Mother in law tries to ruin my wedding!!
This is a throw away account.
I really need you guys to let me know if I am overreacting! Also any advice, would be amazing! Cause I have no idea what to do.
Ok, so for some context : I (38) Female and my Husband (32) Male have only been married for 2 weeks now and we have been living in newlywed bliss! The wedding day was perfect and I married my best friend in the entire world and I couldn't be happier! Well sort of, let me get to that!
My Husband (lets call him Jack), is very close to his family. When I say close, I mean that he would do anything for his family, at anytime. Which is one of the reasons why I love him so dearly! But boundaries are a must in relationships with parents!
My family are not that close. My parents are divorced and since then, they kind of let me be my own person but they know that I would do anything for them within reason.
When I first met his family, they seemed very low key and closer then my family. It definitely took some getting use to have his family always wanting to be around. It wasn't until the first month of us dating that, I really started to see what kind of "closeness" meant to this family. His Mother (let call her Rory (56) Female) always invited herself to everything that involved her children. She would consistently invite herself on multiple dates with Jack and I. When I would start to interject, he would just say sure or she would start to cry, so that we felt so guilty and just let her come.
Knowing this, I trended very carefully! I always tried to only invite him to go on dates over the phone and to make him pick me up, so that she can't guilt me or him to come with us. This worked for a long time, until we decided to move in together.
A year into our relationship, we both decided to buy a home. 6 months of searching and we couldn't find anything that we really wanted. Until his Father (let call him Gru (60) Male) said that he would like to offer Jack's childhood home to us. I now see the reason why they offered but that's relevant for later. They offered to give us a discounted price and we both agreed and so we bought our home.
After we bought and moved into our home, My husband proposed to me! It seemed like life was going amazing! But I could tell that his Mom was super upset that Jack didn't ask her help , to pick out the ring or even tell her that he was thinking about asking me. I say this because when we told them we were engaged, the shock on her face said it all. She kept saying to Jack, that if she had known about it, she would have loved to given her ring to me and that my ring was beautiful but hers is special.
I wanted to add this little tidbit, after 2 years of planning. Jack's parents, kept telling us they wanted to help out with the wedding financially. But 2 days before everything was to be paid, they said they can't. This is a very common thing, for them. They did this to us to many times to count and always at the last minute, which forced us to scrimp to find the money to pay because it was too late to cancel. They promise us for a long time leading up to it and never offered to pay afterwards.
Ok, so now you guys have the back story. So lets get this party started!
So, I really need you guys to give me some advice. I want to know if I'm reading to much into this or is it going to be a real problem for the future!
There has been a lot of stuff that happened in the past but I will only give you what happened on the Wedding day.
Previously, I let all of my bridesmaids know that we had to meet at the venue at 8am. The night before Jack's Mother had offered to help drive some of us there with our dresses and stuff. Which was amazing but she was also dropping off her Daughter, who was in my Bridal Party. The original plan was, that she was just suppose to drop off the stuff and the Daughter, leave and go back to her house to pick up her Husband. Who didn't want to sit around and do nothing until ceremony. Completely Fair!
So we all arrived, unloaded all the cars and got things set up and ready! I thought his Mother was going to leave, so I went over to her to give her a hug and told her I would see her soon! She then says "oh, is it ok that I stay? I just wanted to hang out with you guys" (this is what she does to me, all the time.) being a people pleaser and not wanted to upset Jack's Mom. I said......sure.......
I figured she would just sit there and just talk, but I was honestly to busy to pay any attention to her. But it wasn't until... she started telling one of my bridesmaids what to do.
I was sitting in the chair, getting my makeup done, when I hear one of my bridesmaids asking about the line up for going down the aisle. She unfortunately had to miss the rehearsal, due to her work. Next thing I know, Rory speaks up and says " you need to follow "Bridesmaid", then line up on the right side of the arch. Daughter should be standing beside her brother".
Are f***ing kidding me! I almost jumped out the chair to interject but the makeup artist told me not to move or she would poke me in eye! What she said was completely wrong! Daughter was to go first, so that she is last in the line up and they are to line up on the left side. Not the right! Luckily, I have the best MOH ever! She spoke up and told Rory that plans had changed and she should ask someone before she says something, so that it doesn't stress me out! After that, I tried to calm down and not let anything else stress me out. But Rory kept at it!
