u/Narrow_Librarian3693

He broke up with me 4 months ago and immediately went into another relationship. Is it possible that he will ever come back? Since the breakup, I have asked him twice for a personal meeting, he always refused. But I have never begged him to come back and I have not humiliated myself. But deep down I really wish he would come back, I love him very much.

What does it depend on whether he comes back?

Does it matter who broke up with whom? Whether I begged and insisted after the breakup or not? The length of nocontact?

My ex left me for his previous ex, they have been together for 3 months now, but he is still very active on an online dating site. What does that mean? I think he was there even when he was with me. Why is he in relationships where he needs to be on an online dating site?

My avoidant partner broke up with me because he said he didn't like uncertainty... yes, our relationship was uncertain, but as an avoidant partner, a relationship that was certain would be harder for him, right? It seems like he doesn't know what he wants...

So what do aviodants want?

When our relationship finally started to get serious (it lasted 4 months), he suddenly told me he was going to his ex. She wrote to him after a few years that she wanted to be with him.

They've been together for 3 months now, (until) yesterday he added her on a social network. I was hoping they'd broken up and he'd offered her friendship... but then I accidentally found her post that she was planning a summer vacation together.

It broke me completely.

Is she his phantom ex and I, and the one before me, were just a temporary dopamine boost?

It hurts so much. Three months ago he told me he loved me but was going to his ex. I couldn't believe it.

He offered me friendship. Disgusting...

But I had minimal contact with him, he didn't block me anywhere...

A few days ago it was his birthday, he was acting strange, he was very active on an online dating site. I was hoping they had broken up. Yesterday he added her as a friend on Facebook (after 3 months of dating), but they didn't change their "status" on Facebook to "in a relationship".

I was hoping again that they had broken up, that he had offered her friendship like he had offered me.

But this morning I found a request on Facebook from her, where she was looking for a vacation for two for the summer.

It completely destroyed me.

I had a secret love affair with an avoidant man, which later grew into a mutual love. I had a husband at the time, but the marriage was not happy. I considered leaving my husband and being with HIM, but I hesitated because of my daughter, I had no confirmation from my lover that he really loved me. He never said "I love you" to me - but I felt it.

Finally, I told him that I wanted to leave my husband - it doesn't matter if he wants me or not, but that I don't know how long the process would take. He didn't want to wait, and apparently his ex had just called him, so he decided to be with her. But he said that he had more feelings for me and would like to be with me more.

After two months, I asked him to meet and wanted to tell him that I had moved out of my husband. He refused the meeting, saying that he was in a new relationship and that he wanted to devote himself to him fully. So I wrote him a message (that I moved out, that I would like to be with him, but that I know it's not possible because he's in a relationship).

He read the message right away, but it took him a week to respond - he was very surprised, he wrote that it was a big shock for him and how is it possible, when it's always been a big problem for me (it was never a problem for me - it just didn't work "from one day to the next").

I just replied "well, yes, I moved out, I'm living with a friend for now..."

He hasn't heard from me since then (14 days) ... do you think he'll hear from me again?

Did he really mean that he'd already closed our relationship inside himself? Or is this such an emotionally difficult situation for him that he'll never be able to process this?

I was just a distraction for him and he never wanted it to be a serious relationship?

(he once told me that he fell in love with me, but didn't want to put his deepest feelings into it because he thought I would never leave my husband, and he didn't want it to hurt him)