r/midlifecrisis

Being in your 40s is a strange experience. Everyone your age seems to be living in completely different timelines.

Some people are still single and may never marry. Others are up at 3 a.m. changing diapers. Some are dating people in their mid-20s, while others are celebrating 20 years of marriage.

Half of them look like they’re still in their late 20s, while the other half look like life has seriously tested them. Some could pass for 30, others for 60, every version of adulthood is on full display in your early 40s.

And then there’s you… just trying to become one of those mysteriously healthy older people who seem to have life quietly figured out.

Any advice on how to literally start my life at 46 .How am i suppose to get a job ?or find love?or even a life?.iwas paralyzed but worked hard to overcome .now im walking and doing great but realizing all the hard work in the world isnt goijng to give me a job.NO ONE wants to hire a 46 female with absolutly absolutely no experience.So how am i suppoose to live? I feel like ive lost every part of myself .I really am agreat woman but thats as far aa it goes i mean who wants a great woman with nothing else to offer.i dont have a job .done e erything to find one but no one even glances at my resume..been tucked away at home for ao long .ive lost the ability to communicate with the outside world (which did not stop just xause little ol me was paralyzed).So what im asking is .Whats the point ?

Have had a hell of a month. Moved house without planning to. Closed my business. Walked away from my sports community after 13 years which I spent nearly every day involved in without recognition. And put an end to a social network I had initially formed.

Now it's just me and my dog.

I had thought about suicide but decided to burn what I had to the ground first instead. Every morning I have felt nauseous but then the day gets lighter and I feel freer. All this freed up time is still very hard to calibrate to but I am leaning into it because I understand my nervous system is learning to settle.

I've signed up to different short-term classes and activities and groups outside of my normal interests with the knowledge that I have nothing to lose and have noticed something I didn't anticipate. I'm feeling excited for the first time in a long time and have zero fear.

So I guess I did die in a way.

A big and quite shocking realisation with my initial downward spiralling was how many people in my life, who I thought were friends, did not care less about me at all. Initially it cut like a knife but then I realised how glad I was to make the decision to walk away. It honestly still amazes me how oblivious I was this whole time but it has taught me a lot.

I could choose to harden my heart and be broken by them but I've realised I now have an immense amount of space in my heart and mind free to give to things and people I wouldn't have had time for in the past.

Who knows what the future holds.

Maybe I'll fail miserably.

Maybe I'll have the most amazing years of my life.

All I know is that I now know who truly cares for me, and that I am alot stronger and courageous than I thought I was.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel alive and free.

On a scale of 1-10 how much would you say this life sucks?

Born into a race of people that everyone collectively hates today

That race is also very patriarchal sexist and racist themselves and even sociopathic

You were openly resented for being born a female and for being fat / ugly from your own father

Your father was verbally and physically abusive and maybe even sexually abused your sibling (it hasn’t been confirmed)

Your whole life you were basically told that you were stupid fat and ugly by society and your own father. your father is literally narcissistic and openly ashamed of you. He resents the fact that you’re not a boy and when you’re 12 years old and starting to go through puberty, he dresses you as a boy and treats you like a tomboy.

You only got along with your mother because you were her protector and you and your mother were getting the brunt of the physical and verbal abuse

Your sister was the golden child. You were her whipping boy.

Your childhood was constantly chaotic, filled with violence and no stability moving from state to state. It was very lonely. As a result, you also developed maladaptive daydreaming to cope, which also destroyed your life because you spent your whole life fantasizing.

You only go to school for five years because as a girl you’re not allowed to have that much of an education.

At 12 years old, you basically developed PCOS , it messes with your hormones and your weight, and you end up growing a lot of facial hair as a woman, and it messes with your insecurity. You also eventually learn that you cannot have children because of it. And it’s impossible to lose weight unless you literally starve yourself.

Your mother, finally divorces, your father, when she marries someone that’s even worse, who is also physically and verbally, abusive and addicted to drugs and alcohol. He would leave drugs, beer, cans, and pornography around the house and his two daughters being your stepsister’s were absolutely insane and wild kids. And another older third stepsister vowed to beat you simply because she didn’t like you.

To basically survive you become a kleptomaniac, but it’s not just about stealing food anymore. You do it because it’s compulsive and you end up stealing other things. You also become a compulsive liar.

You go to high school because CPS is making you go to school, and you’re way behind and you feel like a giant fat freak, and your grades are failing.

