So much uncertainty and I'm losing my mind.
My wife and I have been separated after I had an affair. I take full responsibility for what I did, and I know I deeply hurt her. Since then, I've been doing everything I can to understand why I made those choices, work on myself, and become a better husband and person.
She has told me she's leaning toward divorce and has said that even if I do everything right, it still may not be enough to save the marriage. At the same time, she's agreed to go to marriage counseling with me, although she says she's mainly doing it because I asked and wants a professional to help mediate. She still occasionally updates me about things going on in her life and has said she's willing to talk when needed, but she turns down almost every invitation I make to spend time together.
I'm having a hard time understanding what all of this means. Part of me feels like she's completely detached, emotionally checked out, and already living like she's single. Another part of me wonders if agreeing to counseling, staying in contact, and not filing for divorce yet means there's still a chance.
I'm trying to respect her space while also showing consistent change, but I honestly don't know if I'm holding onto false hope or if this is just what rebuilding after infidelity looks like. For anyone who's been through something similar—either as the person who cheated or the person who was betrayed—does this sound like someone who's already made up their mind, or is this still within the range of what reconciliation can look like?