u/Most-Buy-2763

It’s off label but my psychiatrist recommended it for alcohol use disorder.

It’s only been 2 weeks but I don’t have any desire to drink at all.

Like no inkling whatsoever.

Completely repulsed by the idea.

I had tried celebrate recovery, AA, and Naltroxene but none worked. In fact they made me drink more!

As far as white knuckling it goes, the longest I could go without booze was 2 weeks.

But something would always cause me to drink again.

But I think I’m finally done with this ugly chapter in my life.

It’s off label but my psychiatrist recommended it for alcohol use disorder.

It’s only been 2 weeks but I don’t have any desire to drink at all.

Like no inkling whatsoever.

Completely repulsed by the idea.

I had tried celebrate recovery, AA, and Naltroxene but none worked. In fact they made me drink more!

As far as white knuckling it goes, the longest I could go without booze was 2 weeks.

But something would always cause me to drink again.

But I think I’m finally done with this ugly chapter in my life.

i was talking to a buddy of mind who argues that penal substitution theory might have started with him.

i'm not sure how much more suffering this planet can endure. but i'm not holding my breath. still quite terrified of the second coming.

No one gets past revelation 20:15. The argument is that eternity means unto an age. But what about the false prophet and the anti christ? And what about the devil? Does he get reconciled too? Is apocatastasis a thing? Was Origen correct?

There’s no other way of interpreting the lake of fire. It was created for Satan and his angels. Seems terrifying. Yet I’m to believe that it merely indicates purification?

There is so much infernalism in both the old and new testaments. I’m not sure how anyone can overlook it.

Friday I turn 50.

I don’t have a career. I have no professional identity. I have 2 job interviews coming up but already I’m having SI.

I’ve had 3 failed spinal surgeries. I live with chronic pain. I can’t sit for more than 30 minutes without pain and discomfort.

I have very difficult marriage. Mainly bc of my BP but she is quite the piece of work too.

My religion has failed me. What once was beautiful and sacred is now toxic af.

My house is a mess. My wife is a hoarder. It looks like an Amazon warehouse fulfillment center.

I have 4 lovable dogs but they are not house broken. I must pick up after them constantly.

My work is toxic af. I’ve been stuck there for 8 years. Only a loser has to work for his wife. I’ve basically hijacked her career. I suffer imposter syndrome.

I do have a lovely daughter than I’m grateful for. She is the only thing keeping me around.

Were it not for her I’d sign up for euthanasia

PS forgot about food allergies. I’m allergic to everything but meat and fruit. Everything else makes me feel horrible.

Also been an alcoholic for 4 years. My psychiatrist just prescribed a GLP 1 for it. I hope it helps. I think loosing a ton of weight will also help with self esteem.

One last thing. I have zero hobbies. Absolutely nothing to look forward to after working my ass off each day.

Religion occupied all of my free time in the past. It’s still important but mid life has caused me to challenge everything I once believed. So that’s difficult.

Sorry for the rant. My 40s have not been kind. Really hoping that my 50s will be better.

i live and work with non hsps. they make me feel so small. i just applied to 2 new jobs. man i'm pretty good at getting to the interview part, telling them everything they want to hear. but the work itself? my memory is trash. i turn 50 on friday. i've been drinking for 4 years, which causes serious lapses in memory.

i need to get out of my wife's office. working with her is humiliating. but she does remind me that my brain needs to work anywhere i work. which is true.

my psychiatrist just prescribed me a glp 1 med for alcohol use disorder. i hope it helps. i could also lose 30lbs. that would be great. it would increase my confidence.

i also suffer chronic pain and can't afford a nerve oblation. so i'm painfully aware of all of my weaknesses.

i seem perpetually weak on all levels.

Is this a reasonable plea for CU? Why would God know the names of every family that has ever existed if their destiny was only perdition?

My conscience was in a very dark place. I’m pretty sure I would have suffered ECT. But that’s just me.

Then all of a sudden universalism becomes a lot more appealing

Or should I pray for cancer to take me?

I can see how evangelicals could become disillusioned with Protestantism. perhaps they are looking for more continuity. plus these ancient traditions have richer theologies than Protestantism.

near death experiences occur in every culture all over the globe. they all seem to be really positive.

i can't handle that much tv. sensory overload.

why do i want to sleep with any attractive woman i see?

k so in my teens it might have made sense to be horny all the time. for the purpose of procreation. but why at my age? there is no way that i could ever take care of a baby at this age?

Not other religions. Even most Christians (1 Cor 3).

When I was younger I thought that I could make a difference and I genuinely tried.

But now that I am older I realized that most ppl r damaged by religion.

Most of us need to die in order to be reconciled to TRUTH.

i've been fasting for 3 years. most days i do 20 hours. if i stick with carnivore i can pull off a 24 hour fast.

however, i am bipolar 2, and an HSP, so my stress levels seem pretty high.

lately it seems i suffer a fair amount of disassociation. could it be from fasting?

But not anymore :(

anyone else able to listen?