honestly brutal and I don’t really know how to explain it without sounding dramatic but it’s just been a lot.

I lost a friend group after leaving a community my ex was part of. And once I left, I realized it wasn’t really what I thought it was. Nobody really checked in, nobody really cared, it just kind of dissolved and I was left with nothing.

My relationship around the same time was… not good. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t secure, it was me constantly anxious and him giving me the bare minimum. No effort, no emotional safety, no real care. And I stayed way too long because I kept thinking I could somehow fix it or that it would turn into what I wanted if I just tried harder. It didn’t. And now I constantly think he is doing better than me, but he was such an avoidant partner it ruined me.

Now I’ve deleted social media, I’m trying to focus on myself, and I’ll be starting a job again after moving back home and leaving the country for a bit. But I feel really isolated. My friends are either in long-term relationships or far away, and I’m just kind of here by myself a lot of the time.

I know I’m supposed to say I “learned a lot” and I guess I have, about my attachment style, about not centering my life around someone else, about how people can disappoint you in ways you don’t expect.

But honestly right now it just feels like I lost everything at once and I don’t really know how people rebuild from this stage without feeling like it’s going to stay like this forever.

How do you actually trust that it gets better when you’re in it?

I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, and I feel completely stuck between two lives that both scare me in different ways.

Part of me wants to go back home because every time I'm there, I relax. I'm less stressed. I can breathe again. If my son is sick, I'm not panicking trying to figure everything out alone. There are adults around me, noise, life, support, and I know my son would probably love growing up surrounded by family like that, the way I did.

But at the same time, being there also overwhelms me. Everyone has opinions. Everyone tells you how to raise your child, what you should do better, what he should already know at his age, how other kids are doing compared to him. People are constantly on top of you, criticizing. And after a while, I start feeling trapped again, like I did when I was younger.

That’s the part nobody understands. I loved my childhood there, but once I became a teenager, I felt suffocated. I felt trapped, and all I wanted was to leave and go as far away as possible. I left thinking it would be for one year, and somehow that turned into 15 years.

Now my whole adult life and identity is tied to the fact that English became part of who I am. Living independently became part of who I am. And I’m scared that if I go back permanently, I’ll slowly lose myself and feel emotionally trapped all over again for the next 15 years.

But staying here in New Zealand scares me too because I’m alone.

His dad is here physically, but not really in a way that changes the mental load of raising a child. He talks to him every day, sees him a few evenings a week for a couple hours, spends a full day with him when he can, and my son loves him. But long term, his dad doesn’t even see himself staying here forever. Eventually, he’d probably move back to England or somewhere else. So realistically, I’ll still end up alone here.

And honestly, I’m already exhausted, and my son is only three and a half.

I keep thinking every public holiday, every school holiday, every summer holiday… it stresses me out. I keep thinking, how do people survive this without family? After-school programs, camps, holiday care… I know it’s normal for a lot of families, but because I didn’t grow up like that, it feels wrong to me somehow.

I grew up always having someone around. Family looked after each other naturally. So now I feel guilty imagining my son being sent to camps or programs simply because I have no support around me.

And I keep asking myself: would he actually be happier growing up surrounded by family, even if I feel trapped there? Or would he be happier here, where maybe he has more freedom long term, but less family and a mother who is constantly stressed and overwhelmed?

That’s what scares me the most. I don’t know which decision ruins my life more, and I don’t know which one ruins his life more.

Because if I stay here, I’m scared I’ll burn out emotionally from doing everything alone.

And if I go back, I’m scared I’ll slowly disappear as a person and become deeply unhappy again and feel trapped.

I don't really know what's going on with me but over the last five years or so I've struggled with these weird waves of sadness that seem to come on for no reason. I'm 42 M and kids are growing up. I guess I attribute the sadness to this period of life fading, but it's so strong sometimes I wonder if my thyroid is out of whack or what. I did have levels tested and nothing came up out of the ordinary.

Honestly it feels like I'll just never be happy or excited about anything again. It's such a weird time idk. Just wondering if this is going to be my new normal, how long this lasts, etc. It sucks

May 18, 2026. In bed after a long shift just thinking about life… the expectations I had for myself vs where I actually am right now, and how different life feels compared to what I expected growing up. It feels weird sometimes not really knowing exactly where I’m going, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot tonight.