At 16, you can’t handle your life anymore with your blended family and you can’t take the stress of sleeping on a couch and you have no friends in your severely depressed to the point where you’re going emotionally numb having severe digestive issues and you attempt to commit s**uicide at 16 . And nobody has any idea.

Your mother end up going back back-and-forth in this terrible new marriage with your stepfather and you literally don’t know if she’s going to survive because he might actually kill her. You sleep with a knife under your pillow in case you have to defend her or yourself.

Throughout the years you lose and gain weight, but gradually you get fatter and fatter.

Because you have daddy issues you end up becoming promiscuous you never have a healthy love life or sex life, and you go looking for love and attention for years and validation through random hookups. And when you do feel like you fall in, love you end up getting your heart broken because nobody loves you back. Everything you do is a secret and you just feel like a whore.

In 2017 you end up losing the one cousin that you’re very close to because he is m**urdered at g**unpoint.

In 2018 you end up meeting someone from your culture/background and marrying them (typically people from your culture get married young and it’s usually arranged marriage, but nobody wanted me) so by the time I was in my 30s, I married someone of my own choice. But he turned out to be a compulsive, liar, narcissistic he was verbally and physically abusive to other partners he never stop speaking to a girl that he was going out with the whole time, he lied about his age. He may have killed someone and he did do time in prison temporarily for a different reason. He was addicted to heroin and Percocets. And he turned out to be a pedophile. You finally decide to leave him. You only knew him for seven months.

Every time you try maintaining your independence and having your own house, something happens and you have to leave and then you live back with your mother again, going back into a deep depression. and as a result of that, you have to give up one of your pet cats.

You’re ashamed for getting married so old and for finding someone who was the bottom of the barrel. You go into a deep d***epression for six months and gain a bunch of weight.

You currently weigh 440 pounds

You end up falling and injuring yourself and now you cannot walk and stand for long periods of time. You’re basically disabled since 2022.

Through out the years , 3 out of your four grandparents die either from Covid or natural causes.

Your sister has been married to an absolute psychopath who is sexually perverted, verbally and physically abusive and who is connected even when he goes to jail. He gets right out 20 minutes later and he threatens your family. no matter what state he’s in he is psychotic and untouchable. Even though your sister finally decides to leave him he still makes everyone’s life a living hell from a distance because he’s demonic and has money and time on his hands.

Your sister is severely depressed and developed a drinking problem because she does not have custody of her children. And her husband keeps showing everyone revenge porn online of your sister.

Your mother is broke and doesn’t have any savings.

You and your sister have minimal savings and can’t exactly help her out either.

In January of 2026 you end up losing one of your online jobs that you need because you are disabled and you also learn within the same week that your pet cat and your grandmother both have cancer.

In the meantime of all of this, you’re dealing with an illness thinking that it’s bronchitis or the flu, but it ended up being a severe tooth infection that could have killed you according to the dentist the infection could’ve spread.

You have no insurance either for your cat or for yourself. Now medical bills are mounting.

Your grandmother dies on the day that you pull your infected tooth out and you can’t go to Pay pay your last respect anyway. Now your last grandmother has died.

You ask your own father for help to pay some of the medical expenses and you tell him that you could’ve died and he doesn’t seem to care. You tell him that your cat is very sick and you’re basically probably going to have to put her to sleep and he just tells you to get another cat in so many clunky words.

Your father denies you help because he has to get help for his children that are autistic. He is in his 60s and he had a genius idea of having two children through surrogacy back in 2020. He confesses out of his own mouth that he had these two children because me and my sister are not around and he needs someone to take care of him when he gets older. He names one of the boys after the name that he was supposed to give you because he thought you were going to be born a boy. So he kept that name in his mind for decades because he resented you for being female.

2 months later your cat also passes away because the cancer has spread to her lungs despite getting surgery that was supposed to at least extend her life a little more. She gets sick literally right after her 9th birthday.

You only have one friend and even then sometimes you get emotionally exhausted, talking to him because he just wants advice all the time. And you’re completely burnt out listening to him talk about his insane ex-girlfriend. Your job is literally to listen and give advice all day every day and you’re burnt out when it comes to listening to his stuff.

Your cats are the only thing that matters to you and they are your whole world then you had to watch one suffer with cancer and eventually pass away and it was so traumatizing and it hit you with such a wave of guilt that you now have heart/chest pains even two months after they passed.

