u/MutedSentence8021

I’m looking for some honest advice or perspective.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. He has a 12 year-old daughter, and we’ve always had a really good relationship. Up until recently, he and his ex had 50/50 custody, which worked well for us. We had regular time together alone, and a good balance between couple time and time with his daughter which I also enjoy.

About a month ago, things changed and he now has full custody.

Since then, I’ve found myself struggling more than I expected. When I go over, it’s pretty much always with his daughter there, and a lot of the time I’m helping with homework or just fitting into their routine. We don’t really have the same one-on-one time anymore (even just relaxing or cuddling), and I’m starting to feel a bit disconnected.

I feel really guilty feeling this way because I do like his daughter, we have a great relationship and I want to be supportive. But if I’m being honest, I never wanted kids of my own, and I’m realizing that full-time parenting energy is different than what I thought I was signing up for when it was 50/50.

I’m trying to figure out what’s reasonable here. Is it normal to feel this way after a change like this? How do people in similar situations maintain their relationship and not lose that “couple” connection? Is it fair for me to want/need regular alone time with him? And how do I bring this up without it sounding like I have an issue with his daughter?

I care about them both a lot and don’t want to walk away, but I also don’t want to ignore how I’m feeling and end up resentful.

Any advice or similar experiences would really help.

(Throwaway account for anonymity reasons)

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