What should i do what path should i take? this life is so difficult sometimes

Last year I made more money than I ever have — $168k in remote sales. I also dreaded the work every single day. So I quit in February. I knew it wasn't sustainable mentally, and I have enough saved to give myself some runway to figure out my next move.

The first month off was genuinely amazing. Gym, hobbies, breathing. Then the shame, grief, and guilt hit hard.

Now I'm stuck in this exhausting loop — some days I wake up excited about the future, other days I can barely get out of bed. I have a background in sales and copywriting, both of which I was good at, but I don't know what I actually want. Every direction feels equally appealing and equally wrong. I get inspired by an idea, then talk myself out of it 24 hours later.

On top of the career stuff: I'm 37 and single. I had an incredible social life and dating life in my 20s and early 30s, but I never settled down when I could have. Now I feel like time is slipping and I'm going to wake up at 47 alone with no family and even fewer options.

I keep leaning on my mom and friends for reassurance, and I can feel them getting tired of it. I know no one's coming to save me. I know I have to figure this out myself. But I genuinely don't know how to right now.

I just feel so helpless.

I'm not looking for someone to make my decisions for me — I know that's not possible. I'm just looking for some honest, outside perspective. Candid is welcome. I could use a reality check.

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TL;DR: Left a $168k sales job because I was miserable, been unemployed since February, financially okay for now but emotionally spiraling. 37, never settled down, don't know what career direction to take, and I'm exhausted from the constant self-doubt and mood swings. Looking for candid perspective from strangers because the people in my life are probably tired of hearing it.

I am lost. I’m turning 35 next month and I feel like I don’t know where I belong anymore.

I left my home country at 20 and have spent the last 15 years living in different English-speaking countries. English isn’t even my first language, yet somehow it became the language of my adult life, my identity, my comfort zone.

I actually had a good childhood. I grew up surrounded by siblings, cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents. There was always something happening — birthdays, family gatherings, Christmases, summer holidays at the beach house. Our summers were amazing. We spent our days in the water, surrounded by people, noise, laughter, family. I know how lucky I was to grow up like that.

But at the same time, I came from a very small country where life felt limited, and by the time I turned 20, all I wanted was to leave and get as far away as possible. I started travelling, originally for one year, then extended for another. After two years abroad I went back home and immediately felt out of place, so I moved to another country. That was supposed to be temporary too, but then I moved again. Somehow temporary turned into 15 years away.

Now I’m a solo mum to a 3.5-year-old little boy. It’s just me and him. No family around, no village, no support system. His dad lives two minutes away but is busy with work and sees him about once a week.

I lost my job during Covid, got pregnant shortly after, and haven’t worked since. For the past few months I’ve been trying to find a part-time job but keep getting rejected. I expected it to be hard, but I didn’t realise how much it would affect my confidence and sense of self.

Since my son was born, I’ve gone back to my home country twice so my family could spend time with him. He’s the only grandchild and they absolutely adore him.

But going home is complicated.

After being away for so long, I feel like a stranger there now. Everything looks the same, but I’m not the same person anymore. I have a difficult relationship with my mum, and every time I stay at her house I suddenly feel like a teenager again — getting criticised for sleeping in, not making the bed, not doing enough.

What they don’t understand is that for me, going home is supposed to be a chance to breathe. To rest. To recharge after years of carrying motherhood completely alone.

And that’s the contradiction I can’t stop thinking about.

I know my son would probably have a beautiful childhood there. He would be surrounded by grandparents, cousins, aunties, uncles, kids everywhere, summer at the beach, family lunches, birthday parties, noise, life. The kind of childhood I had myself.

But at the same time, I also remember why I left.

My family can be loving, but also overwhelming. Everyone has opinions. Everyone tells you what they think you should do. Sometimes it feels suffocating. I worry that if I move back, eventually my son might feel the same way I did growing up — wanting space, freedom, distance.

Yet staying here feels lonely too.

I don’t feel at home anymore. I feel isolated. My son loves his dad and loves spending time with him, but his dad is busy and realistically can’t give him more time than he already does. So sometimes I sit there thinking… what am I staying for exactly? An extra day or two together each week?