You have to do a job that you hate because you’re disabled and it’s a remote job and you have no education or skills but your job also makes you feel spiritually convicted and you don’t wanna go to hell because of your job.

You’re literally exhausted in every fucking way possible on every level.

did I grind through my 20s and 30s to be sitting in my underwear chugging bears and playing civilization alone in my high-rise apartment on weekends!

I (40f) am single, straight, and have been out of a relationship for about 7 months. I have done online dating and I’m exhausted. I’ve gone out on countless first dates, sometimes a 2nd date. I found myself not feeling the chemistry, attraction or compatibility. Most of those men have shown interest, but I just wasn’t interested in going forward. I am generally transparent and usually let them know that I don’t see compatibility. I hate ghosting. I am also someone who prefers instant chemistry to continue dating but that’s a rarity. Anyway, as I’m getting older, the options for dwindling and I’m regretting being so picky. More recently, I’m also noticing that some of the men I’m going out with are not putting in the effort to go out again or are just not interested.

I went on a first date recently and I thought we hit it off. I had the “he’s the one” feeling and felt as though he was interested. He showed signs of interest on that date and immediately after, but after texting the days following, he never asked me out for a 2nd date, and I sensed that maybe he wasn’t ready to date or is just not interested in me. I really wish it was clearer and that he could just say he isn’t interested if that’s the case. The fact that I’m holding out so much hope is driving me crazy. I am feeling very pessimistic now and just don’t think it will go in a positive direction.

Now, I’m just wondering what’s next for my life. I really feel a lot of despair. I never imagined this would be my life today. I’ve never been married and had multiple unsuccessful relationships. I’ve usually been the one to call it off for various reasons (e.g. they cheated, they lied excessively, we were incompatible in terms of communication, etc.). The last one ended somewhat mutually, and that was devastating for me. The worst loss though was when I was in my late 20’s and the person I thought I would have spent the rest of my life with died suddenly and tragically. It took me many years to date again. I know I’ll never find that soulmate connection again, but I am okay with just finding someone who is a good fit. Now I’m feeling as though I turned down so many people and I’m left with nobody, or I’ll just have to settle or be alone for the rest of my life because less people are available and are interested in me. I’m really scared about spending the rest of my life without a partner.

He has already bought cars and had an affair and burned down the business. What else? What more do we have to endure before it's over? I'm so exhausted that I'm ready to give up and let him be. It hurts me to think that I'll be living life without him, but if he is content elsewhere then what more can I do? 10 years of marriage may seem like nothing to most but it's been 10 years of life that will never get back. Can anyone offer advice or experience?

Im 37, partner is 34 and together 7.5 years with a 6.5yr old son that truly lights up my life. Spent my 20s in the military where I met a girl, got married, and divorced all within 4.5 years including me being deployed for 18months..

My son is slightly autistic so my Mrs is his full time carer and is great with him. I wouldn't change it, he adores his mom and im doing everything I can to give them both whatever they wish for.

But in my deepest thoughts I continuously go back in my mind to the days with my ex wife. I hate myself for feeling this way, like im not where I should be and ive not been the best version of myself.

On the outside im happy and everyone is smiling, theres never a bad word said in our house. But im really struggling with thw pressure of being the only financial provider. I cant take time to stop and think too much about it or I feel the lump in my throat and tears build-up.

Please someone tell me its a phase with just being in my late 30s

I’m 38 and honestly feeling like I’ve hit a wall in life.
I’ve spent years building a business in the tourism industry and this year it’s taken a serious hit due to global economic instability. Between geopolitical issues and changing travel patterns, things just… collapsed in a way I didn’t fully see coming. I’ve had to make the difficult decision to move back in with my mom to stay afloat.
On top of that, I’ve been single for about four years now. I used to feel okay about it -I was focusing on my goals- but now it just feels like another area where I’ve fallen behind.
I look around and see people my age who seem settled, financially stable, in relationships, owning homes and I feel like I’m starting over from scratch.
So I guess my question is: how do you actually make a comeback after feeling like you’ve failed at this stage in life?
Not just practically (though advice is welcome), but mentally and emotionally. How do you rebuild confidence, direction, and hope when things don’t look the way you thought they would?
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar.

Thank you.

Just wondering as I am beginning to think I am content with my life, beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters who I love with all my heart and they all love me.

