u/Myxcomycetes

Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I’ve been spending the last few years debating top surgery. I really really enjoy how my chest feels in bed/ sexually, I think my chest is really pretty, and yet
the moment I put on a shirt I’m in mental hell.

I spend most of my time shirtless when I’m home or even around close friends (feels good) and I don’t wear binders (sensory hell).

The instant I put on clothing I can’t stand what I’m looking at, or how I physically feel in my body. I spend hours every day switching my clothes before I go out because I cannot go outside if I have “too much shape” showing through clothes. Yet I love the feeling of my chest being touched, it’s completely pleasurable in every way, and being shirtless even with my current chest.

I feel completely stuck. I feel like having top surgery and not having top surgery are two worlds with their own pros and cons, I feel like it’s the devil I know vs the devil I don’t know. I can’t stand the pain of hours of meticulously balancing what I wear versus the pain of having a chest with altered sensation, scars, and grafts.

I look at the road ahead , as someone who’s had the painful and traumatic procedure of double jaw surgery, and I see another trauma to my body. I see grief and I see missing a chest without scars, grafts. I see another sensory hell of altered nerves for life (even with nerve reeinervation which I would opt for).
I see a life where I’m painfully dysphoric in all my clothing and enjoying my chest sexually or grieving my prior chest and never worrying again about what I wear.

I’m in a place where the answer to what I want is a naturally flat chest, and that is something I cannot have.

What has anyone done or thought to overcome this?? How do you help yourself and move forward when you’re at a crossroads? What do you do/ think when having dysphoria is not enough to move you forward?

If you gain/ lose weight after top surgery???

Basically I’m wondering if there’s the chance I could get surgery, then my body changes a lot as the years go by (weight gain/ shape change/ generally getting older) and my chest changes in unnatural ways due to having had top surgery- then needing a revision.

I was thinking this bc of how one might keep or remove fat in the area during top surgery. Is it done in a way so that your body naturally accommodates changing shapes as you get older???

Does anyone have examples of how their chest has looked post top surgery with a body that has changed a lot due to weight gain and or loss????

I don’t see this talked about much and it’s a concern.

Thank you 💜🫂

Hi y’all- pre top surgery here-

Will weight gain as I get older affect my top surgery results??? Say like would I need a revision/ could it get wonky? Does anyone have pics of how their body changed post top surgery showing how a post op chest looks along with that ????

This is one of the things mentally blocking me from getting surgery. Thanks

Hello!

I would love to hear if anyone here connected with reiki practitioners and or massage therapists / PT’s before/ after / during their top surgery timeline :) I’m definitely going to be doing that and would love to hear of others experiences. Thank you 💜🙏🏼

Hi y’all! I am getting closer to realizing that top surgery is something I would really benefit from, though like many people, I’m struggling with the idea of having to get surgery to be flat instead of just snapping my fingers.

I really love an “all natural” look (not having any tattoos for example).

Im struggling with feeling like a chest with scars would not be the aesthetic I’d want (I don’t qualify for peri), and that it wouldn’t look “natural”, and that It wouldn’t feel like my body bc of it “not looking natural”. At the same time I am so so sick of wearing clothes and having boobs lol. They are not big but they still make a huge difference mentally. I’m tired of feeling movement there, I’m tired of all of it.

For anyone who relates, what did you tell yourself to cope with fear of top surgery not looking natural / the aesthetic in general / scarring / etc ?? Esp if youre someone who loves an organic aesthetic.

Thank you 🫶

Hi y’all- I’m on a low dose (levels around 400).

I’ve noticed that my sex drive is pretty similar to pre-t, possibly even slightly lower. Is it just because my levels are low…????? I’m planning on upping it (on 1 pump of gel moving to 1.5 pumps soon , of 20.25mg) to see generally how it affects mood + drive.

TBH I also feel more “subdued” then pre-t can’t tell if this bc of an absence of mood swings from pre-t estrogen dominant body or if it’s depression (I don’t struggle w depression necessarily so it’s hard to tell if when I experience it). The lack of mood swings has been amazing for what it’s worth.

Would love to hear feedback- thanks!

How bad are the emotional/physical troughs on shots?

My levels on gel are good and I’m getting lots of changes even on low dose, but I’d like to switch to shots for convenience. My biggest concern is the “dips” people talk about. I have friends who also feel a bit weak the day before their next shot. Is it bad????

Hi y’all~

Assuming someone absorbs gel as well as they do shots- do they have a higher chance of hair loss (due to higher DHT in gel) on gel?

Thank u!