If there is anybody out there, who can see this right now, please help me
I know the drill and I have gone through this thousands upon thousands of times. But this time feels different I say that every time too. But this one really does.
I just was getting in bed to lay down and suddenly I can’t breathe. Feels like I forgot how to breathe. Hard to get a deep breath. A little bit of chest pain. My muscles are so tense right now. I really really do not want to call 911. I think I might have to, though. If anyone is awake, can you someone please help talk me through this right now?
The reason I don’t wanna call 911 is because of the number of times I have already called 911 over the last several months. There is a specific reason also that I don’t want to call 911. But I’m going to save that for another post. Nothing has ever been found to be wrong with me. Which should be reassuring, but it is not because all that that tells me is that I was not having a heart attack at that precise moment in time. That doesn’t help me for all the other times. Or this time.
For some context, I went to the emergency room in early March of this year, and at that point had a whole battery of test done. Whenever I call an ambulance, I usually just get the EKG done in the back of the ambulance. It was back in March when I did the chest x-ray and the bloodwork and some other tests. Everything looked completely normal. I am a 36-year-old female with no history of heart disease nor does my family have history of heart disease. I have debilitating anxiety on multiple fronts and have been dealing with panic disorder for about 12 years or so. The panic attacks come and go and I’ll get a whole lot of them in a short amount of time followed by absolutely none for amount of time and it just varies. I am unaware, at least consciously, of any obvious trigger for the attacks. The trigger for my panic attacks typically are an elevated heart rate or something that draws my attention to my heart. I don’t necessarily have to have been exercising either. It could be something random. It could’ve been the cup of coffee I had six hours prior. I just don’t know. Yet on other days, I can drink 6 cups of coffee and NOT have a panic attack. Whatever it is, though, it is mostly a random and intense onset that seemingly comes out of the blue. I pretty much just avoid anything that will elevate my heart rate. It’s so fucking annoying.
Typing all of this out and getting it off my chest definitely is helping me a little bit. Sometimes talking about it helps. But if there’s anyone out there right now, I could really use some support right now. Anything at all. Even if you don’t have advice or any solution, just hearing that I’m not alone makes me feel better. I hope this goes away soon.