It was time for the girls to put on their dresses and one of the girls was having an issue. Rory jumped off her chair, like a frog jumping into water. She started telling everyone what do to about their dresses. How they need to tack things and how to use safety pins, etc. All the girls (other then Daughter) looked at me annoyed. I was stuck! I couldn't tell her to stop or ask her to leave. Luckily, the Wedding coordinator came in and told her that it was time for her to go and get the Gru and she would see everyone at the ceremony. (God, I love that Women)
I was so luckily to be in the chair getting my hair fixed, so I couldn't give her a hug and just said I'll see you soon!
Everything from there went perfectly! My Husband was absolutely handsome and it went as smooth as possible.
After the ceremony, we wanted to get pictures done with the families. I had given the Photographer the list of what we both wanted beforehand! Following that list with my family, but when it came to his family. You guessed it, Rory had other ideas. She kept telling the Photographer, what people are to be what photos and how many shots, etc. Again, I was stuck. If I said something, it couldn't turn out bad and I didn't want that on my wedding day.
Once those photos were done, husband and I were suppose to get single shots of us done. In the middle of it, I see Rory walking down the path by herself and comes up and says " I want some shots, of us walking down the pathway together" I calmly told her that we were doing single shots right now and once we are done, we can come and get her. She gave me a stern look and just stood there until we were finished. Then happily grab both of our hands and walked down the pathway with us crying. I'm not sure if the photographer got shots or not but I'm hoping not. She then lead us to her side of the family (cousins, aunts and uncles) and demanded photos with them. Let me remind you guys again. They didn't pay for anything for this wedding. Also, those photos were not on the list, I gave to the photographer, who I paid for!
Feeling overwhelmed, I walked away from those shots and went to mingle with my side of the family and friends.
At dinner, everything seems perfect. Speeches started and it was going very smoothly. Until it was Rory and Gru turn. They went up and said they were proud of there son and " Good Luck". That's it.....Everyone kinda clapped but not really. It was more a like pity clap.
Unfortunately, Rory got to the DJ and started making demands to him. She asked that her Daughter go up and make a speech as well. Without us knowing. When the DJ called her name, I looked over at him and went what the hell!?. He later came to me and told me that it was her and I asked that he not take any more demands from anyone other then Jack and I.
Party started and it was a blast!!! We dance the whole night through! Well, until they told us to leave!!
As we were getting ready to leave, I had told my husband and his mother beforehand that I needed the whole backseat of the car, because my dress was soo big and I didn't want to wreck or cringle my dress. It was expensive! Well unfortunately, everyone else left and the only option for me to go home was to sit in the front seat of his Mother's car. Almost crying when I looked down at my dress, Rory speaks up and asks if she could take some cupcakes home, as she was having some family over the next day. We ended up with 4 boxes of cupcakes left at the end of the night. I told her it was fine, if she wanted to take 1 box home. I told her that I promised the other boxes to my Mother. She said thank you and it was silent all the way home.
When we got to the house, we find out that Gru (who had driving Jack's brand new car home) hit a raccoon on the way there. All he said was " Sorry" and got into Rory's car. Jack was pissed and kept looking at his car to see the damage. Luckily there was no damage. I went into the house and really had pee! Let me tell you, that was an adventure! But I didn't see everyone unload the cars. After they left, I went into kitchen and I see only 1 box of cupcakes. I asked Jack where the other boxes were. He said he didn't know. I then called his mother from his phone and asked where the other boxes were. She stated she thought I said she could have them. I said " No, I said you could have 1 box. My Mom gets the other boxes" She then tells me she would drop them off tomorrow. I phoned my Mom the next day and my Mom told me that Rory only gave her 1 box. I told Jack what she did and he called his Mother. She said that the family ate all the cupcakes and she only had 1 box left and that she didn't realize it until it was too late.
I couldn't believe it!
So, now reading all this. I have a question for all of you. When the pictures come in, do you think I am over reacting to say that I don't want to give them to her unless she pays for them?
I don't mind giving her the 2 photos of family but the others that she demanded..... not so much!
Only because of the demanding everything and not paying for anything!!!
Please let me know!