Then summer comes here and I feel almost depressed. Meanwhile I picture the life he could have back home — spending entire summers at the beach with grandparents and cousins, always surrounded by people and activity — while here it’s often just me and him trying to figure out how to fill the days. Even when I spend time with friends, it still doesn’t feel the same.

I love my son more than anything, but I hate how stressed, angry, exhausted and alone motherhood has made me feel. I don’t think I hate motherhood itself. I think I hate doing it without support.

I do have a partner, technically. We’ve been together over a year, but we don’t live together, rarely spend nights together, barely have intimacy, and only see each other a couple times a week. It feels more like companionship than a real relationship.

Christmas makes me sad now. Every year feels lonely and empty while everyone else is surrounded by family traditions and chaos and warmth. Meanwhile I’m here, far away from everyone, wondering what exactly I’m holding onto.

My son starts school at the end of next year and I can feel the pressure building already. School holidays. Summer breaks. Sick days. Childcare. Work. How do solo parents survive this without support?

Part of me wants to go home for Christmas and never come back.

But that thought terrifies me too.

Because I know if I return home permanently, it will feel like admitting failure. Like going backwards. Like becoming trapped in a life I outgrew 15 years ago.

At the same time, I look at my son and wonder if I’m failing him by keeping him so isolated.

I feel torn between two lives and fully belong to neither.

One life gives me independence but loneliness.
The other offers support but feels like losing myself.

I don’t know what I want anymore. I just know I want peace. I want stability. I want my son to have a happy childhood. And I want to become a calmer, happier mother instead of someone who is constantly overwhelmed, angry, stressed and emotionally drained.

I feel stuck between guilt and fear, between freedom and belonging, between the life I built and the life I miss.

And honestly, I’m really lost.

Or should I pray for cancer to take me?

Im going threw a mid life crisis, I think. Just got dumped after 8 years. I Can't see my daughter. I only have less than a year left to spend with my son before I gotta move out. I work a shitty part time security job. Im 34 turning 35 in June. I pay child support. I have my license and a car atleast. But Where does one even go from here but to the nearest bridge lol.?

I spend 30 years watching men build. Good men. Smart men. Men who knew exactly what they want. They hit the number. They retire. They travel. They golf. And then something happen. Not crisis. Not depression. Something more quiet. Like the engine is still running but the car is not going anywhere. I call it coasting. You are moving. Everything look fine from outside. But you — you know something is missing. You just don't have words for it yet. The men I know who struggle after FIRE — they don't struggle with money. They struggle with identity. With purpose. With the specific feeling of being very competent and having nothing important to do with that competence. We are not prepared for this. Nobody prepare us. I came from Eastern Europe. In my culture men don't talk about this. You work, you provide, you don't complain. This is the rule. But I see too many men coasting through the second half of their life. Alive but not living. What actually helped you? After you won the game — what was the next game?

I'm 41 and I feel I have everything that a normal person in this world should wish : health, family, correct job in a country in peace. Still, I don"t feel joy like I use to feel when I was young, optimistic and full of energy for new challenges. Hobbies and going to restaurant are nice but still I dont feel that spark for life anymore. I look at TV show with people starting afresh somewhere to launch their business, i feel incredible but then I think that TV show dont tell 3 years after if they can earn money with their new start in that very far away country. feel like i'm wasting my best years before problems and health issue but dont know what to do .

Any advice ?

Thanks !!

I’ve already had cancer so I do fit in here**. I’m moving to the most expensive city in the US. San Diego. Is this a midlife crisis? I’ve never been married. I don’t think the drunks in WI are for me. I’ve lived here my whole life (with the exception of some months long solo international travel). I am so tired of looking at fish and gross scraggly facial hair. I want to surf! I want sun!

Oh and I work remote

M46 here who has no choice but to eat healthy. I eat veg everyday and would never go back to a poor diet. Problem is, I just cannot stop farting. Like several times every hour. Do you just fart more as you get older? Or is there a non-pharmaceutical method of stopping the farts?

No, this not a piss take.

I have an excellent business and good money. In my country, I probably belong to top 0.10% at the least and going to 0.01% in terms of wealth (yeah im in Asia so wealth disparity is extreme).

But look, I'm dreading about reaching 40 very soon. And I feel this dread every time I remember my age.

I'm the richest in my cohort (among those self-made and excepting those from generational wealth) but I still feel depressed about aging.

