Feeling disconnected from lesbian identity because of gender dysphoria
This is mostly about gender, and I’m honestly really confused right now. I’m 20, AFAB, and I’ve identified as a lesbian for years because I’ve always known I was attracted to women and never to men.
For context, I socially transitioned when I was around 14 and lived as "male" for a while. Later, because of changes in my life and environment (homophobic and transphobic), I decided to detransition and started presenting femininely again. Even before transitioning, I already knew I liked girls. I’ve known since I was around 8.
After detransitioning, I started calling myself a lesbian again. At first it didn’t feel completely right, but over time I developed a really strong connection to the identity. Being a lesbian used to make me feel proud and understood. I don't know anymore.
But over the past months, I’ve started feeling really dysphoric again, and it’s been getting progressively worse. Lately I feel like I barely relate to the experiences of a lot of lesbians I know or the discussions happening in lesbian spaces I’m part of. It’s strange because, externally, I have lived many of the same experiences other lesbians have, including in relationships with women. Also, some of those relationships have even ended because my emotional state around all of this became overwhelming.
The problem is that it sometimes feels like my internal experience doesn’t match the external one. Like I’m moving through lesbian experiences, but emotionally or psychologically I’m relating to them differently than I “should.” I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it reflects how confused I feel internally right now.
I guess I’m posting this because I want advice or perspectives from people who may have experienced something similar. Thank you and have a good day/night.