u/Mysterious_Equal_329

Our 22mo GSD (64lbs, intact with spay scheduled for this summer) has been on three rounds of antibiotics for a small but stubborn wound on the hind paw. She was in a cone for weeks as advised by vet. The wound was recently cultured (staph pseudointermedius) and the most recent antibiotic worked (ish), but next step may be exploratory surgery to figure out why it won’t heal. Checking for foreign body and I imagine maybe biopsy too?

Entire saga has been around 3 months at this point, and the cone was on for the past month. So — I think she developed an ear infection secondary to cone and reduced air flow to the ear plus lots of antibiotics.

She is going back to the vet in one week for consult with possible procedure/exploratory surgery the following day (pencilled in).

We told the vet about the ear infection. Vet prescribed a genta/mometasone/antifungal ointment to use until we see him in a week.

So that’s all well and good and I’m hoping things are on their way to being resolved after a tiring and frustrating three months. But she’s doing A LOT of fly catching. We did mention this to the vet who seemed unfazed. It definitely seems to be due to the ear infection but I want to make sure we are okay to wait until next week to get her seen. They could not see us sooner. Again, we just started the ointment so hoping that helps. Her antibiotics courses in chronological order: clavamox, TMS, and cefpodoxime (just finished a few days ago).

She is gazing at the ceiling nearly constantly and gently leaping and snapping every couple minutes. She HAS thankfully been able to sleep/nap.

Ear infection symptoms have been erythema, gunk, floppy ear, head tilt (better now than 2 days ago), and stinky. Came on fast.

Advice appreciated. We are mid-Atlantic USA.

I can't believe we finally did it.

My husband attended an 8 day IOP for developmental trauma, betrayal trauma (mine), enmeshment, depression, etc. It was extremely expensive (money out of savings, half gets reimbursed) and stressful, but it was also life-changing. Major breakthroughs -- it was 9 hours of therapy a day! Individual and group.

He came home much less defended, recognizes the narcissistic patterns he inherited from his parents despite not having a personality disorder himself, and is finally able to admit how badly his parents failed him... it was an incredible program. His Ken Adams-trained therapist was the one who referred him. The progress he made there was substantial enough that I felt ready to try couples therapy with him again (previously his defensiveness and flooding meant his feelings were always centered in session, which was re-traumatizing for me). I found us another Ken Adams therapist (this one is a "preferred provider") who thankfully made it very clear in the first two sessions that we needed to go into an indefinite (not necessarily permanent, but indefinite) period of NC for our marriage to heal. My husband is sad, guilty, grieving, feels like he is betraying his family -- but this is alongside an incredible new awareness/understanding of the fact that he has to choose the marriage, kick his parents out of his "inner circle," and replace them with me, his wife. He does love me, so he is actually doing it.

I don't think this would ever work with a man who didn't show a lot of signs of having an intact self underneath the enmeshment. My husband is very compromised by his abusive upbringing, but I could always see "the real him" in there. He needed to mature emotionally -- his parents failed to raise him. So it took us 20 years and so much loss and pain for me, but I (shockingly) can now say that I really genuinely think we are going to make it and have a good marriage for the second half of our lives.

I do not think this would have been possibly without the IOP. I could never have helped him reach the insights he reached during the program, and I don't think weekly therapy would have gotten him there either. If anyone wants the name of the specific program, you can message me/chat with me and I will share it. It cost 10k (I know). Genuinely money we don't have. But I can say it was worth the scary hit to our savings. My husband said that it saved his life. He said he didn't know his life needed saving, but he can now say that it did not just change his life, but saved it. Previously he had been stuck in a year-long depression that was getting deeper and deeper since I started setting more boundaries and distancing myself from his parents more. It was a hellish year and he was feeling worse and worse by the week, not better. So he really entered the program at a severe low point. It was terrifying for both of us, and a real leap of faith.

My husband was willing to go and admit his brokenness -- I am not sure this could work on a person who was unwilling to admit how badly they were failing in life. Even with that admission, he was still so defended, and some of the therapists at this program were quite confrontational. He said it was a week of being called out left and right. He said he had no idea he was such a bullshitter.

Anyway... I hope this helps someone. I hope it helps you to assess wither you think a program life this could help your spouse.

I was emotionally abused by my MIL and FIL for 20 years. It was hell and I am severely traumatized by it but with just 3 days of no contact and my husband clearly and strongly holding the line, I feel deep changes happening in me and in the marriage. You have to cut the abusers off. For 20 years I was gaslit, the abuse was denied, and I was further harmed by oblivious therapists who don't understand betrayal trauma or enmeshment. Now I have my own therapist, my husband's therapist, the couples therapist, and the team at the IOP who have all affirmed that yes, I was abused, and yes, I need to be protected, and yes, I am literally traumatized by my MIL.

I can also say that for the first time, I feel like my marriage is private, a sanctuary belonging only to my husband and me. I realize now that I had been living in a fishbowl under MIL's surveillance... basically a panopticon, as horrific as that is. She had access to so much. Constant photos, updates, group texts, transparent/open-hearted sharing (my efforts)... it was making me ill. Now we are alone the way a husband and wife should be.

I could keep rambling but I will stop here. Again, I really hope this helps someone. I'll update again eventually. I am so sorry for all of us who have suffered this. It really is hell. For some couples, it can heal, but if you are just starting out, save yourself and leave, because it's more likely it won't be salvageable. I think my case is probably the exception rather than the rule.