AITB for guilt tripping my aunt
My (22F) Aunt (40s F) offered to treat me to dinner two days ago. during dinner she recounted a memory of one of my birthdays, and called me a brat for how i acted on that day. her tone was friendly and she was laughing, but i still gave her the context of that day.
that was my 10th birthday, i asked my mom to do two things, buy a pie and don't buy a cake. when i walked into the dining room there was a huge sheet cake and no pie, so i was definitely disappointed. i didn't throw a tantrum or cry, i just flatly asked my mom why she did that, she looked embarrassed and said she thought i might want a cake. after that i smiled politely while thanking my grandma and aunt for their cards, and went back downstairs to my room to watch jacksepticeye videos.
once i told her this she was pretty surprised that i got the opposite of what i wanted, but said her kids would've laughed about it and stayed outside of their room until everyone went home. she blamed my bad reaction on the fact that my parents never hit me like she hit her kids, which she always had a problem with.
after that i laughed and changed the subject because it felt awkward. i insisted on paying for my own meal when dinner was over because it felt weird having her pay after like 45 minutes of uncomfortable conversation. i tried to be pleasant and laugh with her jokes the whole time, but i'm pretty socially anxious so it wasn't as smooth as it could've been.
now, two days later, my mom just called me and she was so upset because her sister called her to tell her she's a bad parent. my aunt told her i was holding a grudge over my 10th birthday, and i was trying to guilt trip her by paying for myself and acting uncomfortable during the dinner. my mom was embarrassed because her sister has been critiquing her as a mother since she first got pregnant. she said even on that birthday after i left the room, my aunt and her husband were talking shit about me in front of her.
i apologized to my mom for causing trouble with her sister. now i feel bad for my mom, she's always felt insecure and compared herself to her sister.
if i could redo the dinner i would just laugh at her calling me a brat, let her pay, and act more talkative and lively. she seemed confused when i wanted to pay, but i didn't know she felt guilt tripped.
regardless i would still feel awkward, but at least it wouldn't have prompted her to call my mom. i'm not surprised she said all of that to my mom, so i think i should've been more mindful of that. i'm way more introverted and unexpressive than my family, and i already knew my aunt saw that as a failure of my mother's parenting.
anyways what do you think? sorry if this was too long.