De-escalating / transforming an LTR into something else
My partner of 10+ years and I are at a crossroads - after living together in my home country for years, they have concluded that they wish to return to their country of origin, as they can no longer see themselves staying in mine and being happy long term. And I don't blame them - things can be difficult here, and having lived abroad myself, I totally get this wish to return to the familiar. However, I do not want to move, as I enjoy the life I've built here. And therefore we have basically concluded that there is no other option but to break up, even if we did not wish to do so.
While we'd love to continue our relationship, it seems impossible to think how one could build a proper, rooted life where one is, while simultaneously maintaining a committed, deep relationship thousands of kilometers away, with no prospect of either one of us ever wanting to live in the other country again.
As we're poly and as such no strangers to non-traditional relationships, I've been trying to think whether there could be a way to de-escalate and/or transform our relationship in some kind of a way that would allow us to remain partners, to a degree at least, if not quite in such a deeply committed and entangled manner as up to now.
I'm not sure whether this would be possible, but I'd love to hear people's experiences - also should they be of the "yeah we tried it 🆘️ and trust me, it won't work" variety.
I'm not too optimistic about this myself and do my best to not hang all my hopes on some naive idea, especially since my partner has another partner in the country they are returning to, and I presume they might quite naturally end up escalating their relationship when proximity allows for more time spent together.
(My partner has said this is not a case of them choosing a life with their other partner over a life with me, and I have no reason to doubt them, but of course my hurt little heart has all kinds of feelings related to this aspect of the situation.)
And so...
Have you ever managed to de-escalate an enmeshed LTR into a different kind of a partnership, one that would still be romantic though otherwise different than before? Or have you transformed a long relationship into a deep friendship that is truly fulfilling, even if you had to go through pain to get there? And how on earth to handle that pain without starting to resent the person who is,in the end, causing it?
All thoughts, ideas and experiences welcome!