u/NanayShuvs

I’m 33F now.

Back when I was 18 years old, my mom had this addiction with chatting with foreign men online. She would use photos of our young house helpers and she would convince them to video chat with these men so they can get foreign husbands with a justification of marrying themselves out of poverty. My mom is the one chatting because she can speak fluent english (the helpers know little english). Foreign men would often appear at our house being accommodated by my mother as the nervous house helpers sit by and try to speak a little english. (I really don’t know why these men don’t figure out that they are being catfished). Most of the time it’s my mom who chats them and not the helpers. My dad is oblivious to this. All he knows is it is for the helpers.

I was a teenager and had my own problems at school so I ignored them most of the time.

Until one day…

One weekend I was in my bedroom (2nd flr) doomscrolling when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and saw a foreign man and my mom standing beside him with the most cheshire cat grin (I can never forget that grin).

It appears my mom stole photos from my social media (we’re mutuals) and posted them to a dating site and had been chatting with this foreigner for over a year. It gotten to the point that this foreign man flew over seas alone just to meet me. God knows I never seen or spoke to this man in my entire life.

It was mom.

Mom knew I had a boyfriend (same age) that time. She personally met him. How could she do this?

Inside my mind I panicked. I thought, if this foreign man finds out what mom did, he might hurt her then and there. So I lamely tried to went along with it with panic in my eyes. The man caught on. He figured out that we never spoke. But since he already flew there, he still wanted to meet me and invited me to a far away island in my country for a vacation. My mom eyes sparkled.

I was mortified. How could she be excited to have this stranger go with her daughter to a far away destination when growing up, she won’t even let me study in far away universities.

I felt pimped by my mother.

In the end, the man gave up on me and married a cousin. Mom arranged it too.

I confronted her a year later for using my photos online. She slapped me on the face hard and called me selfish. “They are just photos!” she shouted back.

Although, I did feel she regrets hitting me. But years later, I still receive hate comments from foreigners I don’t even know. I think my mom still uses my photos.

I’m 33F.

For years my mom would joke around asking for a grandchild because according to her, they are not getting any younger and neither was I.

I thought for years that I had fertility issues. Until 2 months ago, me and my husband got a positive result. We were over the moon with happiness.

After making sure the baby is stable in my womb, I told my mom. I expected an explosive reaction because it’s their first grandchild and they nagged me for years for this.

After I told her, her first response was “you and your husband should get married the traditional and public way with a ceremony and reception.”

(For context: me and my husband already got married in a civil ceremony at the city hall involving around 10 people only. We loved our intimate stress free wedding.)

I asked mom, “what for?” and she answered, “so we can have my boss be a principal sponsor. He’s been asking me for a long time when will be your wedding.”

A part of me thought, she wanted something grand to post on social media.

I got so mortified and disappointed. There I was, telling her she will have her first grandchild and the first thing that comes out of her mouth is I should spend thousands over a wedding that we don’t want to please a person we don’t even know personally.

She did not congratulate us. She just said, “that’s good.” She did not ask how was my pregnancy. She did not ask how far along was I. Days later she even commented that I order a lot of take out food instead of cooking at home (because that’s the only thing I can stomach right now, she would know if she would just ask instead of giving unsolicited comments).

I’m really disappointed to the point that when this baby comes out, I want to limit and lessen the baby’s time with her. I had enough trauma from her as it is. I want to protect my baby from that experience as well. Is that bad?