Drunk dream
Had one of those dreams that is apparently very common for people in early sobriety, but in the midst of waking up I thought of the time I was working at a factory third shift during Covid and of how wasted I used to get by myself every morning. I lost 20 pounds in a month drinking alcohol in the morning and energy drinks throughout the night, not much else. I worked with awful men and got sexually harassed a lot, even followed home once. In the midst of the chaos, alcohol was the only thing that felt good and safe at that time. It was my only friend at that period of my life I’d almost forgotten about. I had those flashes of memories after waking up and even though it was one of the worst times and my nervous system is still dealing with it, I missed it so much and just felt like, is this something that I HAVE to do forever? It was such a shameful, overwhelming and fear inducing thought. I’ve been doing well and my subconscious threw a wrench at me. That fear followed me throughout the day. I went to two meetings and reached out to people, so that is a win. But it’s crazy that Im a month and a half in and feel worse than I did my first couple of weeks. My head feels unstable but I’m hoping tomorrow will be better.