Wanting your thoughts: what to do when people say that downplaying your degree is more socially appropriate, and do they say that to guys too?
Hey everyone - I am a recent PhD (29F) in a STEM field and I am really excited to be starting a postdoc at an ivy league school this fall. One of the things that I am really excited about is never again being called Miss or Ms or Mrs - I feel like I've worked hard and earned my title.
Now, it has always been awkward telling people what I do - I'm sure we've all been there, where someone asks you what you do and you say {science field} and they say "oh wow - you must be really smart . . ." and it gets awkward and then potentially uncomfortable as they try to continue the conversation (in my case, its astro, and I cannot tell you how many people have told me their zodiac sign. So many). But this is something I'm used to, its something I've learned strategies to avoid and so on. But I'm always stuck wondering - do men have to deal with this as much? Are they told zodiac signs when they mention their work, or do people assume they do "real" science?
On the other side of all this, my parent is always telling me to be humble and careful about telling people about what I do. If I say stuff like "I'm getting my doctorate" or "I do Astro" they sometimes play it off at be like "she loves to tell people that" and make me sound very proud and arrogant and boastful - it drives me nuts. Now they're saying not to tell people that I've got my degree, or where I'm going to work because to do so is apparently bragging (though apparently they have no issues bragging about it themselves . . .).
I'm not here to get commiseration about my parent - I can deal with that. But this false humility and being told that I shouldn't tell people about my degree and basically being told to be demure and all that - is that a woman thing? Do you think that men have to deal with it too? Can they be like "Hi - I'm Dr XXX YYYY" without social repercussions? Or are they told to downplay they're work too?
EDIT: I recognize that socially, when you're meeting another human being, you're going to say "my name is AAA BBBB" and of course not include a title - I've not been going around saying "Hi, I'm Ms. AAA BBBBB". When being formally introduced by another person though, I personally think that Dr. is the only appropriate title for someone with a medical doctorate or a Ph.D. (Its like when they were arguing that it should be President and Mrs Biden instead of President and Dr. Biden - the former is completely unacceptable in my eyes, because it implies that her marital status and husband's job define her more than her own achievements. BS.) However, regarding the introductory "Hi - I'm Dr. XXX YYYY" statement above, I meant more that they are able to openly discuss their position and achievements without making things awkward around non-academic strangers - an experience I don't often have - or if they are also encouraged to be more modest than that.
EDIT: Also, regarding the Mrs. Ms. and Miss bit - I just never liked any of these titles because they all (except Ms. - I acknowledge that) essentially define a woman by her marital status, which I'm just not crazy about. I'm happy to have an alternative, and one that I worked hard for.