But I feel unsatisfied, I don't know why but I don't feel happy overall, I'm just okay and content

I’ve always been an ambitious person. Traveled a lot in my 20s and 30s, got the fancy corporate jobs in cities around the US, gained a lot of creative skills, met great people.

I knew a lot of this was because my boomer parents have had financial troubles (unpaid home from the 80s, no retirement, no long term care funds saved). And yes I’ve helped them financially through the years. I wanted to live a big life before my 40s/50s when I may have to consider their survival even more.

Well I just turned 40 and we’re starting to talk about their financial and legal affairs.

When I was 33 I burned out and started to work for myself. It went well for a while, then it got really hard. I had to pivot a LOT (offers + marketing strategies) to keep making money because industries keep changing and I knew I didn’t want to go back to stressful corporate work. Now I’m thousands in debt—first time ever.

I’m now worried about my own debt and my parents’ debt. They’re luckily healthy but I never know when that can change.

I have (another) great offer to sell but I just can’t seem to pick up the phone to sell it. I’m not passionate about it—it’s just yet another trend businesses need to keep up. Surviving business to not go back to corporate has also burned me out, and I think I’m so exhausted I don’t have it in me to try anymore. I feel like I’ve been trying to escape disaster since I left for college at 17, graduated during the 08 recession, and stumbled through stressful jobs for years. And now it seems the economy is sh** again and everyone is having a hard time finding or keeping their job.

Is anyone else just tired? Anyone older have advice on how to bounce back? I feel like I lost my spark even though I know I still have so much to offer in this world.

PS. Thanks reading if you did. I’ve been to therapy before for years. Can’t afford it now so here I am on Reddit. Haha ugh

Ladies, this one is specifically for you today…do enjoy.

My husband (43) is app having a midlife crisis, and I (36) don’t know how to cope. He has legitimate problems and grievances. COVID destroyed our business, and he’s struggled to gain regular income since. We live in a VHCOL area and are struggling to get by. He has severe health anxiety. I have my own anxieties. He had caregiver burnout from his aging parents then he chose to get married and have kids who require a lot of energy and care. He feels he has always sacrificed for everyone else and never got to do what he truly wanted.

When his income went to zero, his work buddies got him into stocks and he’s apparently in very volatile ones. He put our entire savings in and we are over drafting accounts and we often can’t buy groceries because there are ”holds on the account due to options.” His mood each day is entirely dependent on what his stock account is doing. It has gotten to the point I check his main stocks before I get out of bed so I know what kind of day I’m walking into.

These same work buddies have sold him on Thailand. They go for the girls and the parties, and I believe my husband when he says he’s not interested in that kind of stuff. But he does feel he “deserves to be treated like a king.” He wants to be pampered. Beach side massages, etc.

I said this was okay for a week or two vacation, but he is hard selling me on moving our whole family there. He thinks our savings (if taken out of stocks) would get us a luxury lifestyle, nannies to help with the kids, lower cost of living, etc. For numerous reasons, I have zero interest in doing this. But he is a “10/10” on this and is resentful that his mom missing time with the grandkids and me not wanting it either is “stopping him” from finding peace and happiness in his life.

I am starting to really struggle with this. Ive tried to “play along“ and watch Thai expat videos with him and give some consideration to him. But I am not okay with the pressure to do this and now he’s saying I can either take the kids and go with him for at least a year to “try it,” or go live with his mom and sisters so I can try to manage the kids with some help.

Meanwhile, I have a recently received a huge honor through my work and am being specially recognized, and he won’t come to the event to support me because “what if the stocks crash that day and it’s miserable?” So I’m not feeling appreciated either at this point.

What…what do I do? I don’t want to lose my marriage and family over this.

I’m a 40-year-old married man who has reached that stage in life where everything looks fine on the outside, yet something feels missing on the inside. Between work, responsibilities, and family, I’ve slowly realized I’ve forgotten how to talk about what I’m actually feeling.
I’m not looking to disrupt anyone’s life or judge anyone else’s choices. I’m simply hoping to connect with a married woman who understands the quiet loneliness that can come with midlife—the questions, the self-doubt, the changing relationships, and the search for meaning beyond everyday routines.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying thoughts you can’t easily share with the people closest to you, maybe we’ll understand each other. I’d value honest conversations, mutual respect, empathy, and a place where we can listen without pretending to have all the answers.
Sometimes a kind conversation with someone who truly understands can make all the difference.