I don’t want to make this super long, I just could really use some insight because I feel helpless.

• I’m (22F), and my mom is 55. My dad is 54 and they’ve been separated for 8 years and divorced for 6. I have 5 other siblings, 3 being half siblings but we all grew up together in the same houses after my parents got together and had me, my brother (20) and my youngest sister (14). My older 3 siblings moved out to live with their other parents around 18-20. 
• The divorce was messy. It torture throughout middle/high school especially since me and my siblings felt like we had to choose a side and it created discord some years. My parents sold their current house and got separate houses Around the time when high school ended for me it got slightly better since that's when I could drive and I got to have a better relationship with all of my siblings. The divorce also created financial problems since lawyers are expensive and my parents were combative and they didn’t want to “lose” when there’s no winner in divorce. 
• Skipping to the present day. I’m currently living at my dads house, working and attending university. My 20yr old brother is in the military and my youngest sister also lives with me and she’s about to enter high school. My mom has her own house/building together where she runs her business but wants to look for something else. However my mom has hit a stage in her life where she doesn’t feel herself anymore. She doesn’t want to get older, she has the BIGGEST victim mindset, she guilt trips all of the kids about us not spending time with her often but every time we do it turns into the same vent session about “her life is in ruins, my dad screwed her over, you should be doing this with your life” MUCH more etc. It’s mentally straining to be around her when she’s like this and hanging out with her feels more and more like pacifying her and not having a good time. She’s also dating someone younger than her and it seems to be very “on again off again.” It feels like she wants to be the sun, and she wants us to be the planets that circle her 24/7. She doesn’t seem to grasp that we all have our own lives too, and that it’ll never be the same as it was.
• My emotions are conflicting. Some days I’m angry with her and it’s pushed me to the point of screaming, crying and triggering me. And some days I feel awful for her, thinking how lonely she must be and how she just wants her kids around. I don’t plan to be around after I finish school, possibly taking a job out of my home state. I feel bad for my youngest sister too because she’d be left all alone in this and I often see her upset and crying too from the overbearing emotions of my mom. (Her and my mom had a rough patch for about 2 yrs where they weren’t speaking, and for the past year they’ve rekindled their relationship.) I feel responsible in some way for all of this, yet I feel targeted by my mom specifically since I’m not constantly by her side doing whatever. All of us not talking to her has led her occasionally to play the victim card, saying she’s going to move away, go to the hospital or make it feel like we need to drop everything to tend to her. I love my mom with all of my heart, this post isn’t about how much I dislike her.

TLTR: My divorced mom’s emotions are hard to navigate as I get older and it’s stressing me and my siblings out. I feel bad like there’s a pit in my stomach, but I also feel exhausted and sometimes sad/angry. I don’t know how to set boundaries with her since it’s failed everytime.

Hi all. This question is directed to mothers/parents. I am posting this question on this subreddit because I think my wife is going through a ML crisis (or as my therapist suggests perimenopause). My wife and I are the same age and I am towards the tail end of my crisis. We have never been separated and have teenage children.

My therapist brought up in one of our sessions that I've deprived my wife the experience of being a mother. I still am not sure what I did to "rob" my wife of that experience. In one of our recent arguments, my wife said that "I cant imagine what society expects of mothers".

My question for those who have gone through or are going through a midlife crisis: Is this an issue that comes up (and is especially hard) during a midlife crisis? In your opinion, what constitutes the full motherhood experience?

I am purposefully not stating what roles/tasks I take on in the household because I am looking for unbiased answers.

I am part of a few midlife crisis support groups on Facebook and I see a lot people referring to their MLC spouse and/or partner as avoidant.

I have 200k from a house buy out and 80k from a 401k. Total 280k. I am 50 years old. I work as a warehouse manager making 70k per year. I am currently renting a small apartment in Valparaiso.

I have no idea what to do with this money. I feel like I should buy a small condo but interest rates are high. Or maybe I should invest the money and keep renting.

A guy at work told me to talk to Harvest Wealth Partners. He used them after a similar situation a few years ago. I met with them last week. They did not pressure me. They just asked about my goals and explained the tax side of buying versus renting.

Anyone else been through this? Did you buy or rent? And how do you trust yourself with a lump sum after a big financial change?