Not sure how to get over this??
Welp, hello all! I (24f) caught my (27m) fiancé cheating. I had never gone through his phone so I felt absolutely gross to do so, but his phone said it was going to delete something in storage in half an hour. He’s not one to delete anything, so I thought that was odd. We’ve always had each other’s passwords- just bc there was never anything on our phones we’d needed to hide. But I noticed one week it was like he wouldn’t leave it anywhere, wouldn’t sleep without it under him, never had his ringer on, had to leave when replying to “people”. Etc. So the night it said it only had half an hour before it was going to fully delete whatever was in storage, my heart dropped immediately. I opened it with shaky hands. Went through the recently deleted and found a conversation of him and his best friends mother who ALSO happens to be my (unfortunately- he sucks, for many reasons) stepbrothers mom. It was vulgar and left a pit in my stomach and heart. I left it on his screen and took a screenshot on my phone so he couldn’t just delete it and tell me I was crazy (previous relationship trauma) and to my surprise he woke me up just to cry and tell me he was sorry and he was stupid and blah blah blah fast forward to a day later i am sitting on the couch and we are talking or trying to. He tells me ask anything- when I ask how many times he says ONLY 3. We’ve been together awhile since then and I just can’t seem to shake this feeling away. I don’t know what to do or how to tell him I’m not coping well. He already gets upset when it’s brought up at all bc he doesn’t want anyone to know & doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. “It feels like it’s being held over his head, he already feels like a bad person and bad father.” (Because mind you at this time I had just had my son 7 months ago and had to go back to work because he no longer could ((got herniations in his back discs.)) ) Now I’m the only one working and I work crazy long hours and am always just thinking, what if it’s happening right now? What if I’m just so blind I don’t care? My son deserves to have a happy family, I deserve to not have to think about this every day and he deserves to live his life if our relationship or even me and his son aren’t what he wants. What do I do? Do we get counseling? He offered it when I first found out about everything but everytime therapy is brought up he says it’s dumb and doesn’t work and he doesn’t want to just sit and talk to people who “will judge him and his choices”.