u/NeedsMoreMinerals

Penelope (Seeking feedback and impressions)

Penelope Part One:

Inside a beat-up car stalled in morning Manhattan traffic, a festive rhythm dances from the radio. Lively cuatro strings. Vibrant maracas and the singing of joyful children. All mockingly bright against Penelope’s heavy heart. One hand on the wheel, she stretches for the granola bar on the passenger seat, just beyond reach atop her battered sketchbook and chef’s whites. 

Between lurches, Penelope’s mind drifts to her previous life of drawing monsters for a living, free and childless. But that Penelope died long ago—a dream cut short by AI, kids, and an ex. Penelope wipes away tears. She’s pinned between brake lights and bad memories. Somehow, her favorite song feels cruel.  

She had been practical, went back to school to train a new skill, a lesser love: cooking. 

And now that’s gone too because by the end of today she’s likely losing her job to a kitchen robot named Pal®. She can’t compete with its inhuman efficiency. Her boss Jim’s apologetic shrug echoes in her mind, ‘My hands are tied, Penelope. It’s the algorithms.’ Algorithms designed to measure human worth yet programmed to find us lacking, directing lowly human managers to cut, cut, cut.

Horns blare around her, and Penelope jabs hers to join the chorus as she crawls forward in traffic. Through the spiderweb cracks of her windshield, a flock of birds glide in lazy arcs across the solid gray New York City sky. The clouds loom low, almost touchable, pressing down on the day, on her, as if it knew what she had to do.

Beg.

Her phone’s lock screen glows from the cradle: Faustino and Christina, dancing in dinosaur onesies. 

Brake lights stab through her cracked windshield. A juice box rolls off the backseat and leaks onto the upholstery.

She can’t afford to go back down to one job, not with the daycare, not with the rent. She scrolls past unread emails, most with the subject PAST DUE. She finds Jim in her contacts. Her hands tremble. She taps. Voicemail again. She hangs up.

She doesn’t blame Jim. He’s been to their birthdays. He knows what this will do. But what choice does she have? 

“That’s okay, Jim. We can talk in person,” Penelope says to herself, crawling through traffic. 

She slams the horn.

Static scratches through the radio speakers, abruptly silencing the singing children. Three piercing beeps screech in quick succession, followed by a flat, emotionless voice:

“This is not a test. This is the National Emergency Alert System. The Department of—.”

Penelope groans and shuts off the radio. The last thing she needs is to add government test beeps to her traffic headache. 

In the cracked rear view mirror, mascara runs over concealer. Neither hide the fatigue beneath. The tears aren’t over Jim, or the job. Not yet.

It’s her kids.

They wear yesterday’s clothes. Other kids will notice. Other kids will be mean. 

Her head falls against the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs, “Sorry you have such a shitty mother.”

Penelope creeps forward in the gridlock.

A soft hum rises in the air as she cries. It’s not unlike a guitar string about to snap.  It sharpens.  The blaring is eerie, alien.

Penelope’s head snaps up. A massive red beam slices through a mountainous cloud. Glassy red edges pulse downward while the plum core rises.

She has never seen so many birds in flight.

Black smoke billows from behind the buildings ahead. Then the beam sweeps west, fast and clean. In its wake: smoke.

A scream bursts from the car beside her, then more erupt behind.

“¡Ay Dios mío!” She signs the cross over her chest.

Pebbles and debris pelt her cracked windshield like hail. 

The driver on her left abandons his truck and runs.

All at once, every worry she’s ever had shrinks to nothing. Daycare fees, kitchen robots, checking accounts. None of it matters now.

In a heartbeat, Penelope’s world narrows to one desperate thought: their two tiny faces, trapped at daycare, unaware of the world’s calamitous change.

Traffic isn’t frozen anymore; it’s shattered. Cars jut at reckless angles, doors swing open, people spill out and run between lanes. She scans ahead, turns, and nudges her car forward, but there’s no space. She’s boxed in from behind, too.  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Normally, they’d be five minutes away by car. Could she go on foot? Who knows. She tried to run a 5K once and gave up halfway.

How is she going to get her kids? 

Her breathing has gotten out of control. She closes her eyes and clears her mind, then opens them, naming five things she can see to anchor herself: her old purse, her cracked phone, a half-empty water bottle, the crumpled chef’s whites, and now—with the sky laser gone—a thunderhead cloud remains in the sky, cleaved neatly in two.  

She can’t afford to calm down, not now. Flinging her phone into her bag, she wrestles open her faulty car door, and steps out into a highway filled with dust and smoke.

