u/Nerdy-Meta-Mind

I deconstructed years ago. It’s a long story where I’ve been spiritually since then that even I haven’t sat with enough to put into words, but I’ll try to provide the necessary context.

I went into the New Age community immediately after I stopped identifying as Christian, and eventually I fell out of that (while keeping some of what still resonates with me.) I experienced A LOT during that time. I went from one increasingly worse abusive relationship to another, experienced several major life changes, and basically went buck wild (as many do btw.) I never killed anyone or hurt anyone physically. I’ve always had a good heart about me, but I was hurting and lost. I did some things that are considered major sins, some repeatedly. That lasted for years. I did a lot of good though. Ultimately, I’m fortunate to have survived at all. I gave up in every way, almost died, but obviously did not. However, those “sins” are haunting me now that I’m better than I was then. It took me years to actually get help.

I’ve come a long way with my mental health, and I still have a long way to go. It’s just that now I’m feeling the spiritual part again. I look back on those years with cringe and pain, especially for the people I did hurt along the way. I said and did things that are out of character for me, at least I do not want them to define me. They don’t, but I’m really struggling with that a lot lately.

After years of Trump not leaving our lives, it’s led me to a point where I’ve seriously contemplated him being the Antichrist. He fits the bill too much, particularly the way he always gets out unscathed and people who shouldn’t be loving him still do. But, I deconstructed. What am I even doing? It’s confusing again to me. I can’t unsee the ways in which he fits the prophecies. My views can change from day to day, I’ve noticed. Some days I’m more into that again, and others I’m back to where I was just before I considered that as a possibility. Lately, I’ve found myself exploring Gnosticism. In some ways it fits my views on what’s going on, but then in others it doesn’t.

I’ll get on with my point, I guess. I think I’m scared again. I went from feeling comfortable with the unknown and what I know to fearing that I have made such grave mistakes that I’ll be tormented in some potential afterlife scenario or lose the ability to escape this prison planet scenario. I hate it that I’m back here, if I even am. Like I said, my views and feelings change often now. What do I even do about this? Do you relate to any of this? If so, what do you do? How do you cope, move forward, and get by? Do you have anything to share or advice to give? I feel ridiculous as I’m middle-aged and should feel more confident about things. I don’t know where else to go to talk about this. I suspect this might be the place. I need some help. Thanks. 💜

(I am actively searching for a therapist btw. I just can’t seem to get anyone who is accepting new clients.)

A new White House directive mandating that all federal executive branch employees download the official White House mobile application onto their government-issued phones.

The mandate is a concern among cybersecurity experts and former federal IT executives, who warn that the application introduces serious security vulnerabilities, such as sharing user IP addresses and time zones with third parties, potentially creating a backdoor into secure phones and networks.

The directive also violates traditional non-partisan civil service boundaries by forcing political propaganda onto government devices; features within the app include a heavily curated pro-administration news feed, an avenue to report individuals to ICE, and a "Text President Trump" button that automatically populates a pre-written message declaring him the "Greatest President Ever!"

Revelation 16:12.. “And the sixth angel poured out his vial upon the great river Euphrates; and the water thereof was dried up.”. Interest in the Euphrates is growing not only because of environmental issues.

The river is also known from ancient religious texts. It is mentioned in the Book of Revelation. One passage describes the Euphrates drying up before events connected with Armageddon.