He has a wife…
I don't even know where to start to be honest. Just found this out by accident yesterday. We planned to meet today.
So to start off, I'm in my early 20s seeing a guy in his late 30s for the past 5 months (im Local, he's European). We text every single day, see each other multiple times a week, and it never felt like just sex. Yes we have sex everytime we meet but we also do normal things... go for coffee, cinema, sit and talk for hours...
He was always consistent too, checking in daily, apologizing if he disappeared or replied late. It felt emotionally involved, not casual.
The complicated part was always that we’re both gay in the Middle East and he has a very high-level diplomatic job. He was extremely private and compartmentalized from the start. He never told me what his real job was, only vaguely said he worked in “business,” and I later found out the truth myself. He still doesn't know that I found this out. We only talked on Instagram (his alt account) I never even got his local number because he said it was “only for work” and instead gave me his European number.
There were already things that confused me:
-We never defined the relationship
-He sees other guys (apparently only seeing me now since a month)
-No label or clarity
-Extreme secrecy (which I get considering his job and where we are)
But despite all of that, I still genuinely believed I meant something to him. He told someone I know that he liked me the most out of anyone he’d met and that he had never talked to another guy as much as he talks to me. And I'm sure I get "priority" over other guys he has.
And then yesterday I found out he has a wife.
Now suddenly all the secrecy makes sense in the worst possible way. The compartmentalized life, hiding his identity, never integrating me into anything real, keeping communication limited to Instagram, avoiding labels, avoiding clarity all of it feels completely different now.
What’s messing with my head is that none of it felt fake. The consistency was real. The emotional connection felt real. Five months of daily communication and seeing each other multiple times a week doesn’t feel casual to me. But at the same time, finding out someone has an entire hidden marriage makes you question literally everything.
I haven’t confronted him yet because I genuinely don’t even know what to say. He doesn't know I found out. Still is texting me as normal and as affectionate as always.
What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't even know what to think. We planned to meet for today. Why are men like this.