u/NarclepticSloth

Update: wow! You all are amazing. I was honestly thinking I might get a message or two. Pretty sure I could plan things out for weeks if I had the time! Thank you all and if I didn’t answer you, apologies! I’m always up for friends, so message still if you want to chat. ☺️

I’m in Stockholm, by myself, for a few more days before I (unfortunately) have to return to the US. I’ve been here a few times, and so I’ve already done most of the “tourist” things.

Anyone interested in meeting up for fika or dinner, or anything? I obviously speak English, I can hold my own in Spanish, and my Swedish is coming along (not a lot of people to practice with at home 😬). I’m a woman in my 40’s but doesn’t matter to me age or gender. Bonus if you like true crime, or that sort of thing - meshes well with my job at home. We can bitch about the US government and/or I can try to answer questions about the US if you’ve never been there. Tack!

Edit: thanks for all the kind messages and offers to meet up for a chat. I wasn’t expecting more than maybe a few people and have had way more than that! Sorry if I missed replying to anyone! I’m always up for new friends and gives me a reason to come back. So message if you still want to chat. ☺️

I’m in Stockholm, by myself, for a few more days before I (unfortunately) have to return to the US. I’ve been here a few times, and so I’ve already done most of the “tourist” things.

Anyone interested in meeting up for fika or dinner, or anything? I obviously speak English, I can hold my own in Spanish, and my Swedish is coming along (not a lot of people to practice with at home 😬). I’m a woman in my 40’s but doesn’t matter to me age or gender. Bonus if you like true crime, or that sort of thing - meshes well with my job at home. We can bitch about the US government and/or I can try to answer questions about the US if you’ve never been there. Tack!

I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just put it all out there.

I feel I’m at the end. The end of everything. The end of the fight that’s been forced on me for decades.

6 years ago I had a fire and lost my job. It was the worst and best thing that could have happened. I grew a lot from those experiences. I’ve done some traveling, and figured out I’m AuDHD (which should have been obviously really) and started meds which have been amazing.
Fast forward to now and everything from the past is catching up with me and I’m not going to make it. I don’t see how. Thirty plus years of fighting just to survive in the US has already broken me down; but now it feels even worse. I’m tired. I’m so damn tired. And alone. I have no one.

For a few years things were going okay. Actually, I think it’s the happiest I had ever been. I was asked to work a very specific job at a hospital, one that not many people do. I also had another job where I made a decent amount and most of it was just based on my knowledge of the industry (more mental work than physical). I finally left the US and did some traveling, something I knew would be amazing and at the same time ruin everything. I don’t belong in the US, that place will eat you alive. I have wanted to move to Europe since I was a child, because even then I knew.

In the past 9 months everything has collapsed around me and the walls are closing in.
- both of my cats died, I had both since since kittens,
-one of my jobs closed suddenly taking half my income
-I was renting a small house and the owners decided to sell, so I had a month or so to figure out what to do

My job at the hospital is technically per diem so no PTO or insurance, none of that. I get paid well but with the current government and their quest to save the billionaires, it’s no where near enough anymore. And it’s been hinted at that my hours aren’t really guaranteed. May be that I can’t work as much in the future as they try to save money. It’s not for sure; but definitely a possibility.

I’m in Europe now, because I had to escape; but everything is going to shit. A friend who I was starting to feel closer to because we have a lot in common, cut me off suddenly. I’m sure it’s my fault, usually is. I feel like I’m putting pressure on another friend who is more like family than my actual family - and she’s right, things aren’t her problem; but I just want a change to breathe and try to figure things out.

I’m running out of money. My social media project is going no where so far (very niche, so feel should be doing better) and I’m out of time and options.
Going back to the US feels like an automatic death sentence. I have nothing there. And if I’m going to die, I’d rather it not be in America. No home, no (real) friends, no (real) job, no family who acknowledges me. I’m lonely as hell and so very alone.