My Best Friend Kept Calling Herself the Victim… Until I Finally Saw the Truth
So I (18F at the time, now 19) had a best friend we will call Clarissa (17F at the time, now 18). We met at church and instantly hit it off. We hung out all the time, and she was seriously the best friend I had always looked for. I loved spending time with her.
We were friends for about a year, and during that time she had been in and out of many relationships. Eventually, she admitted to me that she liked my brother. I know most people wouldn’t like the idea of their best friend and brother dating, but honestly I was so happy at the thought of her potentially becoming my sister-in-law, because we already did everything together.
I kept it a secret for a while, and eventually my brother expressed interest in her to me as well. She is about a year older than my brother for context. Once I put the pieces together, I basically played Cupid and told him she also liked him. Once he knew, he expressed his interest to her.
Now, Clarissa was a very messy person because of her family life, at least from what she always told me, and I felt horrible for her. She kept jumping between being serious about my brother and not being serious about him. He, on the other hand, was completely head over heels in love with her. She is extremely pretty, very nice, and very outgoing.
Eventually, she got more serious about him. The three of us started hanging out everywhere. He even started coming on our shopping trips and everything, and I was okay with it because it helped me grow closer to my brother.
And this is where things get interesting, and honestly confusing.
I went to lunch with her and another friend, and she said she had “tea” and seemed really excited. She told me she had been on Omegle and had canoodled on the phone with another guy, if you know what I mean.
I was in complete shock and didn’t really know how to react. The strange part was that she seemed happy about it.
I kept the peace and, for some reason, continued the friendship. Like I said, she was an amazing friend, but you did NOT want to get on her bad side. She absolutely loved drama. I hate drama and didn’t want any, so I didn’t say anything directly to her.
I called my boyfriend because I wasn’t sure what to do, and he told me I needed to tell my brother. So that’s exactly what I did.
As you can imagine, that ripped that relationship apart. The next day I got a very angry call from Clarissa saying I shouldn’t have told him and that I was a horrible friend. She eventually calmed down, and we continued being friends.
I stayed her friend because I genuinely saw the good in her and felt so bad for her and her family situation. For context, she is adopted, and her biological mother was allegedly very horrible to her and even stalking her, as she had told me.
But this is not where the story ends.
She continued in and out of relationships and eventually met a sweet guy we will call Bob. Her and Bob hit it off immediately. He was kind, made a lot of money, and overall seemed like a very good guy for her. I even tagged along sometimes, and it genuinely seemed like she had met her match after all the “bad” guys she had been with.
One night I came over and spent the night at her house. Earlier that day, I had some drama with my boyfriend, so I was crying and venting to her. I really needed someone, and she was there for me. Normally I was always the one there for her, so this was different for me.
Later that night, she said, “I need to tell you something, but I’m scared you won’t approve.”
I told her, “I will never judge you. You know that. What’s up?”
She hesitated and then said, “I’ve been cheating on Bob for a month with Joe.”
I was completely in disbelief. I really thought she had changed, but it all started to make sense. She was wearing a necklace with a “J” on it, and when I had asked her about it before, she said it was for Bob’s last name.
But this wasn’t even the worst part.
She continued, “He’s 24, he’s like a real man, he’s so sweet, I love him, and he’s divorcing his wife.”
All I could say, from shock and exhaustion, was, “You need to tell Bob.”
She kept saying she would, but she never did.
Eventually, I convinced her to at least break up with him, which she reluctantly did. Even after that, she stayed friends with him, and I knew her well enough to know she would probably try to get back with him.
The breakup itself honestly disturbed me. She fake cried on the call, and right after she hung up, she laughed and said, “I’m such a good actor.”
That was the moment I realized I couldn’t keep excusing everything anymore.
I ended the friendship.
And it was like I had awakened a dragon. She completely showed her true colors.
I eventually told Bob the truth because I knew she never would. He wasn’t happy, but he also wasn’t shocked, and he thanked me for telling him.
And this is not where the story ends.
Six months later, I had moved to a different state to be closer to my boyfriend, and I had no contact with her. Then one day at work, I got a Facebook Messenger DM from her.
It was Clarissa apologizing and asking to be friends again.
I didn’t fully trust her, but I do believe in second chances, so I slowly let her back into my life.
She told me she had broken up with Joe because he was abusive, yelled at her, snuck into her house, and controlled her. She said she felt trapped and scared, and I felt horrible for her.
Eventually, things started to feel normal again. I even saw her when I visited home, and everything seemed fine.
Then one day while we were shopping and getting our nails done, she said she had news.
I asked her what it was.
She said, “I’m talking to Joe again. Don’t freak out. I believe people can change, and he’s been to therapy. He’s different now.”
I was shocked, but I just told her, “Please be safe and take things slow.”
A month later, she called me excited saying she had big news and needed me to call her.
So I did.
She told me she was engaged to him.
For context, she was 18, still living with her parents, and they didn’t even know.
I congratulated her, but after that everything changed again. Every time we talked, she was doing drugs or talking about her relationship in detail, even though I had boundaries and didn’t want those conversations.
On top of that, she constantly tried to convince me to leave my boyfriend whenever I had even small issues, and she would talk badly about him.
Eventually, I realized we were on completely different paths in life.
So I told her, in a kind way, that I didn’t think we should be friends anymore because we were going in different directions.
And once again, the dragon came out.
She told me I was no better than her, that she had no choice in what she did, and that she couldn’t help how she was raised.
I told her she needed to take accountability instead of always playing the victim.
She said, “I’m not playing the victim. I am the victim.”
She also told me I was her only friend and that I was abandoning her during the worst time in her life.
Classic manipulation.
I ended the friendship.
A month later, I found out on Instagram that she and Joe had gotten married after only being engaged for a month.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t last, but that’s no longer my problem.
Looking back, I realize there were always red flags. Even while in relationships, she would flirt with other guys on purpose and call them attractive just for attention.