u/Necessary-Pause-4177

i’m so sorry for reposting but i posted it in discussion instead of advice

I know I have anxious attachment, and it takes my anxiety to a whole new level, where it bleeds into everything. My mind takes over and I know it’s happening I just can’t stop it. Anyways
I say this all to say i’m in this situation where the person keeps saying they need space or less calls etc. That they wanna be with me but just need space and my body just won’t respect the boundaries and I don’t know why I can’t stop myself
I can’t even give him a day without a literal force through my body being like call him, to probably express a feeling( which also how do you not share every feeling thought that comes through ur mind that you feel you have to work through with the other person) anyways. I can’t give him space because i feel I’ll be forgotten or he will realize life is better without me, and I can’t deal with that. But within me pushing so hard it’s pushing him away….
I’m very hypersensitive and i’m trying to put reality into situations instead of just how I FEEL, because everyone has their own lives and life isn’t centered around me, and that my fears aren’t reality but I guess the difference between emotional awareness n emotional intelligence is being able to stop my triggers and behaviors and I just can’t do that.

All to say how do i give space and be okay in the space and not think about the worst, like is space okay???

and how do i become avoidant instead of attached

Sorry it’s all over the place, i’m typing this instead of calling, is this growth..😂

I know I have anxious attachment, and it takes my anxiety to a whole new level, where it bleeds into everything. My mind takes over and I know it’s happening I just can’t stop it. Anyways
I say this all to say i’m in this situation where the person keeps saying they need space or less calls etc. That they wanna be with me but just need space and my body just won’t respect the boundaries and I don’t know why I can’t stop myself
I can’t even give him a day without a literal force through my body being like call him, to probably express a feeling( which also how do you not share every feeling thought that comes through ur mind that you feel you have to work through with the other person) anyways. I can’t give him space because i feel I’ll be forgotten or he will realize life is better without me, and I can’t deal with that. But within me pushing so hard it’s pushing him away….
I’m very hypersensitive and i’m trying to put reality into situations instead of just how I FEEL, because everyone has their own lives and life isn’t centered around me, and that my fears aren’t reality but I guess the difference between emotional awareness n emotional intelligence is being able to stop my triggers and behaviors and I just can’t do that.

All to say how do i give space and be okay in the space and not think about the worst, like is space okay???

and how do i become avoidant instead of attached

Sorry it’s all over the place, i’m typing this instead of calling, is this growth..😂

I feel I’m an emotionally intelligent person because I can tell you exactly how i’m feeling why i’m feeling this way and what triggered me, but my problem is when I get triggered I feel myself in the third person watching it happen and knowing it’s happening but not being able to stop or regulate myself. My nervous system is unregulated and it’s the one thing I can’t fix on my own. “Take deep breaths, jump around” these all seem like generic bandaids to fix the problem in the moment, but what truly fixes you. Thinking and journaling can only take you so far.

For more context

My main trigger is feeling ignored, I can’t stop myself from wanting to set the world on fire, and I know that comes from my father ignoring me as a child but in my relationship it comes out 24/7. My other trigger is feeling like if I don’t reach out then it will never happen, we will never speak, and then that spirals into why is it easy to forget about me? and then I feel my stomach drop and that’s how I know it’s my nervous system feeling like it’s in flight or fight mode. I also have crippling anxious attachment so does that play a part ?

Maybe these are two separate things for separate posts, but everyone here is so smart and gives such good advice i’m just really asking for someone to give me something to ponder on and help me work through it