I hate my birthday. I shouldn't be here to begin with, and year after year it's a reminder that I still am. I'm closer to 60 than 50 now, you'd think I'd have built up a giant vault of wisdom and survival tools and loving friends and family around me. But I'm still the empty wasteland of loneliness, rumination, and self-absorption I always was, now with added physical pain and ailments. Yes, I've tried therapy. Yes, I'm on an antidepressant. Yes, I tried HRT. Yes, I get exercise eat right don't drink don't smoke. I'm a ball of joy, I tell you. I'm not all bad. I'm sensitive, which leads me to care for orphaned animals with great success. I work online, so noone at work ever really sees the crazy in me. But others know, they pick up on it even if I try to pretend. No one likes a negative nelly, someone with no filters to add a nice pastel hue to the bullshit of the world. And I can't change. This is who I am. There's a predator in my brain, and I'm the prey. I can't escape it.

A very long post, but I just have to get this off my chest.

English is not my native language, so I want to apologize in advance for the strange sentences.

I need advice from real people who have gone through the same thing or are going through it now.

Since my wife is only 39 years old, I also don't know if this is a real midlife crisis, but the stories here sound all too familiar to me.

A brief outline of the situation:
This is my version of the facts, of course, but I'll try to tell them as objectively as possible.
There is no point in lying to strangers on the Internet.

We met 12 years ago. Everything clicked instantly. We never argued and we agreed on everything. We had a blast. 9 years ago we had our first child. We were also in complete agreement regarding the upbringing. Eventually, we had two more children. They are now 7 and 2.

I always gave her freedom. If she wanted to travel with friends, I took care of the children.
If she wanted more responsibility in her job and was home later, I was her biggest supporter.
She always said that she had found the best man in the world.

We hesitated for a long time about having the last child because we knew we would be back in diapers and that there wouldn't be much time for eachother. Nevertheless, we made it a point to go away for a weekend at least twice a year without the children, just like we did before.
Everytime, we came back even more in love.

In short, I think we had the perfect relationship, and I was convinced that we would make it.

Until last year. When our youngest was 10 months old, my father was told that he had lung cancer. Eventually, he passed away in mid-September. I needed time for myself.
Meanwhile, my wife started working out maniacally whereas in all the years we had been together, she had never shown any interest in sports.
She got a nose piercing and talked about getting big tattoos.
From one day to the next, she wanted to quit her job and go back to school. (I was even planning on using my inheritance to let her pursue those studies). Eventually she didn't quit her job. It just went away.
But then she became ice-cold towards me. I have to honestly admit that I let it happen. I was focused on myself. I was grieving the loss of my father.
I did the household chores and took care of the children, but besides that, I needed time for myself.

At the end of December, one of my best friends came to tell me that he was separating from his wife. They had been together for about as long as us.
When I told my wife, she started crying. Things weren't going well between us either.
She told me that she had started a countdown clock in complete silence just waiting to let it run out.

I had noticed the cold attitude, so it didn't come completely out of the blue. We still loved eachother, so we decided to go to relationship therapy.

The relationship therapy started well. Initially, it was about the fact that she felt neglected and unappreciated. I fully agreed. I should have given her more attention over the last two years.
Around the same time, I was got over my father and had my old energy back.
I planned dates, a weekend...
But she soon indicated that she wanted peace and be left alone.
She didn't believe me either when I told her thing had changed.
It was in my nature to neglect her, and she didn't want to change me.

The topics at the relationship therapist's soon changed. She felt that she had lost herself because of our relationship. I was holding her captive; I was micro-managing her,...

From there, things just went downhill. Everything became my fault, even the most absurd things.
To her, I am now a selfish person and a narcisist...

We decided to seperate because it was clear that every fiber in her body was screaming to be free. It was becoming too much for me as well. It was like talking to a wall.

We told the children, and they are currently handling it well (although the youngest doesn't quite realize it yet).
We are currently rotating the house week by week so the children can stay here while we see who buys the house and who moves out. For her, it isn't happening fast enough, and it's all my fault, even though I'm not holding anything back.

In the meantime, I am seeing a therapist, and she started seeing one last week.
I'm pretty sure she won't be honest to her therapist...

My therapist is convinced she is going through a massive personality crisis, but our friends all believe her and mainly just feel sorry that our relationship is ending.

