u/NappingForever

Hi,

I recently applied for New Style ESA. I currently receive Carer's Allowance. The person from the job centre who was handling my claim assured me that they themselves would inform CA and my payments would stop, but ny entitlement as a carer would not.

Unfortunately when I received my back payment it was evident they hadn't deducted the Carer's Allowance I had already received. This means I currently have over 4 figures of money in my bank that I ultimately owe back to the DWP.

I immediately called ESA and they thanked me for notifying them of the error and said they would email the team responsible for payments to resolve it.

I also then filled in CA change of circumstances form online as I had lost faith in the assurance made.

This was over a week ago and yet I still received Carer's Allowance yesterday, despite this. So that is a further 3 figures of money I owe now. Fortunately Ive just moved it all into my savings account until I can repay it.

Who do I contact at this point? I really would like to get this resolved as soon as possible but so far my attempts have been futile.

Thanks in advance

Tl;dr: mother not happy I don't want to be exposed to 2nd / 3rd hand smoke due to health. Making me out to be a villain for having these boundaries. 

I live at home with my mum and brother. I am my brother's full time carer (he has treatment resistant schizophrenia), but I am also physically disabled myself, with connective tissue diseases, a heart condition, am severely immunocompromised (b cell depletion treatment) and suffer cluster headaches. 

Up until the past few years my mother and brother were both smoking inside the house, and it took me years of begging to get them to stop, only successful after my cardiologist wrote in a letter regarding how detrimental it was for me to be exposed to second hand smoke. My brother actually quit smoking altogether as a result.

My mum continues to smoke outside albeit reluctantly. But she voices her distaste for it constantly and makes me feel guilty for having this boundary. A big issue is that I have asked her to wear separate clothing when smoking so that 3rd hand smoke on her clothes doesn't enter the house. She wears a jacket outside to do this, and takes it off before returning, in the same way you would be advised to do so with a new born baby (or at least that is what she told me). However she constantly complains about this, especially in the heat or rain. Even doing this she smells strongly of smoke on her return and it often gives me physical symptoms as a reaction. 

Every time she goes for a cigarette it is met with “If I don't come back it's because I have collapsed from heat exhaustion wearing that dressing gown.” or “I am going to get soaked and catch pneumonia” or “I can't even smoke in my own house.” Or she mutters insults about me under her breath. I have suggested she take it as an opportunity to cut down on smoking. She has COPD and her GP keeps advising her to try to quit. However she always responds that it is the only joy in her life. 

When I calmly explain the impact it has on me, she has full on tantrums about how she is also sick but you don't see her dictating my life. I've asked how my actions impact her illness but she doesn't have an answer. 

One of the biggest triggers for cluster headaches is smoke. If you aren't aware, cluster headaches are severe and considered one of the most painful medical conditions. I have begged and pleaded for her to be more considerate because it is crippling to suffer from this and I otherwise manage triggers well.

I've been refused oxygen therapy because there is a smoker in the household. They don't want oxygen cylinders to pose a fire risk. 

I really appreciate the steps she has already taken (even if I had to literally beg). The problem is her attitude surrounding the situation both makes me feel guilty and as though I am not loved or cared for. It makes me constantly question if I am being reasonable or not. 

Anyone have any experience or suggestions on how to get a puppy to walk nicely alongside a wheelchair?

My almost 6 month chihuahua walks beautifully on his lead when I am on foot. However I have very limited mobility and need to use a wheelchair in order to walk him both both far/long enough and frequently enough to meet his needs.

At the moment he will walk nicely if I am in my chair but have someone walking with me on foot and they hold the lead. However when I am alone in my chair, he either climbs up my legs to sit on my lap, runs around the chair getting tangled, or gets dangerously close to the wheels.

The chair is electric so I only need one hand to operate it and can hold his lead in the other. I have also tried attaching the lead round my waist and directly on the chair. He acts the same with every method.

Any tips or tricks would be appreciated.

My 5 month old male chihuahua, Fig, has awful separation anxiety with me specifically. I live in a house with two other adults, and all of us work from home / are housebound due to disabilities. This means Fig will almost never be alone as someone is always at home. I am at home the most, but do leave for medical appointments on occasion.

The problem we are facing is that Fig can't cope when I leave the house. In fact he struggles even when I leave the room, despite being left with my brother and/or mother who he otherwise loves to spend time with. He will even sleep on them usually as long as I am in the room, so he definitely feels safe and comfortable with them day to day.

However, if I am out of the room, he will cry endlessly until I return. This happens whether I am gone 2 minutes to the toilet, or an hour to an appointment.

We've tried giving him high value treats/chews as a distraction, tried foraging toys and food puzzles, tried him in his crate. He just won't settle. My mum and brother just end up holding him and walking around to soothe him, which I've said probably reinforces his behaviour but without an alternative they are going to be hard to persuade otherwise.

Fig sleeps in my bed usually overnight and settles on the sofa for naps in the day. I've been working on crate training him for a month now and he will happily be inside there with the door closed but only if I am in the room. We are mainly using the crate as a safe space that he chooses to sit, rest and play in rather than sleep in. He goes in it voluntarily and always takes his treats there to stash or eat.

I don't know if the same separation anxiety training applies if it isn't because a dog is actually being left alone, but rather because they are away from “their person” specifically. I know chihuahuas are companion dogs and often can be “velcro dogs”.

It is becoming quite tiresome because I am struggling to do simple household errands without it becoming a big show of emotions. I would love to be able to work on this as I am barely able to have baths/showers at the moment, and I am due two rounds of 6 hour infusions in the coming months which I dread to think how Fig will cope for (mum and brother will be with him).

Thanks in advance.