Starting over
My kid graduated college this weekend and it was a wonderful celebration. My husband and I returned home feeling very proud. The next morning, I was woken up by an armed vehicle in front of my house with an officer pointing a rifle at me through my bedroom window and a scope on my chest. It turns out he is being accused of engaging in cyber crimes. My house was raided and searched. They did not arrest him - only seized electronics - but the police say he admitted to the crimes. I'm not looking for legal advice here - just support. I cannot stop crying.
We bought our dream house 2 years ago. I gave up my business and took a full time job again to be able to do it. I doubt we can sell it for what we paid in this market. He makes the majority of the money. The majority of the debt is in my name and I have a lower credit score because of it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to file bankruptcy. I have no family that I can stay with - just married friends that are also friends with him because we've been together for 33 years. I don't want to tell them what's going on until I have a better idea if he's going to be arrested, go to jail, etc. We live in a small town and everyone saw our place get raided (8+ police cars and an armored vehicle). Regardless of how any of this turns out, we're divorcing and I want to move away.
I'm overwhelmed and don't know what to do. I've tried making lists and timelines as I wait for a knock on the door to say they're arresting him (or not?). It's unclear how or when we will even know that. I looked at rental houses online yesterday (I have 2 dogs) and can't afford to pay rent on even a trailer park with my salary, but finding a new job right now seems unwise since I live in a very expensive area and commute 100 miles each way for my current job.
And how do I tell my child? Or when? Our friends?
My plan is to stay in our house as long as possible, even if he goes to jail. The mortgage is in his name so I could let it go into foreclosure if I can't sell it. I handle the finances, so I transferred all our joint savings to my business account in case his assets are seized (I don't really know if that's a possibility but I don't want to take chances). I'm switching to minimum payments on all credit cards and putting both our student loans into forbearance (hopefully). He's already moved to the guest room. I'm so heartbroken and feel like I have no one to support me. I'm starting my life over in my 50s and I've done it before but I didn't think I'd have to do it again unless he died.
I've lost my marriage, my family, and soon my house, maybe my dogs. I'm losing everything I've worked so hard for. I feel shattered but also like I need to act. But with no clarity, I can't do much. So I just sit and cry.