Grit coats her tongue as she stumbles through the dust cloud, her children’s names pulsing in her mind, drowning out the chaos of distant screams. She navigates by silhouettes of abandoned cars, dark shapes guiding her down the choked onramp toward the daycare like breadcrumbs. The air begins to clear, leaving a light haze, but it’s just enough for her to see the sidewalk ahead when a sound, deeper than thunder, freezes her in place. The sound lingers like a struck tuning fork, each reverberation humming through her chest. Above, the bisected clouds have taken on a stormy darkness. Something vast and shadowy looms behind their split edges. 

New sounds charge in from the east, high in the air and familiar. The roar of fighter jets.

Penelope stops, makes fists. For one brilliant moment, she brims with hope and pride. We can fight this, she thinks. 

A swarm of thin, green lights fire out from the split cloud’s center. They do not fade but persist, swinging through the cloud and air toward the jets. The jets fire missiles that explode harmlessly against the air, leaving a shimmering wake.

She doesn’t want to see what comes next but it’s over before she can turn away. The green beams converge with precision, sectioning the jets into hundreds of pieces. They fall listlessly, catching the sun like silver confetti.

Penelope gasps.

The shimmering field disappears in a hush and only the cleaved cloud is left as aftermath, riddled with neat holes. Penelope stares at the cloud, slack-jawed. Her hands tremble at the thought of those lasers on Faustino or Christina.  She swallows hard and turns.

reddit.com
u/NeedsMoreMinerals — 6 days ago

We Are Prophecy pt. 1 (Seeking any feedback or impressions)

A hard clap cracks from Ricardo’s car speakers, then the 808 rolls in low and snarling underneath it. A looping guitar sample floats above it all. It’s the kind of beat that doesn’t announce itself.

Kendrick’s voice cut through the speaker—

Ricardo tilts his instant ramen cup, poking his fork around to nab the last few sad peas. He tosses it onto his passenger seat atop  the big tray section of yesterday’s Chinese, which sits on top of Tuesday’s spaghetti, which is nested on top of Monday’s moldy Mexican. Ricardo loves Chinese, loves Italian and loves Mexican, but if he doesn’t get moving it’ll be ramen from here on out. 

He grabs his phone and swipes up through his feed again. Now a video shows a pair of girls jubilantly demonstrating a fireman’s carry. 

One girl drops her shoulder into the seated girl’s stomach, hooks an arm through her legs, and hoists the other girl across her back in one fluid motion. 

“I wish I was a fireman.” Ricardo had wished to be a lot of things, all of which mattered, but as his step-dad said in his gravelly voice: “You’re not special, Ricky, and you had every chance to be. That’s reality number one. Reality number two is that you’re eighteen now—it’s time for you to grow up.” 

Lucky purrs, then vaults to the peak of wardrobe mountain—a collection of trash bags shoved against the driver’s side seat. Lucky climbs to his shoulder, bunting against Ricardo’s cheek. Tears well. His step-dad’s voice again: “You had every chance.”

He did and now he can’t even feed his cat right.

A text drops in from Step-Douche: ‘Bring back my cat!’

Sorry, Charlie, Lucky likes me more. Ricardo opens his delivery app: a color-coded map, him in an area marked gray, dead. He doesn’t really care. He stares at the ‘DELIVER NOW’ button, then thumbs it.  

‘Looking for orders…’ flashes for just a second before the chime starts, Pavlovian.

The payout’s twelve bucks, and he’s already parked outside the pickup, a gas station, and the drop-off is just a block away. Someone named Elias S. 

Ricky leans up, presses ACCEPT. “Not a bad start. Don’t worry, Lucky. I’m going to take care of you—it’s burgers tonight!” 

Ricky swipes and presses ARRIVED AT STORE.

The car door whines and the window rattles as he shuts it behind him.

The cold brew sits at the end of the aisle, glowing under the fluorescent lights. Twelve bucks. Perfect.

“Grab a cold brew for twelve bucks. I can do this.”

The chime at the top of the door rings.

***

“Meow.”

Ricky parks in front of the house. 

Lucky nudges Ricky. Ricky nudges back, massages his ear. 

He opens the car door with an aching thunk and a rattling window. 

Twelve for a cold brew. Whoever this is, they’re crazy. He looks up. A single patch of bruised clouds hang over the house—just this house—on an otherwise clear day. Even the palm trees shake in shadow. The house itself, ruinous. The lawn might be legally a forest. The blue paint is dull and cracked. A torn-screen door that no longer shuts. But otherwise open. No fences, no dogs. No signs of any sort, just a faded old house from a better time.  