Towards them and her parents, she is still perfectly her old self.
Is this normal, or am I just imagining things?
This hurts so much. How did you deal with this?
I know I shouldn't hope that things will work out, but are there couples for whom it did work out later? How long did it take?
Did your partner realize later that it wasn't all your fault? I guess I'm afraid that she will always remember me as a total monster. That she always will feel like she wasted 12 years of her life and will never be able to remember all the good times we had. This feels so unfair.

I am a 36M working in IT, lately I don't feel motivated, I have done most of the things people thought I could never do.. I don't have much savings at the same time no loans living pay check to paycheck.. I have a 4Y child, If someone looks from outside I am living a pretty comfortable life.. in fact I am but I don't feel motivated I always live in fear of losing my job and not able to move on to another job.. i feel lonely and the thing that hurts me more is I don't feel a purpose anymore... I don't see light anywhere and feel trapped in situations.. I want to be happy but don't know what makes me happy anymore.. I can't rest myself up because it's going to be the same again tomorrow.. I don't have any hopes that it gets better man, tired of pushing myself and getting disappointed... In that path where everything is dry and dark I am carrying myself and pushing my days to nowhere..

I hope my cautionary tale can help a younger woman frozen and stuck in an unfulfilling and abusive marriage.

Getting a LOT of therapy prior to marriage is so important. Our traumas can make a partner seem perfect, when actually what you are attracted to about them is that they somehow give you something you lacked growing up. My parents were cruel and abusive and pushed me away growing up. It left me feeling very unlovable.

I was never so happy than I was my husband I agreed to marry. And during my 1.5 year engagement my partner was affectionate and supportive of me. Never a mean bone in his body. FYI I had not met his (extended) family until right before we married, they lived far away till when we married. After I met them things shifted away from me and have never returned.

My husband (STBX) was/is charming, sweet and funny. Super bright. Everything I never had to stand by me in a very hard childhood. I could not believe my good fortune someone as kind and lovely as he was would marry me.

But then as life dished out challenges over time, post marriage, I realized things were very off. But I stayed. I was desperate to make our marriage work. I had a huge fear of abandonment. So I stayed and I tried to fix things on my own.

For instance he could never bring himself to stand up for me to his emotionally abusive family. They treated me like a punching bag in his face to show him they disapproved of his choice of wife (me) and they wanted me to see they still had emotional control over him knowing he was paralyzed in speaking back to them. After now 32 years he has never said “Boo,” to them.

I felt like I was unlovable and just kept trying to get him to turn a leaf and stand up for me.
I can’t even begin to describe the years of snark, insults, petty snubs and put downs I’ve stiff upper lipped in his family. They were even more overt in being mean than my misogynistic, closeted dad - who my mom worshiped and did whatever he said.

Now I just don’t care about WHY people would do this.

And I’ve stopped caring if STBX will finally man up and create a boundary with his f’d up family. Unfortunately I just no longer care. Which means I also don’t care about him either.

At this point I have ceased caring what those tarantulas think about me or anything and I’ve ceased caring if he will protect me from
harm. He won’t and never has. He’s a marshmallow person who seeks to keep the peace with everyone putting me in trouble’s way all the time. I now have zero true love for him. I duked it out all this time waiting for the day the kids will have flown and grown and his parents weren’t making so many demands that triangulated our marriage but in the end all it did was teach me nobody changes unless they really want to change and to honor your guts. As a trauma survivor I did not know all the many times things felt “wrong” was truly a RED FLAG till much much later. Now I’m 65 and had enough time and perspective to see how many years I’ve sold myself short.

All the insults and rejection and cruelty I experienced growing up made the in-law abuse feel familiar enough that it froze me from leaving. Maybe it was all my fault. It must be if two sets of parents loathed me.

and I just tried to explain to my husband with several different couples therapists over decades help us and explain to him that his non action and very destructive to me. Now? I’m just burnt out.

My bad. I chose to stay and that was my decision. It really took my turning 65 to finally see everything clearly.

The moral of my story is, if you think something is unfair and that say so but your spouse does nothing to change, GO! Don’t delay waiting and hoping he/she will change. Unless people beg for forgiveness and show you they go to therapy but actually ARE WANTING to do the work, unless they are actively doing what they say they want to do, then you are wasting your youth and time on a taker. A passive-aggressive taker. Move on. Save yourself. Find joy elsewhere.

I’m leaving finally. But I’m worn out.