Before Ricky takes his second step, the door swings open, clattering against the house.  A large-bellied older man walks out, hands high as if in celebration. His blue bath robe flaps loose, revealing a stretched white tee and checkered boxers. In one hand he holds a half bottle of whiskey. 

He smiles beneath brown bushy brows. “Ricardo Martinez, it’s good to meet you.”

Ricky grips the cold brew bag. “How do you know my last name?”

Elias holds up his palm. “It’s simple—Prophecy,” he says cheerfully, smiling underneath a thick mustache and above a short beard.

“Is that an app?” Ricky says. The breeze catches his shirt. He taps COMPLETE DELIVERY and angles his phone to take a photo.

“No.” Elias chuckles. His blue bath robe flaps in the wind and palms rustle. He’s removed the plastic wrapper and cap, pours the cold brew into his whiskey bottle.  “Prophecy—the good stuff—still comes in stone.”

Ricky takes the photo.

“Come on, I’ll show you—we’ve got a lot to do.” 

“I did my part.” Ricky presses SUBMIT. “Have a good day, Elias.”

“You’ve only just begun,” Elias says, flashing a gentle smile. A real smile like he’s happy to see Ricky, then it widens as Elias remembers something. He fishes a fifty dollar bill out of a bath robe pocket. “Fifty bucks, like ‘it’ said. That’s a lot of hamburgers for Lucky.”

“How do you know my cat’s name?” Ricky says, stepping back, pocketing the bill.

“Prophecy.” Elias turns, walks into his house. “There’s another fifty waiting for you inside.”

Ricky looks back to his car. Lucky’s perched on wardrobe mountain, licking his paw. A hundred bucks takes a full day on the app. This guy’s offering another one just to walk inside. Ricky looks back at Lucky. Creepy beats hungry.

***

Inside, the house is dusty. The air is stale. Hexagonal ocean-blue walls surround a beige-carpeted living room. Large frames rest against a plastic fireplace holding ancient-looking parchment, each waist-high, at least, each scrawled with some language. 

Elias motions to them while rounding his coffee table, covered in white paper and manila folders. He picks up a coffee mug that says, ‘Best Dad.’ “That first stone has your full name on it and your cat.”

Ricky takes a cautious step forward.

“It’s okay, get close. Look at the first one at the top.”

Ricky leans closer. Sure enough, between symbols and markings there’s his name, out of place and crudely written, ‘Ricardo Martinez’. More scrawling, ‘Lucky.’

“Is this some influencer bit?” Ricky’s eyes dart around the room looking for cameras.

“It’s Prophecy. Take a picture. Ask AI.”

Ricky does.

The AI responds:

The scroll is written in ancient Hebrew. It declares that in five thousand, one hundred and sixty-three years, early in the third day of the second month, a courier named Ricardo Martinez and his beast Lucky shall meet Elias outside his home in the City of Angels.

reddit.com
u/NeedsMoreMinerals — 7 days ago

We Are Prophecy (Seeking feedback)

A hard clap cracks from Ricardo’s car speakers, then the 808 rolls in low and snarling underneath it. A looping guitar sample floats above it all. It’s the kind of beat that doesn’t announce itself.

Kendrick’s voice cut through the speaker—

Ricardo tilts his instant ramen cup, poking his fork around to nab the last few sad peas. He tosses it onto his passenger seat atop  the big tray section of yesterday’s Chinese, which sits on top of Tuesday’s spaghetti, which is nested on top of Monday’s moldy Mexican. Ricardo loves Chinese, loves Italian and loves Mexican, but if he doesn’t get moving it’ll be ramen from here on out. 

He grabs his phone and swipes up through his feed again. Now a video shows a pair of girls jubilantly demonstrating a fireman’s carry. 

One girl drops her shoulder into the seated girl’s stomach, hooks an arm through her legs, and hoists the other girl across her back in one fluid motion. 

“I wish I was a fireman.” Ricardo had wished to be a lot of things, all of which mattered, but as his step-dad said in his gravelly voice: “You’re not special, Ricky, and you had every chance to be. That’s reality number one. Reality number two is that you’re eighteen now—it’s time for you to grow up.” 

Lucky purrs, then vaults to the peak of wardrobe mountain—a collection of trash bags shoved against the driver’s side seat. Lucky climbs to his shoulder, bunting against Ricardo’s cheek. Tears well. His step-dad’s voice again: “You had every chance.”

He did and now he can’t even feed his cat right.

A text drops in from Step-Douche: ‘Bring back my cat!’

Sorry, Charlie, Lucky likes me more. Ricardo opens his delivery app: a color-coded map, him in an area marked gray, dead. He doesn’t really care. He stares at the ‘DELIVER NOW’ button, then thumbs it.  

‘Looking for orders…’ flashes for just a second before the chime starts, Pavlovian.

The payout’s twelve bucks, and he’s already parked outside the pickup, a gas station, and the drop-off is just a block away. Someone named Elias S. 

Ricky leans up, presses ACCEPT. “Not a bad start. Don’t worry, Lucky. I’m going to take care of you—it’s burgers tonight!” 

Ricky swipes and presses ARRIVED AT STORE.

The car door whines and the window rattles as he shuts it behind him.

The cold brew sits at the end of the aisle, glowing under the fluorescent lights. Twelve bucks. Perfect.

“Grab a cold brew for twelve bucks. I can do this.”

The chime at the top of the door rings.

***

“Meow.”

Ricky parks in front of the house. 

Lucky nudges Ricky. Ricky nudges back, massages his ear. 

He opens the car door with an aching thunk and a rattling window. 

Twelve for a cold brew. Whoever this is, they’re crazy. He looks up. A single patch of bruised clouds hang over the house—just this house—on an otherwise clear day. Even the palm trees shake in shadow. The house itself, ruinous. The lawn might be legally a forest. The blue paint is dull and cracked. A torn-screen door that no longer shuts. But otherwise open. No fences, no dogs. No signs of any sort, just a faded old house from a better time.  

Before Ricky takes his second step, the door swings open, clattering against the house.  A large-bellied older man walks out, hands high as if in celebration. His blue bath robe flaps loose, revealing a stretched white tee and checkered boxers. In one hand he holds a half bottle of whiskey. 

He smiles beneath brown bushy brows. “Ricardo Martinez, it’s good to meet you.”

Ricky grips the cold brew bag. “How do you know my last name?”

Elias holds up his palm. “It’s simple—Prophecy,” he says cheerfully, smiling underneath a thick mustache and above a short beard.

“Is that an app?” Ricky says. The breeze catches his shirt. He taps COMPLETE DELIVERY and angles his phone to take a photo.

“No.” Elias chuckles. His blue bath robe flaps in the wind and palms rustle. He’s removed the plastic wrapper and cap, pours the cold brew into his whiskey bottle.  “Prophecy—the good stuff—still comes in stone.”

Ricky takes the photo.

“Come on, I’ll show you—we’ve got a lot to do.” 

“I did my part.” Ricky presses SUBMIT. “Have a good day, Elias.”

“You’ve only just begun,” Elias says, flashing a gentle smile. A real smile like he’s happy to see Ricky, then it widens as Elias remembers something. He fishes a fifty dollar bill out of a bath robe pocket. “Fifty bucks, like ‘it’ said. That’s a lot of hamburgers for Lucky.”

“How do you know my cat’s name?” Ricky says, stepping back, pocketing the bill.

“Prophecy.” Elias turns, walks into his house. “There’s another fifty waiting for you inside.”

Ricky looks back to his car. Lucky’s perched on wardrobe mountain, licking his paw. A hundred bucks takes a full day on the app. This guy’s offering another one just to walk inside. Ricky looks back at Lucky. Creepy beats hungry.

***

Inside, the house is dusty. The air is stale. Hexagonal ocean-blue walls surround a beige-carpeted living room. Large frames rest against a plastic fireplace holding ancient-looking parchment, each waist-high, at least, each scrawled with some language. 

Elias motions to them while rounding his coffee table, covered in white paper and manila folders. He picks up a coffee mug that says, ‘Best Dad.’ “That first stone has your full name on it and your cat.”

Ricky takes a cautious step forward.

“It’s okay, get close. Look at the first one at the top.”

Ricky leans closer. Sure enough, between symbols and markings there’s his name, out of place and crudely written, ‘Ricardo Martinez’. More scrawling, ‘Lucky.’

“Is this some influencer bit?” Ricky’s eyes dart around the room looking for cameras.

“It’s Prophecy. Take a picture. Ask AI.”

Ricky does.

The AI responds:

The scroll is written in ancient Hebrew. It declares that in five thousand, one hundred and sixty-three years, early in the third day of the second month, a courier named Ricardo Martinez and his beast Lucky shall meet Elias outside his home in the City of Angels.

reddit.com
u/NeedsMoreMinerals — 7 days ago